1
Broken
In an unfamiliar room, in a country far from the one he called home, a young man stood alone in the dark looking at his reflection in a full length mirror. Watery blue eyes, usually so brilliant and full of hope stared back at him reflecting the depth of his suffering, both past and present. Down the hall the sounds of life, of familiar voices echoed, yet somehow seemed so far away, especially their laughter, it faded into a dull almost painful sound. A sound he knew well, the mocking, hurtful laughs that in the past were so often directed at him. Slender fingers slowly traced over the scars on the boy's face, barely touching his own skin as if it might burn him. Those hollow eyes followed the movement of his hand in the mirror, watching as if the hand was not his own. Tears threatened to spill as the blue eyes looked over the sinewy figure in the mirror. Moving from those hideous reminders of what he truly was marring his cheeks, down the graceful lines of his neck, to the slender shoulders. Following down his chest, the long torso he saw as being too small, too thin and fragile, down to a firm, toned stomach and on to 'boney' hips. The figure frowned, trembling hands ghosting over the sharp angles of bone at his hips as the tears started to fall.
Sharp nails dug into the thin flesh over those hips, clawing at the perceived flaws as if trying to tear them away. The rise and fall of the chest in the reflection quickened as anger and pain peaked. Scratching hard till the marks left behind rose and turned red then the tan flesh became moist with blood. Pieces of skin beneath his nails, the boy began clawing his arms, ripping away layers of skin, continuing long after the bleeding started there.
"Even after years of training you're so weak...fucking pathetic...you can't do anything right...Sasuke hates you..Chiyo-baa-sama had to die because you couldn't even save Gaara... you're worthless..."
A fierce, crazed look hid the deeply hurt soul behind those vivid blue eyes as the young man turned his attention to his cheeks. Those marks, he wanted to destroy them, to rip away the evidence of the beast that lived within him. Tearing into his flesh, he clawed at his own face till the tears and blood blinded him.
"Ugly... freak... Fucking Monster... did you really think he gave a shit about you? He used you moron... and laughed at you like everyone else... No one could ever love you... you're stupid... worthless... everyone would be better off if you just died... the village would be happy.. Fuck they'd make a holiday out of it... UGHHHHHHH... I HATE YOU!"
Screaming at the Naruto in the mirror, fearing this rising anger, the swelling tempest of emotions, the blonde haired youth clenched his blood soaked hands into tight, white-knuckled fists and punched the reflection as hard as he could. Wishing in vain that the real him would shatter like the glass that sliced into his finely boned hands, and fell to the floor as the mirror fragments came crashing down around him like rain. Piercing his flesh. The boy pulled his long tan legs tight against his chest and buried his face as he gave in and sobbed openly. His heart ached, mirroring the damage his fists had done to the reflective glass, painfully cutting him inside like the shards cut his skin.
The loud crash brought the attention of someone the blonde least wanted to see at that moment. Another boy, one with dark once emotionless eyes and ink black hair. Those dark eyes looked on with what could only be concern for the half naked, trembling, and bleeding figure of his teammate. Cautiously the taller, dark haired boy moved towards the obviously injured blonde and slowly knelt beside the only person who made him feel anything at all. Carefully the other boy began picking the shards of glass from the other boy's golden hair, brushing the tiny fragments of the mirror off his bare skin and removing those pieces still stuck in the smaller boy's hand.
More than worried, the dark haired boy looked over the wounds on the blue eyed boy, gauging the severity and deciding the deep gashes in his teammates hand needed the most immediate attention. Sighing deeply, the pale boy realized he couldn't do anything while the young man remained in his current, defensive position and broke the frighteningly deep silence.
"Naruto..."
The blonde whimpered, shaking like a leaf, hating the knowledge that this boy, of all people, was seeing him this way, so weak, so...pathetic. Unable to look the boy in the eye, the blonde withdrew further into himself, practically curling into a ball.
Sai felt hurt, among other things, emotions he wasn't sure even had a name, but most of all he felt an intense need to do whatever he could to help the boy in front of him. The person who'd taught him what a real smile was, who'd shown him the power and intensity of the bonds between people. The boy he thought must have been the embodiment of a perfect spring day, with a smile brighter than the sun, clear blue sky eyes, the energy and childlike excitement of true happiness, of joy and hope, of dreams.
Yes, the one who before meeting the annoyingly hyper, smiling blonde, had thought emotions worthless and that he was unable to have them, was now certain he could never return to that state of emptiness ever again. On top of that it seemed the strongest of his new-found emotions were connected to that blonde idiot bleeding on the floor before him. Emotions at first he fought hard as anything to deny. Emotions he'd finally come to accept and just recently embrace. Strong, intense emotions, which, as he looked over the broken blonde, tugged at something in his chest, painfully making him aware of their full depth and strength. It hurt him to see his teammate this way, in so much pain. He wanted to be able to take all of it away, to bring that stupid grin back to Naruto's beautiful face.
"N...Naru... why... ?"
Getting no response Sai decided talking wasn't going to do much of anything when the blonde was this distraught. The dark haired boy sighed out loud, wrapping his arms around the still trembling figure of his 'friend' and pulled the blonde to his feet. Careful to support him, Sai lead Naruto into the bathroom, sitting the boy down on the edge of the tub while he found a wash cloth and wet it with carefully tested warm water. As gently as he could, Sai cleaned the blood from his teammate's usually flawless tan skin, making sure to remove any remaining bits of glass. He could feel his heart sink as he held the blonde's head still to wipe the blood from that angelic face. Why would his little ray of sunshine do this to himself, couldn't he see how special he was, and as Sai somewhat begrudgingly noted, not only to the dark eyed ninja but to so many people whom the caring, loyal, trusting and damn sexy blonde boy... Sai inwardly cursed himself for thinking about something like that at a time like this. He couldn't deny he was attracted to the Kyuubi container, no not just attracted, he was enamored with the foxy young man, and all too often found himself thinking things one shouldn't about his teammate. But right now there was no seductively captivating smile on the blonde's face, nor was there that amazingly bewitching sparkle in his big blue eyes. Just the look of a hurt, lost, lonely child and that more than anything caused Sai's heart to bleed, to feel that twinge of pain at the thought of losing his precious person before he had the chance to begin having him.
With all of these thoughts running through his head it was no surprise to Sai when his cheeks became wet with his own tears.
"Damn you Uzumaki... as soon as I let myself feel again you go and do something stupid... you don't get it do you... you're not alone baka... Why do this to yourself... do you even realize how much you mean to people? To Sakura...Kakashi-sensei, to Gaara, and all your friends in Konoha? to everyone you meet... I swear if this is because of that Uchiha bastard...I'll make him wish he'd never been born "
Before he had a chance to think better of it, the dark haired shinobi found himself looking into Naruto's eyes, gently touching the other boy's skin, caressing his cheek with a feather light touch as if fearful the angelic blonde would brake if touched too hard.
"Damn you Naruto...damn you for doing this to me...making me love you... Kami...please ...Naruto... Gomenasai ..."
Still he got no response from the trembling boy and bowed his head. Sai continued in silence, washing the blood from the boy's skin, cleaning and bandaging the wound on his hand, even walking the blonde back to the bedroom, putting a t-shirt on him and tucking him in to bed. Hoping once he rested he would feel even slightly better, at least enough to talk. The dark haired boy then went to work cleaning up the pieces of the shattered mirror, sweeping up the shards and throwing them away before returning to watch over his teammate. Turning off the light Sai sat up, on the bed beside Naruto, watching as the exhausted, emotionally drained boy slipped away to sleep. He sat up as long as he could, eventually falling asleep beside the blonde, only on top of the covers rather than underneath, praying that things would be better tomorrow when they awoke.