I am a failure
I am a failure in each and ever possible way
I am a failure, I always will be
I am cursed child born of conflicting emotions
What other reason did my father, my father the person who suppose to support through all the times I experienced self doubt, leave me, her, us
It couldn't, be my mother
She was perfect in his eyes
True beauty and golden angel's heart
To him their was only one problem
Me, the cursed child of conflicting emotions
The failure
The horrific accident
I wonder if I was never born would they still be together or would he just dump her like trash probably not
They were in love
True love like type you see in fairytales
Love
I am a failure in that too
Each and every time I would fall in love
They would leave
Leave and never
Ever come back
That, feelings would stay and it would slowly drive my insane
Until of course another persons would fill the stinging gap in my heart
Just so the same person can rip out me heart and leave the stinging gap to filled again
I am so stupid, I ain't I
You think after all the times this happened I would learn my lesson
But just as my father said I wasn't a good listener
When I was little my father told me never trust any one else with my feelings
But me being stupid me don't listen
I never (almost never) listened
Even when my friends told me they had to go home when I was a kid
To now when someone leaves the group
But I can't really blame them
They have own hopes, goals, and dreams of happiness
Happiness
It's such an ironic word to my now
Because I wear a mask of happiness
That I will never (probably) take off (but eventually it will slip of even just for a smallest moment or amount of time and relieve my true feelings )
That something my friend told me
And maybe through some type of miracle I listened
He said "If your sad hid it with your smile, because your smile is as bright as day
At that time I don't know who much those 16 words would mean to me
At the time I was filled with hopes and dreams of a better and more exciting tomorrow
But now I am filled with a lament of sorrow and locked up emotions
For Dreams that I could never accomplish
For goals best made unset
Maybe that's why my name fits so well Ash
Ash – a remnant of fire that once burn brightly
Ash- the leftover of something that once was
Ash- the child of a burning fire and clear water
Ash- the son of nameless father and a signal mother
Ash- me, the failure
Author's Note: Read and review