Roy Mustang was suspicious.
"Lieutenant?" He looked around the park, eyes narrowed. First of all, Lieutenant Hawkeye had called him, saying it was 'urgent'. Second of all— and the thing that made him suspicious rather than concerned— it was his birthday.
"Happy birthday!" Maes Hughes would have been incinerated if Roy's gloves had been on, but as-is he nearly strangled Roy.
"I hate you," Roy said evenly.
"No you don't."
"I'm going to kill you. I really am."
"Happy birthday, Colonel," said Riza Hawkeye, stepping out from behind a tree.
"I'm surprised to see you involved with this, Lieutenant."
"It's your birthday after all, sir."
"Daddy?" Elicia Hughes peeked out. "Pwesent now?"
"Of course you can!" Hughes swung her up with a paternal grin, revealing the colorfully crayoned envelope in her hand.
"I dwawed you a pwesent, Uncuh Woy," Elicia announced, holding it out to Roy.
Honorary nieces are hard to resist, and so Roy took it without even a glower. He carefully opened it, trying his best to keep the envelope intact.
It was a two-year-old's drawing of Roy, his subordinates, and Hughes. It was good for a two-year-old's drawing, in fact.
"Thank you," Roy said, still rather annoyed at the surprise party.
He was soon surprised by having to hold Elicia, who hugged his neck.
"Stop smirking, Lieutenant."
"Cute, sir," said Riza, still smirking.
"That goes for you too, Maes."
"You'd make a good father!"
"Shut up."
"Come on, Roy..."
"Shut. Up."
"I mean, you'd need a wife first..."
"I'm going to kill you. Painfully."
"No kiwwing Daddy," Elicia scolded.
"I won't kill your daddy..."
"Pwomise?"
"I promise."
Elicia kissed him on the cheek and climbed down him. Roy was relieved.
"You should get a wife!"
"I promised not to kill you. I never promised not to hurt you."
"You're nearly thirty..."
"Don't remind me."
"Brother, no eating the cake yet..."
"But I'm hungry!"
"Who invited them?" Roy was past exasperated and running out of frustration. And there were Elrics. Elrics made everything worse.
"They just showed up, sir."
"Yeah, whatever. Can I go now?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because it's your party," pointed out Hughes.
"No, it's yours."
"Come on, Roy..."
"I don't like parties."
"More cake for me then," said Edward Elric, licking frosting off his fingers.
"Sir, it is your birthday."
"So then I don't have to have a party if I don't want one."
"Colonel..."
"What is it?"
"You're behaving like a teenager." Riza charitably refrained from saying 'Elric', which was what she meant.
"Hey!" Ed crossed his arms angrily.
"Fine..." Roy grumbled. Anything was better than being like Edward Elric.
This was when Armstrong decided to give the birthday boy a hug, and Roy amended that thought. Anything was better than being like Edward Elric, except being suffocated by Armstrong.
"Let me go, or I swear I will torch you," he managed to say through gritted teeth.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SIR!"
He was dropped by Armstrong, which was almost as bad as being hugged by him.
"I'm going to go jump off a bridge," he announced, and left.
After a few minutes, he discovered Riza Hawkeye following him.
"Lieutenant?"
"If you jump off a bridge, I'd have to shoot you."
"I see." He let her catch up.
"That or follow you, I suppose."
"And we can't let that happen, can we?" Roy smiled.
"No, sir." She smiled back. Hands, nearly touching, were noticed and pulled away.
"Lunch?"
"Sir?"
"I'm hungry. It's lunchtime. Let's have lunch." He pointed to a high-end restaurant. "There, you think?"
"Don't you need a reservation to eat one?"
"And I, conveniently, have one. If we don't hurry we'll be late."
"Sir..."
"Humor me. It is my birthday, after all."
She sighed. "Yes, sir."
"Good." He smiled, and they went.
"I insist."
"You don't have to."
"I want to."
"Lieutenant..."
"I'm at least paying for my own food, sir."
"I can pay for it myself."
"Really?"
"Really!"
"I see..."
"Lieutenant."
She raised her eyebrows and took a sip of her slightly pink beverage. "I believe you..." she said in a humoring tone.
"No, you don't."
"Well, no."
"Why not?"
"You live on a couch, sir."
"Your couch."
"Exactly."
"Fine. Fifty-fifty."
"Yes, sir."
He gave her gentlemanly assistance to stand, which she accepted with a raised eyebrow. The bill was paid as agreed, a random direction was decided upon, and they set off.
"May I speak freely, sir?" Riza asked as they turned into a semi-abandoned alley.
"Of course."
"Is this a date?"
"Do you think it's a date?"
"Yes."
"Then it's a date."
"Are you sure that's appropriate?"
"Well, it is my birthday..."
"I see."
"Actually, it isn't appropriate at all. In fact, it's quite careless of me."
"Definitely."
"Incredibly unprofessional," he said, stepping unprofessionally closer, "They could court-martial us for this."
"Easily," she agreed, narrowing the already unprofessional distance between them. She paused. "I didn't get you anything." This was a quite uncharacteristic thing for Riza Hawkeye to say, so Roy had a suspicion of what was coming.
As he suspected, it was a kiss. Not a bad birthday after all.