Chapter One:

The console glistened and shimmered as the Doctor's hands worked fervently around it. 'Just one trip!' he called from his position, kneeling on one of the more vacant panels. 'One, that's all!' He clambered down onto the dais with the grace of an impala, and the elegance of a pile of bricks. 'Vastra had Christmas with the family in the Eocene era, Jenny had a set of handkerchiefs, and you get a trip.'

The Doctor stepped back, examining his work. The tinsel was mostly removed from the TARDIS interior now, aside from one or two errant strands. He turned to face the corridor. 'Strax! Are you listening!'

Perfectly on cue, Strax waddled into the console room, his butler's uniform as immaculate and pristine as ever, a cloth in his hand. 'Of course I am!' He hesitated. 'What were you saying?'

With a huff, the Doctor repeated himself. 'Now,' he continued at last, 'the rules. No crossing your own timeline, no battles or wars, and no popping back to Sontar.' Before Strax could interject, the Doctor cut him off: 'And you know why! We almost started a civil war just because you took back a birthday present.' He fiddled with a dial on the console, muttering, 'And civil war with a clone race, talk about self-hatred!'

'So where can we go, then?' asked Strax, folding his arms behind his back.

'Anywhere! The First High Court of Peladon! The siege of Alexandria! Queen at Liveaid, 1985. The world is your oyster. Well, not world, but… well, you know.'

Strax stood up a little proudly. 'The Ouroboros Cluster.'

'The Ouroboros Cluster?' The Doctor's eyes darted from side to side as he thought. 'Isn't that a cereal?'

Walking to the console, Strax started to input co-ordinates. 'The Ouroboros Cluster, just beyond the Eye of Tranquillity.' He tilted the monitor to show the Doctor.

'Oh, that Ouroboros Cluster,' said the Doctor. 'Bit dull, don't you think? Just a couple of burnt out planets, probably from solar radiation. What about the Boxer Rebellion? Lots of fire – you like fire, don't you?'

Strax sighed. 'What do you know of Sontaran Mythology, Doctor?'

'More gods of war than most species have dynasties?'

'Sontaran history is a little more sophisticated than you might think, Doctor. We have our own legends and tales. Like that Earth woman who disappeared.'

'What woman?'

'Mary Celeste.'

'Mary – Strax, the Marie Celeste was a ship!'

'The ship that disappeared, then.'

'And she didn't dis – it didn't – oh, shut up.' The Doctor rubbed his face. 'Alright, what's the Ouroboros Cluster got to do with Sontaran mythology?'

'It is where the famed Forty-Seventh Legion Fragments were unearthed.'

'Strax, am I likely to get a straight answer at any point this lifetime?' The Sontaran bristled. 'Alright, alright, I'm sorry. Go on.'

'Fragments of Sontaran weaponry were discovered in the Ouroboros Cluster, some fifty parsecs beyond even the remotest Sontaran outpost. There is no record of even a single Sontaran going to that region of space, let alone enough to leave behind that much debris.'

'I get you.'

'No Sontaran has ever discovered what really happened to the fabled Forty-Seventh Legion.'

'And that's what you want for Christmas? Well, if it's what you want…' The Doctor slammed down a lever. Bursting into life, the TARDIS heaved and roared, groaned and shrieked. 'I have to warn you, though!' He shouted over the din. 'Probably won't lead to anything!'

'See?' The Doctor poked his head out of the doors to the TARDIS. 'Nothing.'

All around the TARDIS, the sky of mottled black and purple raged over an ashen grey landscape. It rose and fell like waves, the surface pitted with craters. The blue of the TARDIS was the only speck of colour in the entire landscape, like a star in the night sky.

Opening the doors fully, the Doctor stepped outside, Strax following behind him. 'Atmosphere should be alright. The TARDIS projected a oxygen bubble for a few miles radius, more than enough for a wander.' He held his hands out, and clasped them to his side once more. '"Night's candles are burnt out, and jocund day stands tiptoe on the misty mountain tops –" Strax, will you stop polishing the TARDIS?'

Strax looked up from his chamois. 'Sorry,' he said, pocketing it. 'Force of habit.'

'What was your war name?' The Doctor started to walk away from the TARDIS. 'You know, Hask the Invincible, Stide the Unstoppable, Thast the Rather-Naughty-And-Enjoys-Killing-Puppies, so forth. What was yours? Strax the Dustmaster?'

'Strax the Powerful, actually. Don't the Time Lords have any names for you?'

'Oh, they've got more than a few names for me, and none I'd care to repeat. We prefer to have qualifications – "Winner of the Order of Rassilon, Prydonian Chapter," all that malarkey.'

'A name should strike fear into the enemy's heart!' barked Strax enthusiastically. 'Not confuse them!'

'No reason you can't do both. At least, that's what I try.'

'Why are you doing this, Doctor?' asked Strax, stopping by a small mound.

'Because you wanted to come here.'

'The presents. Twenty years you spent on that cloud, and not so much as a postcard.'

'Well, that's because…' The Doctor shuffled uncomfortably from foot to foot. 'You see…'

'It was that governess, wasn't it? The one who enjoyed connecting mouths with you.'

'Clara. Her name is Clara.' Strax tilted his head. 'Was. Was Clara, meant to use… past tense, obviously…' The Doctor clapped his hands together. 'So! Ouroboros Cluster, bit of a deadend, wasn't it?'

'Doctor, you are clearly standing in the aftermath of a battlezone.' Strax stooped down and gathered a pile of the dirt in his hand. 'Look how charred it is.'

'Solar radiation.'

'Or Sontaran pulse rifles!'

'Or solar radiation! Now, if we're quick, we can still make it back to Genghis Khan's place for the third round of charades.'

'Doctor!'

'Strax, I'm sorry, but there's nothing here. That was probably just a stray bit of flotsam and jetsam in the vortex, or something.'

'So there's nothing on this planet, is there?'

'Nothing apart from you, me, and a lot of dirt.'

'And that.'

Strax pointed over the Doctor's shoulder. There, perhaps three, maybe four miles away, was a Sontaran battleship, bulbous and bloated, a giant metallic insect.

'Oh,' said the Doctor. 'And that.'

Strax grinned. 'That's a Sontaran ship, isn't it?'

'Shut up.'

'Which means Sontarans.'

'Shut up.'

'Which means – '

'Alright, alright. We'll check it out.' Sticking his hands into his pockets, the Doctor set off towards the ship. 'But only if you agree to stop talking.'

The two figures slowly worked their way towards the ship.

'It's been deactivated for years, if it was ever working at all,' the Doctor explained as they walked, 'hence why the TARDIS didn't pick it up.' He huffed. 'How long ago were the fragments found?'

'At the time I left, fifty years.'

'Fifty years. And not once did you think to send someone over to investigate?'

'Sontarans don't do archaeology.'

'What, don't like dwelling on the past?'

'No, we just keep breaking things by accident.' Strax demonstrated his hand, the bulkiness of each of the three fingers.

'Oh, that makes sense.'

'And besides, the Grand Controller didn't want to spend any extraneous troops on digging up a wasteland when there was a war to be fought.'

'I've heard that before.' The Doctor glanced up. There was still a mile or so to go before they could reach the ship. 'Are you happy, Strax? With Jenny and Vastra, I mean.'

'Why not?'

'Well, Victorian London. You must get some funny looks.'

'And why would that be?'

The Doctor indicated vaguely around Strax. 'You're not exactly winning any beauty competitions, are you?'

Strax sniffed. 'Neither is Jenny. Especially not with that absurd number of fingers!' He looked up at the Doctor. 'Why do you ask?'

'Only… I just wanted to check. Being the only member of your race, stuck in a primitive age of a strange world, it can't be fun.'

'I don't know about "primitive." They've some very elegant ales in their time. And their wars! I have just finished the recount of the attempted Martian invasion, by the war historian HG Wells!'

'What? Oh, you mean War of the…' The Doctor shook his head, laughing. 'Wait until you see the radio play. Or the musical, for that matter.'

'Quite extraordinary, the way the people of that planet appear to forget their greatest conquests! It would that nobody had even heard of the battle, let alone recalled it!'

'That's humans for you. Haven't you been thinking about your future? What you might like to do when you're… actually, how long do Sontarans live for? I've never seen one die of natural causes, come to think of it.'

'The oldest known Sontaran was Hark the Eternal. He lived to fifteen.'

'Fifteen?' The Doctor let out a low whistle. 'Wow…'

'He was held as a prisoner of war by the Rutans for thirteen years. He attempted suicide on a daily basis to escape his captors.'

Suddenly, a flash of light shot past Strax. It slashed open his cheek; he raised a hand to it, and drew it back with a blot of sickly green blood.

'Are we under attack?' he asked the Doctor, wiping the blood on handkerchief.

'Not sure…' Another blast shot between them, missing them both clean. 'There!' cried the Doctor, pointing to a hill. 'Came from over there!'

A third, fourth and fifth flash came towards them, streaks of bright crimson light. One passed clear over their heads; one sliced across the Doctor's sleeve, gashing it open; one passed through Strax's leg. He cried out in paid, and ducked quickly out of instinct.

Patting his sleeve to extinguish the smoke, the Doctor dropped down to examine Strax's leg. 'Doesn't seem too serious…' he muttered, more of the flashes rushing past over his head. 'But we need to get under cover. Now.'

'The ship!'

The Doctor weighed up his options. Looking at the oncoming volley of attacks, he made up his mind. 'The ship it is. Come on.'

He set off across the wasteland, charging towards the ungainly metal bulk. Strax followed as fast as he could, limping slightly on his damaged leg. All around them, the shots pelted the ground like rain, the odd one nicking them. One headed straight for the Doctor, set right at his chest…

A/N: I'll try to upload a chapter of this every day, around at around 2100GMT. Please leave a review, and follow if you liked it!