My precious Castiel,
How I miss the feeling of your arms around me. The way you press your hand softly and deftly to the mark you left on my shoulder. My only wish is to lie in bed beside you, feeling your breath on the nape of my neck, knowing that I'm safe from all the monsters and terrible things in the world. I want you back. I want you sitting on the edge of the bed with your arms propping you up, your trench coat slipping off of your broad shoulders. I want to look into your light blue eyes and strip my clothes off in front of you, whispering I love you over and over, and hearing you say it back. Hearing you say it to me. Me of all people. Of all the people in the world, you chose me. You're my angel, my love, my life. You're my shelter from storm and the man that I can always count on when I need to let my mask slip off. You're all I have. I don't even have Sam anymore. I love you Castiel...I love you, I love you, I love you... That's all I can even think anymore. When I see you, when I hear your voice, when a character on TV has a name that sounds like yours, I love you. When we fight, I love you. When we make love, I of course love you. When we're miles apart and unable to even speak...I love you. Things have been bad lately, with the Darkness, and Lucifer, and the apocalypse, AGAIN. But as always, I love you. I only wish to run my fingers through your dark hair and press my lips to yours once again. To taste the sweet nectar that comes off of your tongue when we kiss. Everything about you is so intoxicatingly addictive. The sound of your voice is like sweet, sweet music, and your angelic eyes gazing into mine is enough to make me melt into the floor. I know this is somewhat repetitive, but I don't care. Frankly these are the biggest words I know and they feel so much like understatements. I just need to hold you right now. And I need you to hold me. Your sweet embrace was once all that got me out of bed in the morning. Having to live without it is absolute torture. Please, come back to me. Give me the jealousy, and arguments, and detriment when you say you want to leave, but don't abandon me the way everyone else has. The way my father, my brother, and everyone I've trusted has just left...if you joined them... What I'm trying to say is, I love you. A lot. And I just need you here tonight. Chuck might be dead, and I need my angel back. Please, wherever you are, hear my prayers. Be with me tonight, and take away all my pain the way you do every single time you say you love me. Save me from myself. Save me from my life. Just please save me. I'm breaking down, and I need you. I've never begged for anything or anyone in my life, but tonight it's you. I love you Castiel.
Yours, until the end of time...
D.W.
