Hi everyone! It's me again with another story idea. I think someone used this song already but know now that I had this idea in my head for a while now, even before the other story came out. It isn't written the same so don't worry :P. It's just a small story that deals with Helga's feelings. I guess it's so you can understand what she goes through everyday (although I'm positive you all know that by now). Enjoy and review!
Reflections
By Hitomi_Fanel
Disclaimer: I don't own Hey Arnold but it would be nice if I did and if I did, Helga and Arnold would have been together already *Come on Craig! Get them together already!*
Advice: Play the song as you read this fic. It'll really make you listen to the lyrics and make you relate them to Helga. Plus, it makes the fic better. :P
"Nice one Football Head!" Helga mocked after dumping the tapioca pudding on him for the third time that week. She knew it was a mistake. She had tried to be nice but it just didn't work. Her self-image just wouldn't allow it. She had made conversations in her head repeatedly but when she tried to put them to work, they came out wrong. She just wish she could drop the charade; drop the mask and reveal the true her. Maybe one day her anger and her ego would allow it…
Look at me, you may think you see who I really am
But you'll never know me
Everyday, it's as if I play a part
Now I see, if I wear a mask I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart
The day became dreary and bleak with the gray clouds looming overhead. That was how Helga felt: gray and desolate. Ever since her little stunt in the cafeteria with Arnold, she felt even more miserable than before. It was the last straw on her cheerfulness that day.
She didn't cry about it either. She never cried. On the outside she was a fearless person who never backed down from anything when provoked. But on the inside she WAS crying. She wouldn't let anyone know however. If they did, the protect wall she had between her and the world would crumble and she would be vulnerable to being hurt. She didn't want that.
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show who I am inside?
The rain fell without mercy and the children ran home to a warm fire with their families. It was enough to make Helga sick. She didn't have a warm fire to go home to and she didn't have a loving family waiting for her. All she had to go home to was Miriam sleeping on the counter next to the blender while Big Bob yelled at the TV. And then later, Olga would drop by again for a "visit" and totally ruin Helga's chance of being noticed.
Helga sighed as she stood out in the rain.
I am now in a world where I have to hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow, I will show the world what's inside my heart
And the love for who I am
"Helga?" an oh-too-familiar voice cut through the sudden bolts of lighting that streaked through the sky, making the gray sky bright. Helga didn't even have to turn around to know who it was.
Arnold.
Why is he still here? she wondered without turning around. She put the wall between him and her and sighed, ready for anything. She decided to at least be a little nice. However, if he got to deep into her soul, she would simply snap at him and make him back off. She couldn't allow her defense down. The cost would be too great.
She turned around with her face unsmiling. "What are you still doing here Arnold?" she said softly.
He looked at her curiously, as if she had asked the wrong person. "What am I doing here? What are you doing still here? And out in the rain? You'll get sick," he responded with hidden worry.
Helga smiled at him and she could feel that it wasn't a mocking smile like he was used to. He actually looked like that smile had belonged to someone else and that he was talking to some stranger he didn't even know. Always worrying about people other than yourself… "Don't worry about me," she said weakly, her smile disappearing and her face taking on a look of sorrow.
Arnold shook his head. Helga knew he didn't quit until he got answers. She thought he would make a great lawyer. "I can tell something's bothering you Helga. I'm here to listen if you want to talk about it."
That was her cue.
She frowned and her hands clenched at her side. Arnold could tell he had hit a nerve and that once again, the hostile bully was back, taking the place of the vulnerable girl he had seen not too long ago.
Arnold saw immediately the frown disappeared and her hands unclenched. Her face looked sad again and she sighed, finally giving up. A tear trickled down her cheek but Arnold couldn't tell it was there because of the rain. He touched her arm gently. "Let's talk where there's shelter."
Helga let herself be guided up the steps of the school and near the doors where there was some shelter from the rain that had not ceased its mercy since it started. Arnold leaned against the door and Helga sat down away from him. She leaned against a wall.
Arnold looked her, hands in his pockets. "So," he began. "Why were you just standing there?"
Helga stayed quiet as she untied her wet hair and let it fall loosely around her. Arnold had never seen her with her hair down and he had to admit that it looked nice. It went curly while it dried and a piece of hair found it's way to the front of her head. With the bow still on her head, he felt a familiarity that was strong, yet he couldn't put his finger on it…
Helga took of the wet bow as well and began wringing all the water out of it. She still stayed quiet. She was deciding on what to tell him. Could she trust him with the truth? Would he understand her home situation? All the times that she had complained about her family she made it seem like a small deal and Arnold took it as that. He had no idea how big the situation really was. Would he believe her if she told him?
"Helga?" Arnold asked, trying to get her attention and trying to make her talk so he could help her and return her to the girl he knew, although he wasn't sure if he really wanted her back in that way. But it was better than having her like this. She was always so full of life and she could deal with certain things that he had never thought he could deal with. He didn't like to admit it but he admired her for being so strong.
Helga sighed and looked out towards the rain.
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection someone I don't know?
Must I pretend that I'm someone else
For all time
When will my reflection show who I am inside
"I guess I'll tell you what's wrong," she responded softly without looking at him. She paused and collected her thoughts as Arnold waited patiently. "I was standing out in the rain because I didn't want to go home."
Arnold was confused. Not want to go home? Why? She actually had parents to go
home to. Don't me wrong. I love my grandma and grandpa but I still wish
there was something more. I wish I had my parents…
Helga noticed the look
on his face. It was as if she could read him like a book. "Arnold, I don't want
you thinking that."
He turned to look at her with mild surprise. "Thinking what?"
She half grinned. "About your parents silly. I know that you were."
His eyebrows burrowed. "How could you tell?"
"I heard what happened with them," she said softly as she turned he gaze away. "And let me tell you this: I may have parents but I would much rather switch for the kind of life you have. You never have to pretend. You act like you. You don't hide behind a mask of mock and you don't defend yourself from being hurt like I do." After a moment of thinking, she gasped and realized what she had just told him. She had let her wall down! She had told him what was deep inside! What she hated the most! Now she was vulnerable to being hurt and she wasn't sure if she could stand it.
"Helga," Arnold said softly, realizing for the first time why Helga acted the way she did. He should have seen it sooner! She was protecting herself from being hurt! He remembered how nice she was when he had first met her six years ago. However, when all the kids started making fun of her, she hurt them all. They hurt her emotionally so she hurt them physically. It was as if the missing pieces of the puzzle that was Helga G. Pataki were found and out into their rightful place.
Helga got up and Arnold knew immediately what she was going to do. She was going to run away from her problems! That never worked! You had to work them out with someone; share them.
After she got up, something metallic hit the floor with a CLANG! noise. Helga stopped dead in her tracks. She knew that sound. It was her locket! She looked back in shock and saw Arnold pick it up. She groaned silently. That does it. My life is officially over
Helga tried to reach for it but Arnold kept it away. He wanted to have a closer look at it. Curiosity got to him. It glinted without the help of the sun. He recognized this locket. It was the same one his grandpa had! It had mysteriously disappeared on the day he had finally convinced him to put grandma's picture. Why did Helga have it?
He looked up at her and saw her standing there, shaking and afraid…of him? But why? She looked like she wanted to run and she looked even more vulnerable than usual. Like she was some China doll that could break with the slightest touch or word.
He finally found his voice. "Where did you get this Helga?"
"I-I-I…uh, I mean," she stammered out. She had lost all of her courage. Arnold had never seen her so afraid. Not even the time they had gotten on the ghost train was she this scared.
Arnold walked up to her and took her hand in his free one. He gave her hand a reassuring squeeze and he smiled to seal the deal. He wanted to know what was going on but he didn't want to scare her away by doing it.
Helga finally found at least an ounce of courage. "I-It's mine. I lost it that day and I tried whatever I could to get it back. I…didn't want you to find out."
His eyes widened slightly. "Find out what?"
She hesitated. Was this the right moment to tell him? Would she scare him off if she said it? Now's a good as time as any She sighed. "That I…love you."
There's a heart that must be freed
To fly
That burns with the need to know the reason why
Why must we all conceal
How we think, what we feel?
Must there be a secret me I'm forced to hide?
I won't pretend that I'm someone else for all time
Arnold's eyes widened even more and he let go of her hand. He wanted to run away and go home. He wanted to pretend like he had never heard those words. But when he saw the tears that were spilling down her face, he stayed, determined to see this through. He spoke in a shaky voice. "A-Are you serious?"
She looked at him for a second before she nodded slowly. "I've loved you since we were three."
"That long?!" he yelled out. He couldn't believe it.
She nodded again. "And I've done all that was possible for you never to find out. I knew all of this would backfire but I just wanted to keep it as long as I could."
This new bit of information seemed to be sinking in. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" he asked softly, not wanting to scare her even more that he had done already.
She looked down at the ground. "I was afraid. I didn't want to get hurt. I knew you would never like me in that way but I still hoped." She knew she sounded pathetic but she also knew that he wouldn't stop until all his insecurities were gone.
"In what ways have you kept this from me?"
She sighed. There was only one she REALLY wanted to tell him. And she was sure it was the one that would please him the most. She told him about her Cecile scheme. She explained to him that she did it to know what it was like to go on a date with him and get to know him without having to pretend…at least about the bullying. She knew she wouldn't be able to handle it as Helga and even if she could, that would mean revealing her secret.
Arnold was in shock. The girl he had dreams about every night ever since he'd seen her was standing right in front of him. In fact, she had always been with him without him even noticing. Was this some sort of joke? He looked into her eyes and was confirmed that she was very serious. She wasn't joking around. Arnold didn't know what to say. But he had to say something quick because she looked like she was going to run away again…like she had done after their date.
And do that she did…or at least she tried to.
At the last minute, Arnold had grabbed her by the arm and pulled her into his
arms. He resolved that if Helga = Cecile and Cecile = love, then Arnold + Helga
= love (that one's for you Roxy
Helga's eyes widened. "Y-You do?"
He nodded and slowly pulled his face towards her. They shared a kiss as the sun was breaking through the sky. Helga was happy because she had her Football Head and Arnold was happy because he had his dream girl.
The rest of their life sounded promising… (and it was ^_^. I don't want you to get the wrong idea that it wasn't.)
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
Ah! Done! I really hope you like this! You didn't expect it to be a Arnold/Helga fic did you? I tricked you into believing it was a Helga fic that had to do with her feelings. Okay…it started out that way but I just couldn't resist at putting them together. I like writing romance and I ALWAYS (note the ALWAYS) have romance in some way in my story. You'll NEVER (note the NEVER) read a story by me that is written for any other purpose other than having two people together in love and bliss ^_^. I'm such a romantic! ^_^. So tell me what you thought! I'll see you later!
My e-mail if you want to just drop a line and say hi:
Till later! Ja ne! (See ya!)
Note: I may be a little slow getting the revised version of chapter 1 for "The Adventure of a Lifetime" since I have to rehearse for a play and I have a lot of homework. But don't worry. I'll use ALL of my free time to work on it. I'm totally devoting myself to working on that story. Forget Chemistry! I'm bad at it anyway. (Yes, I am a junior in High school so don't ask)