You are Captain Richard Simmons
You are a member of Red Team- or were
You don't know who, or what army you belong to, but you're just trying to make it through the days and not die.
You don't think it would be too bad if you died doing good though, you would just prefer not to.
You've been through a lot of shit, you do your best, and that's all you've ever done, and no one appreciates that. You're just waiting for the day when someone finally recognises you for the brilliantly smart man that you've become. That you think you are
Alongside you, every step of the way, has been Dexter Grif. You say that you hate him, can't stand him, and most of the time, you cannot. He's an asshole, just like everyone else you know, but he's always been there, and that has to count for something in this horrible mess that has become your life.
You've known him longer than anyone else you've ever known. You've spent more time with him. So it goes without saying, that Captain Dexter Grif, also, previously or currently, of the Red Army, is important you, Richard Simmons. That doesn't mean that you have to like it.
He might have shaped a lot of who you are and you can't bring yourself to care too much for that fact.
You love him.
He's more of a family than your actual family
He's better than the father who left you
He's better than the mother who tried to change you
He ensures that you are not, and never will be, alone in the chaos of life.
That's the thing that scares you the most, being alone, not having anyone to guide you
You want order and guidelines and methods and correctness and rules.
In his own, complicated way, Grif gives that to you.
You need him.
You want a lot of things, but you need him.
It's terrifying and fails to make sense to you, so you ignore that little fact, you hope that it might go away, or you try to bury it all, along with the feelings and facts and data that isn't technically correct- you never were great at computers or science or math, you were just average.
That's what terrifies you the most- you're so hung up on not being mediocre that you bury who you are at heart under false words and pretences and there's this awfully fake arrogance that falls over your words like an avalanche, but somehow, you manage to stop it, when it counts, so that no one ever suspects you of falseness.
It's amazing.
It's terrifying.
You could be anyone if you tried.
You could escape Richard Simmons and start over-
If only that didn't mean leaving Grif behind, you think you might somehow pluck up the courage to do it, one day.
You know you have the chance.
You just need to work on your flaws, Simmons
You need to stop seeing yourself as the terrible person you think you are- truly you are not quite so terrible
After all, you are a soldier, in space
You are a space soldier who has somehow managed to win wars and bring down a corrupt organization.
It took a lot of luck and incoherent team work, but you succeeded
Do you not see what you have the chance to be?
You keep ending up in the same old rut, using the same old methods to claw your way out- doesn't it ever get exhausting?
All this repeating must drive you crazy.
You drive yourself crazy on some days.
You like to pretend it's easy
You like to pretend it's hard.
You build up all of these false ideas and get a twisted enjoyment out of watching every single thing you've built up around you crumble down.
You thrive on failure sometimes Simmons.
You like being weird and lonely and there's enjoyment in being ostracised.
It's because you don't know anything else, you never have.
You have been changing lately
They've all noticed it
You are a self-centred, know-it-all kiss-ass on your best days
You got attention and you liked it
That attention changed you, Richard Simmons, because these people regarded you as the hero that you've always wanted to be, you've understood what it means to help others, and it's changed you for the better.
You only had to use a little falseness to boost your own ego.
The rest is truth.
Doesn't it feel good?
Doesn't it make you want to be a better person?
You are trying, Simmons
You try so hard, like you always have done, but now, you have a goal, an ideal to reach for
And it feels so good to try for something
You are Richard Simmons
You are trying
It doesn't matter where people seem to think you belong
You know what's right for you
You know who is right for you
You're not about to let anything mess with you
You are N O T
about to let anything
mess with your friends