So of course I had to write something before the OUaT episode aired tonight. I am so looking forward to it – BUT I can't actually watch the episode until Friday. I wouldn't be able to watch it until Monday anyway, but I have work and I'm not off until Friday. I want to be able to watch this episode with time, peace and quiet – and since my parents are going away for the weekend, I think I'll manage to achieve that on Friday.

WARNING TO ALL SWANFIRE FANS: This story is pro-Captain Swan and anti-Swanfire. If you are a Swanfire fan looking for a happy Emma/Neal story, this isn't for you. You've been warned.

DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Once Upon A Time or any of the characters or the song "Everything Has Changed" by Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran.

Now I Am Free

'Cause all I know is we said "Hello"
And your eyes look like coming home
All I know is a simple name
Everything has changed

- "Everything Has Changed", Taylor Swift feat. Ed Sheeran

She is torn between overwhelming happiness and utter despair. She hugs Henry to her, so tight that he can barely breathe. He is holding her tightly, and talking, trying to tell her a thousand things at once. Emma doesn't take in the content of the words, just his voice – young, fresh, getting a little higher when he's excited, faster when he thinks up another story to tell her. She knows that Regina is here too, and she knows that Regina needs Henry as well, but her body can't quite seem to let go.

When she finally releases Henry (and allows Regina to embrace him) she turns to the other surprise: Neal. He's been with them for over and day now and she still can't quite believe that he's here. He's alive and she doesn't know quite what to do with that. Not that she wanted him dead – far from it – but her mind had processed it. Or, if she hadn't, her mind had put it in a box and shoved it away until she had time to deal with it.

Now he's here.

Their eyes meet. Neal looks as if he wants to say something, but they are surrounded by everyone and the last Emma needs is for everyone to know her business. So before he can say something that will utterly embarrass them she says, in her no-nonsense voice, "So, what's the plan?"

He meets her gaze again, and they communicate. He knows what she means, he must do, because he turns his head and says, "I know the way back. All we need is some pixie dust – don't worry, I stored some away when I was last here just in case. We just-"

"No," Emma says, shooting him a surprised look. "We can't leave, not yet. Pan has Hook; we need to get him back before-"

But Neal is already shaking his head. "We don't have time. That's exactly what Pan will be expecting. We have to run now while we have the chance."

She is focussed on Neal so she can only feel the reaction from her parents. "We can't just leave Hook," Snow says. "Who knows what Pan will do to him?"

"Look," Neal says. He raises his hands in the air, trying to take charge. "No one leaves Neverland. Pan makes sure of it. And he knows that I managed to leave in the first place. The only reason he's not here with us right now is because he thinks that we're going to try and rescue Hook. We need to use that to our advantage."

Henry turns his head, his eyes on both Neal and Emma. "We're leaving?" he asks.

"Yes, we are," says Neal. He shoots Emma a look as if to say, see, we need to leave.

Emma grips Neal's arm, tugging him away from the group. "We need a moment," she calls to the others. She takes one last look at Henry, but Regina catches her eye and gives her a nod; it says that she won't let Henry out of her sight. Emma gives a nod in a reply and continues to lead him away.

"What?" he asks. "Emma, we're wasting time."

"Yes, we are," she agrees. "We're arguing about this when we should be thinking about a way to get him back."

Neal sighed, jerking his head away. "Emma, we can't save him. We have to think about Henry. He's the most important thing, right?"

Bastard, she thinks, staring at him. You're using Henry, using my weakness to get me to do what you want. You know that I'll do anything for him.

Neal almost wins then. Almost. Because while she's looking at him she's suddenly remembering Hook, standing where Neal is: his voice, low and teasing at times; demanding and informative at others; and always daring her to surpass her boundaries. She remembers his face, with a thousand emotions, all of which may or may not be real. She remembers his eyes, reminding her of forget-me-nots. Not because of the colour (forget-me-nots were too purple) but because as soon as you looked at his eyes the colour was so unique you would never be able to forget them. If Emma closes her eyes, she could picture them.

"He trusts me," Emma hears herself say. "He protected me. I owe him."

Neal let out a low growl. She shot him a look, her eyes studying him. This wasn't exactly how she had pictured meeting him again. They should have been happy, laughing and unable to stay away from each other. Right now Emma doesn't want to touch him. She's looking at him like she's unsure of him, an uncertain alliance.

"Emma," he says. He reaches for her, and for the first time he touches her. His hands frame her face, causing her stomach to drop. "Please, trust me on this. I know you think that Hook is trustworthy – you think you know him. But he's a master at fooling people. He's a pirate. He sold me out to Pan and the Lost Boys, he took my mother away from my father – he destroyed my family. He may have gone along with your plan but he would have betrayed you eventually."

The sweetness of his hands on her face is ruined. She shoves him away from her, so hard he gasps after his breath leaving his body. "That untrustworthy pirate got into Pan's camp and managed to get Henry out, getting himself captured in the process. His life is at stake right now and you're telling us to leave him behind?"

"Emma, he's a villain."

"He cured my father from the poison! He brought us here!" She remembers the way his kiss felt on her lips, how she gave him more of herself than she intended. How her lips felt like they were burning, even as she walked away from him. How her legs wanted to carry herself back to him and never leave again. "He – he kissed me."

She couldn't have pictured Neal more surprised if she had tried. "You – you and he kissed?"

What the hell was I thinking? She hasn't told anyone about this, knowing their reaction: she could see Regina's gloating smirk, Snow's pursed up lips, David's fury. And yet she had decided the first person she was going to tell was Neal, who had more reason than anyone to be upset.

"Yes," she confirms. "We kissed."

"Is this why you want to go back to him?" demands Neal. "Because you think he has feelings for you?"

Does he? Emma's heart began to leap up and down when she thought with certainty, he does.

Once again his hands touch her, but this time they are on her shoulders and he grips her tightly. "Emma," he says, "he was probably playing you. He's incapable of having feelings for anyone but himself and revenge."

"He's changed," Emma says. "He's working with us, with Gold. He's not the same man you met."

"He'll betray you," says Neal. "Sooner or later. I'm sorry, but we need to leave this place behind as well as Hook. We do this and we can go back to Storybrooke and live happily ever after." He gives her a little smile and she knows what he's thinking: about their lives, living together with Henry, one big happy family. Yet that picture is fading further away as she listens to what he's saying.

"I can't leave him," Emma repeats, more slowly. "I – I think I like him."

She can't say the words falling in love with him.

"What?" Neal looks as if he's swallowed three eggs straight. He goes towards Emma, flinching slightly when she backs away from him. "You're kidding right?"

She wants to scream at him, well it wasn't my fault! I didn't intend to feel this way. How I was supposed to know that I would meet a man in another world and we would say hello and everything would change?

Instead she says, calmly, "No, I'm not. But that's not why you need to help me get him back. He came here, to Neverland, to rescue your son. All the time he's been thinking about you and – I think he's grieving a little." He always seems to be grieving. "He wants to do right by you. And if I owe him, then so do you."

Neal is suddenly right in front of her. Her words must have struck a chord because she has never seen him look like this: mouth pulled back like a snarl, teeth showing, his face screwed up. "I don't owe him anything."

For a long moment she can't believe what she's seeing. She thinks that she can't speak, but she is proven wrong when her words come out, fast and furious. "How can you be so selfish? Hook came here, risking his life, and you can't wait to abandon him here. You – you're so mad that you will risk your – your goodness and humanity so you can win."

He's not the person she thought he was. She thought she knew him. But looking at him now, she doesn't recognise him. She also finds him incredibly ugly. He's changed – or maybe she's the one that's changed. Maybe she began to change the second she saw him, when he turned round and she realised what Gold had taken from him, when they both up that beanstalk.

She tells him, "You're not the person I thought you were."

It's then that it breaks.

She feels it instantly. Her chest loosens, her stomach feels like its on firm ground again, her legs have more strength in them. She looks at him and for the first time she doesn't feel like she's falling.

She's not tied to him anymore.

She's not in love with him.

The thought hits her and she should be surprised; she should be shocked. She should feel like crying her eyes out and want to eat ice cream. Instead she feels free.

"We're done."

Once again Neal seems bemused. "What?"

"I said we're done," she repeats. Her voice has no emotion in it. "I don't want to be with you anymore."

"We haven't been together for years Emma – you can't break up with me."

"In case you've forgotten, we never broke up. So I'm doing it now." She looks at him as if she's trying to take a picture of him. "I'll work with you to get back home, and you can of course see Henry, but after that... I might as well say it now." She smiles. It's not sad or gloating but peaceful, almost bland. "Goodbye Neal."

She walks away. He calls after her but she'll be damned if she comes after him.

She's doesn't go back to the group; she wanders until what she's done finally sinks in. Then she sinks against a tree, breathing so heavily as if she has been running. She should feel sad but instead she feels relief. Her legs and hands are shaking, and yet she feels good, like she's aced a test; like she's achieved something.

Now I am free, she thinks. And then she thinks:

Now I need to get Hook.