Slipping into Crimson
HieiKuramaFan
Warnings There are some suicide attempts, especially this whole first chapter... and graphic details. This is not meant to be a happy story, so if you don't want your "happy bubble" popped, then I suggest you go find another story to read. This story is shounen ai/yaoi themed, so if you don't like it, then again, I suggest you go find another story to read.
Disclaimer I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho, it all belongs to Yoshihiro Togashi. However, the events portrayed in this fiction are just that, fictional. None of it has really happened. So don't sue me.
A/N: Italics are thoughts, bolded words are being emphasized.
A/N: I've done this story once before, but am now uploading the re-written version of it. By the time I am done, the original story will no longer be available to the internet. Not to worry, no major plot changes are being written, mostly just the lengthening of the chapters and corrections of grammatical errors on my part from when I was much younger. As far as how to tell which chapters have been re-written and which haven't, the re-written chapters will have this additional author's note contained in the upper portion of the story as you see here. Chapters without this author's note are intact and are the originals. Thank-you for your patience, and for returning to read over this semi-popular story if you happen to do so. Reviews are still loved and welcome. ;)
...Happy Reading...
Chapter One, Blood Rush
Rain poured down over the city of Tokyo. Dark ominous clouds hung overhead while people scrambled to get under shelter or to open umbrellas. Lightning flashed, and thunder rumbled angrily overhead. All the while from the safety of his house, a boy looked longingly out the window, dark eyes taking in the downpour with depressive thoughts forming in his head.
Why? Why do I even bother? It's not like any of them care... why should they? They've all got their own lives to get caught up in... I'm always left out... Kuwabara's got Yukina... Kurama's got Hiei... Botan's too into her job... Genkai's never here... even Keiko... why should any of them care? They don't now.. My mother's a drunk and probably a whore to boot... If I'd be to just off myself... none of them would even notice... not a damned one...
He ripped his eyes away from the window and looked around his small apartment angrily. He had no meaning in life anymore... least none that he could see. He "saved the world" time and time again, saved his "family and friends", and yet once he'd done what they all expected him to do... it seemed he was always the only one left standing alone. Why did he feel so disconnected from all of them, from everything? Why did he feel that they shut him out time and time again? He stood from his seat by the window and quickly strode into the kitchen where he opened a drawer and reached in, looking for the one object amongst the clutter he wanted...
While he was rummaging, his thought drifted back to him. It all had seemed so surreal, these last few years. After Genkai's return... after the ordeal with Sensui, and even the tournament that followed... when he learned he was the son of the demon lord Raizen... it all just seemed like a haze. Once he'd come back, it hadn't been to find Keiko waiting for him like she'd promised she would... the girl had moved on, or so he'd heard from Kurama. Apparently, she'd managed to fall for some charming, upstanding guy who attended the University her and Kuwabara went to. It had happened almost two years before his return to the human plane... and not one of them... not Kurama, not Kuwabara, not Hiei, not KoEnma... none of them had bothered to call out to him... to tell him what was going on... to tell him, that because of situations that were beyond his control due to his line of work... he was about to lose the love of his life...
Finally, he had what he'd been looking for. Pulling the knife out by the blade, he only grimaced slightly as he felt the sharpened edge slice through his flesh. The crimson liquid dripped slowly from his fingertips and down his palm, onto his wrist and to his arm, and finally fell to the floor. Catching his reflection in the blade, he took a moment to study it... raven-black hair slicked back only partially, dark eyes wide and hopeless... lost, unsure, insecure. He turned the blade away from his face and turned his left palm upwards so that the underside of his wrist was now facing him, chocolate eyes traveling from his wrist to the blade and back several times before turning it again to watch his still oozing fingertips. A twisted half smile came over his face as he watched the blood slowly continue its inevitable progress to the floor. It was amusing really... for once knowing he was in control. For once being the dictator of his own fate... such a change from his previous lifestyle. The teen's eyes wandered again around the apartment and rested on a picture of himself and his so called "friends".
His eyes darkened again as the thunder sounded outside and his thoughts came back to him.
They don't care... If they really honestly did, they would've noticed by now that something's wrong. That I'm not acting myself... but do any of them have even so much as a clue? Trying to fool me with false kindness and friendship... I can see right through them... they'd rather not put up with me... they never did in the first place. How can they just sit there and pretend that there's nothing wrong? Pretend that they're my friends? That they actually give a damn? How? HOW!
A snarl escaped his lips as he shook with anger, his eyes almost blurring as he looked at the tip of the knife in his hand. A seething self-loathing scorched through his veins... it was pathetic that he needed so much self-reassurance that no one around him gave a damn about his existence... pathetic that he was such a damned coward...
His eyes narrowed in anger and frustration, and he brought the blade up to his wrist. This was it, he was going to do it. He was going to do it and finally be free. Free from all of his loneliness and misery. He started to press the tip of the blade into his skin, just a light amount of pressure, not too much and watched as the sharpened edge made a thin cut into his flesh and blood seeped out of it steadily. Another twisted half smile came over his lips as the cut tingled with pain as the blood started to drip slowly from his wrist.
That's it... If I just press harder, I'll end it. I'll end it all. And they can have their fun picking someone else to defend nigenkai... they can continue their lives without me... just a little harder...
He continued to press the blade into his skin, watching as the blood flow increased quickly. It was dripping from his arm rapidly now... no... not dripping... pouring was the word for it. The room started to spin as he pressed harder still against the knife, digging it into his flesh. Everything started to become blurred as his eyes slid in and out of focus, he was falling down...down...down... into the crimson liquid that had already pooled on his floor at his feet as the thunder sounded again outside. He barley noticed it. He closed his eyes as the world kept spinning, draging him with it. He knew this was it... he'd finally be free... finally... He didn't hear or notice the opening and slamming of the front door... nor did he hear the yells of "Oh My God!" and assorted other worried cries. All he knew was that he, Yusuke Urameshi...
Was finally free.