A/N: Hiyee! Cherry-chan here! This story is a somewhat personal story to
me, I can't really tell what inspired me to write it ^^;;; But I hope you
like! Thanks to you people who've been reading my other fanfic Another
Beginning or Ending, I'll try to update that soon, I just really wanted to
get this one out. If you like please review and let me know whatcha think
kay? Peace!!
1 Life
I do what I want, when I want, and no one is ever going to stop me. This is what I live by, I don't care who I hurt, if they get in my way I'll do whatever it takes to rip them apart so I can be happy, fuck them if they try to stop me. After all, if they really cared they'd shut up and let me be.
'That's why you lost them…' Says that horrible nagging voice in my head. I just wish it would go away. I didn't need them, they obviously weren't real friends, they didn't really care they would just lecture and bother me all the time. I stare almost mesmerized at the picture of all of us together. I look so happy in it--it just makes me want to cry. The picture becomes blurry and soon I feel the ripped pieces fall through my fingers. They never could understand me anyway. It's not my fault they left. It's not…isn't it?
I watch as he downs yet another bottle laughing and kidding with his friends, no, our friends. I smile and laugh too but I'm not really there. I'm far away watching this scene. Watching my loved one slowly killing himself and watching as I help him along in the façade that we are really happy. It's all a lie. Why didn't I ever notice it till now? What we thought before was just having a drink now and then suddenly turned into drinking all the time. No get together was without alcohol, drugs, and any other means of escape. Is this making me happy? I'm always laughing, always having a ball, but why am I so sad and lonely all the time? Why in some small of part of myself does this hurt so much? Where is the meaning in this all? He leans over and kisses me, I eagerly respond giddy from everything around me. Someone passes around yet another pitcher, and some tabs to boot. I take it all, anything for that high feeling, constantly ignoring that voice from what used to be me, screaming at me, yet only whispering at the same time. Watching and wondering, is this really me?
It's the next morning. I wake with the feeling that my head had been ripped in two. I look around the room in a dead haze wondering why the hell I woke up in the first place. That's when I notice the dull loud buzz of my alarm clock. Work. Oh yes, I had to go to work. I try to focus on the clock to end the horrible noise that only seemed to grow increasingly louder, but it seemed to move whenever I reached out to it. I slam my hand down hard, finally giving my ears some relief. I roll over on my stomach feeling sick and wishing I could just stay in bed and forget about work. The world was still spinning and I wanted to stay in bed where everything stayed still. After some time I finally manage to roll out of bed and onto the floor taking my soiled sheets down with me. The sun is shining. I wish the sun would go away. It's overly cheerful brightness hurt me to look at.
At work I rush around, a smile painted on my face, holding tray after tray of plates and glasses. I hear the soft jingle of the glasses in my ear, promising me what was yet to come at the end of my long day.
I walk around to my tables, most of them now empty though littered with ice melted glasses and ashes that missed the already over flowing ash trays. I pull my tips off the tables—of course they only left spare change, or only the bare minimum. Shit. People never leave enough.
My last table is still full, happy and slightly drunken voices rise above the sounds of the cooks cursing in Spanish within the kitchen as they clean up for the night.
"Is there anything else?" I ask in an overtly sweet and polite voice subliminally shaking my head no. One man in particular looks up at me.
"No that is all, thank you—Mimi." He murmurs as I see his gaze drift from my nametag to my face.
I was surprised that he was even audible he said my name so softly I didn't even see his lips move. I tried to pull on my smile but his eyes still lingered on me. I felt anxious as though I had to get away from him in fear that I would be forever trapped in those eyes. They were such a strange color, more blue than the ocean and just as deep, the blue around his pupils was so dark you felt like you could just fall blissfully into them. I left the bill on the table and hurried off to the bar to finish up my side work.
"Why don't they just fucking leave already?" I murmured savagely under my breath after I tossed the last of my rolled silverware into the bin. I heard my friend Nyki's giggle behind me.
"Long day huh?" She cooed plopping herself on the barstool next to me as she pulled her ponytail out to let her long blonde hair fall onto her shoulders.
"Tell me about it."
"Don't worry honey, we'll get a drink after this okay? Then you'll feel so much better."
I watch her smile comfortingly before she scoots off to try to kick out the rest of our customers. I held my head in my hands waiting for the night to just be over already.
I dully look over at my last table to see Nyki giggling flirtatiously with the intense blue-eyed man. He just gazed up at her smiling as she chirped away. Growing bored with the scene I stretched my arms and back before looking back over to see if Nyki has shooed the out yet—he was looking at me. He smiled slightly at me as the rest of his companions threw their jackets on and stood to go. Only then I noticed the familiar spike in his bleached blonde hair shining like feathers. It seemed as though I only blinked once before he too was disappearing out the door with the rest of his cheery group.
"Oh my god Mimi did you see that guy?" Nyki cooed while pulling her tips from her apron and began counting. "I didn't think men came that sexy!"
"Yeah…" I murmured offhandedly feeling slightly disturbed. He looked so familiar somehow.
"Oh but Mimi I'm so jealous!" Nyki pouted. "He asked about you! Even when you have a boyfriend you still get all the men."
"What?" I ask dumbfounded.
"He asked for your phone number, so me, being the good friend I am, gave it to him." She beamed proudly, but as she counted the last of her tips the corners of her mouth lowered.
"Nyki!" I cried irritated. "What about Michael?"
Nyki shrugged. "You've been with him for like what—two whole months now? Isn't that long enough?"
Before I could think about this or answer, Nyki jumped up and clung to my arm pulling me up. "Come on," she whined slightly. "Lets go out get a few drinks! Your dear Michael said he'd meet us."
The next morning I was rudely ripped away from my pleasant dreams of beautiful people in a beautiful shining world by a horrible scream. No wait, not a scream, it was the phone ringing. Trying to pull my blurry eyes back into focus I grope around my floor feeling for the phone. I finally find it under my work uniform and answer groggily. "Hello?"
"Is this Mimi?" A deep soothing voice replied almost making me wonder if I was still dreaming.
"Huh?" I reply stifling a yawn as I rub the sleep from my eyes trying to stay concentrated—or at best—awake. "I mean yes, yes this is Mimi. Who is this?"
"Heh, it really is you. Even after all this time Mimi you haven't changed."
"Huh?" I ask again even more confused though the realization slowly hit me before he even said who it was. Beautiful intense blue eyes, that halo of bleached blonde hair, who else could it be?
"It's Matt."
I could feel my hands grow cold as I clutched the phone nervously. It had been almost seven years without ever seeing him or any of them ever again. Why would he call me? I thought everyone had forgotten all about me or never wanted to see me? And Matt of all people…Why?
TBC???
Review if you want more cause I dunno if I should continue or not…^^;;;;
1 Life
I do what I want, when I want, and no one is ever going to stop me. This is what I live by, I don't care who I hurt, if they get in my way I'll do whatever it takes to rip them apart so I can be happy, fuck them if they try to stop me. After all, if they really cared they'd shut up and let me be.
'That's why you lost them…' Says that horrible nagging voice in my head. I just wish it would go away. I didn't need them, they obviously weren't real friends, they didn't really care they would just lecture and bother me all the time. I stare almost mesmerized at the picture of all of us together. I look so happy in it--it just makes me want to cry. The picture becomes blurry and soon I feel the ripped pieces fall through my fingers. They never could understand me anyway. It's not my fault they left. It's not…isn't it?
I watch as he downs yet another bottle laughing and kidding with his friends, no, our friends. I smile and laugh too but I'm not really there. I'm far away watching this scene. Watching my loved one slowly killing himself and watching as I help him along in the façade that we are really happy. It's all a lie. Why didn't I ever notice it till now? What we thought before was just having a drink now and then suddenly turned into drinking all the time. No get together was without alcohol, drugs, and any other means of escape. Is this making me happy? I'm always laughing, always having a ball, but why am I so sad and lonely all the time? Why in some small of part of myself does this hurt so much? Where is the meaning in this all? He leans over and kisses me, I eagerly respond giddy from everything around me. Someone passes around yet another pitcher, and some tabs to boot. I take it all, anything for that high feeling, constantly ignoring that voice from what used to be me, screaming at me, yet only whispering at the same time. Watching and wondering, is this really me?
It's the next morning. I wake with the feeling that my head had been ripped in two. I look around the room in a dead haze wondering why the hell I woke up in the first place. That's when I notice the dull loud buzz of my alarm clock. Work. Oh yes, I had to go to work. I try to focus on the clock to end the horrible noise that only seemed to grow increasingly louder, but it seemed to move whenever I reached out to it. I slam my hand down hard, finally giving my ears some relief. I roll over on my stomach feeling sick and wishing I could just stay in bed and forget about work. The world was still spinning and I wanted to stay in bed where everything stayed still. After some time I finally manage to roll out of bed and onto the floor taking my soiled sheets down with me. The sun is shining. I wish the sun would go away. It's overly cheerful brightness hurt me to look at.
At work I rush around, a smile painted on my face, holding tray after tray of plates and glasses. I hear the soft jingle of the glasses in my ear, promising me what was yet to come at the end of my long day.
I walk around to my tables, most of them now empty though littered with ice melted glasses and ashes that missed the already over flowing ash trays. I pull my tips off the tables—of course they only left spare change, or only the bare minimum. Shit. People never leave enough.
My last table is still full, happy and slightly drunken voices rise above the sounds of the cooks cursing in Spanish within the kitchen as they clean up for the night.
"Is there anything else?" I ask in an overtly sweet and polite voice subliminally shaking my head no. One man in particular looks up at me.
"No that is all, thank you—Mimi." He murmurs as I see his gaze drift from my nametag to my face.
I was surprised that he was even audible he said my name so softly I didn't even see his lips move. I tried to pull on my smile but his eyes still lingered on me. I felt anxious as though I had to get away from him in fear that I would be forever trapped in those eyes. They were such a strange color, more blue than the ocean and just as deep, the blue around his pupils was so dark you felt like you could just fall blissfully into them. I left the bill on the table and hurried off to the bar to finish up my side work.
"Why don't they just fucking leave already?" I murmured savagely under my breath after I tossed the last of my rolled silverware into the bin. I heard my friend Nyki's giggle behind me.
"Long day huh?" She cooed plopping herself on the barstool next to me as she pulled her ponytail out to let her long blonde hair fall onto her shoulders.
"Tell me about it."
"Don't worry honey, we'll get a drink after this okay? Then you'll feel so much better."
I watch her smile comfortingly before she scoots off to try to kick out the rest of our customers. I held my head in my hands waiting for the night to just be over already.
I dully look over at my last table to see Nyki giggling flirtatiously with the intense blue-eyed man. He just gazed up at her smiling as she chirped away. Growing bored with the scene I stretched my arms and back before looking back over to see if Nyki has shooed the out yet—he was looking at me. He smiled slightly at me as the rest of his companions threw their jackets on and stood to go. Only then I noticed the familiar spike in his bleached blonde hair shining like feathers. It seemed as though I only blinked once before he too was disappearing out the door with the rest of his cheery group.
"Oh my god Mimi did you see that guy?" Nyki cooed while pulling her tips from her apron and began counting. "I didn't think men came that sexy!"
"Yeah…" I murmured offhandedly feeling slightly disturbed. He looked so familiar somehow.
"Oh but Mimi I'm so jealous!" Nyki pouted. "He asked about you! Even when you have a boyfriend you still get all the men."
"What?" I ask dumbfounded.
"He asked for your phone number, so me, being the good friend I am, gave it to him." She beamed proudly, but as she counted the last of her tips the corners of her mouth lowered.
"Nyki!" I cried irritated. "What about Michael?"
Nyki shrugged. "You've been with him for like what—two whole months now? Isn't that long enough?"
Before I could think about this or answer, Nyki jumped up and clung to my arm pulling me up. "Come on," she whined slightly. "Lets go out get a few drinks! Your dear Michael said he'd meet us."
The next morning I was rudely ripped away from my pleasant dreams of beautiful people in a beautiful shining world by a horrible scream. No wait, not a scream, it was the phone ringing. Trying to pull my blurry eyes back into focus I grope around my floor feeling for the phone. I finally find it under my work uniform and answer groggily. "Hello?"
"Is this Mimi?" A deep soothing voice replied almost making me wonder if I was still dreaming.
"Huh?" I reply stifling a yawn as I rub the sleep from my eyes trying to stay concentrated—or at best—awake. "I mean yes, yes this is Mimi. Who is this?"
"Heh, it really is you. Even after all this time Mimi you haven't changed."
"Huh?" I ask again even more confused though the realization slowly hit me before he even said who it was. Beautiful intense blue eyes, that halo of bleached blonde hair, who else could it be?
"It's Matt."
I could feel my hands grow cold as I clutched the phone nervously. It had been almost seven years without ever seeing him or any of them ever again. Why would he call me? I thought everyone had forgotten all about me or never wanted to see me? And Matt of all people…Why?
TBC???
Review if you want more cause I dunno if I should continue or not…^^;;;;