AU—Hetalia Road Trip
Author's Note: This whole idea stemmed from me finding a picture on the popular app iFunny with a car with a sticker that reads "WARNING: We can't see shit because of this awesome sticker." I marked it off as Prussia's car and reposted it which someone added too (ShinyEeveeee) with the comment "Head canon where the Bad Touch Trio try's backing out of a mall with it and ends up hitting everyone but Spain is looking out saying, "Keep going. You're good. You're good. Don't worry, we'll buff out those scratches later, keep going,"-WHICH! Inspired me to think up a Bad Touch Trio Road-trip of pure AWESOMENESS! It's based like the movie Smokey and the Bandit with the cops chasing them across the country with some added mischief and lack of alcohol trade.
Story Note: This will contain pairings, some obvious, others not as. There will be romance, there will be a serial killer, there will be kidnapping, there will be hit and runs, there will be cop chases, there will be FBI, there will be detectives, there will be violence, there will be heroism and best of all—there will be THE BAD TOUCH TRIO. Gilbert and Ludwig are not brothers in this story, and that's the only major change character wise.
Disclaimer: Hetalia is not mine, I own a laptop, a remarkable personality, offers from many colleges and a squeaky clean record.
AND WE OPEN OUR STORY, ON THE KING OF THE WORLD-
Gilbert groaned as he tore open the letter. Deft fingers ripped the envelope in half, his red eyes scanning the paragraphs with distaste. It was from his boss and he already knew what it was going to say, "Gilbert Beilschmidt on grounds of tardiness, irresponsibility and bla, bla, bla, you are being fired." Ugh, he hated that job anyway everyone there was unawesome. Huffing, he threw the letter aside.
The young man rolled over on his couch in his small apartment and sighed. Back in high school, the good ole days when he, Francis and Antonio could go on their own little adventures. O' all the mischief they would cause, the girls they would woo, the guys that would fall at their feet, Gilbert envied his past self that carelessly let it slip away. These days Franny was weaving in and out of the line that was the law—his little thievery habits were well known—and Antonio was working non-stop at that stupid little cafe his dad had left him. What had happened to their awesome trio; what happened to the adventures, the chaos, and the destruction?
His mind raced, remember the adrenaline rushes he used to have. The feeling that life was something more than the dull feeling of this work and mundane stamp-collecting brought. This summer, Gilbert thought with a grin, he would pull the trio back together for a road trip. Hell yeah, that sounds great. They could throw together same cash and talk and joke like old times. Maybe they couldn't do all the crazy things they did when they were younger, but they could do a lot more destruction and sleaziness than they used. Franny would be up for it, he was sure that the Frenchie was in town and probably looking for a break. Antonio could use one too; he's had his head buried in work for ages.
Sliding his phone out of his pocket, Gilbert called Francis first. Better to have his support to peer-pressure Antonio in going with them, because that numbnuts sometimes thought works was more than important than fun.
"Yo, Francis," Gilbert said when the ringing stopped.
"Mm, hello Gil," Francis murmured. "Why do I feel like you're dragging me into something?"
"Because I am. Two words, road trip; all summer, bars, casinos, hotels and chicks," Gilbert offered.
"And you want Antonio and me to accompany you on this hare-brained trip?" He questioned, and Gilbert could see him; Francis was tucking a strand of blond hair behind his ear and scanning his schedule and wallet, already arranging a formula for his spending. Francis was going to say yes.
"Ja," Gilbert said cockily, propping his feet on his coffee table.
"Of course, I'll be by your house..."
"Tomorrow, we'll leave in two days," by the lack of complaining, Gilbert assumed this meant Franny didn't mind the late-notice early-leave.
"Will do, au revoir," Francis hummed.
"See ya," Gilbert hung up and dialed Antonio.
"Hola, Antonio Carriedo here," Toni said from the other end.
"Gil here," said man mocked, "How are you doing?"
"Ah! Bueno, muy bueno; life's been great," Antonio chirped and Gilbert could faintly hear him setting a coffee cup down; Antonio was at his café." Mi amigo, how are you, is your job going well?"
"Uh..." Gilbert glanced at the letter, "Oh, yeah, it's going great."
"Good," Mein Gott, Gilbert was just glad he was more oblivious than Francis was. "What's the occasion?"
How to phrase it, to get his workaholic friend to come with him… His mind fiddled with the idea of begging him with an agreement to go to that stupid farm-festival he enjoyed, but Gilbert still had regrets from the lack-luster beer they served.
"Uh, a road trip, you, me, and Franny."
A soft sigh, Antonio's hand had drifted from his cleaning to hold the phone with both hands, "Gilbert, you know I can't-"
"Just put a 'We're Closed' sign in the window," Gilbert pleaded, and did his best to use puppy eyes on the invisible Antonio in front of him.
"Gilbert," Antonio growled lightly.
"Antonio," he teased.
"No," Antonio said, "I'm sorry, Gilbert. Now's not a good time for me."
Gilbert lowered the phone and muffled it with one hand while he groaned. Antonio was better off security and money wise than both he and Francis were, yet he could never take a break. He kept the phone down for a moment and tapped his fingers on his leg, the dark jeans capturing his attention as he thought. Raising the phone to his ear, Gilbert prepared to pull every nerve he could.
"You have savings and I know you're doing fine paying off your college fines. You can spare going on a trip with us, after all, your parent's farm pays for most of your life," Gilbert argued, letting his tone drift off.
"No," Antonio repeated, he sounded distracted. Damnit, don't zone out on him, Gilbert thought.
"Hm... Do you have a boyfriend?" Gilbert asked.
"...Why do you ask?" Antonio queried, suspicion leaking into his voice. His attention was regained, but his tone had almost an edge to it. Gilbert couldn't tell if it was anxiety or irritation.
"Ya know," Gilbert hung upside down on his couch, "We could run into a cute guy why we're on this trip and you could finally score some," he said nonchalantly.
"I... How long are you talking? I don't want to be away from my cafe that long," Antonio caved, his voice a mixture of anxiety and anticipation.
"Um...a few weeks," Gilbert guessed, "maybe sooner."
"Si, I can do that," Antonio said, marking something off on a piece of paper on his end, the loud scratch of the pen filling the space in between words.
"Franny gets here tomorrow, we leave in two days," Gilbert mentioned and he heard the pen fall.
"Ay! Mi amigo, that's not very long!" Antonio said, staring at the phone in outrage.
"Suck it," Gilbert said and ended the call. He had accomplished his goal; the Bad Touch Trio was going to reunite for the most kick-ass road trip ever. The Bad Touch Trio, as they had been kindly nick-named, never had a bad adventure, they were guaranteed awesomeness.
