Later, you'll know it wasn't the rain, but that it was you crying. You will learn later that Josh saw you, and he noticed it… but he didn't commented on it… and that made him an even better friend.

And you stood there, by the grave…shaking and tired and drawn… cursing luck and faith… and telephones and people…cursing religion and god…

and you stayed behind cause you needed the time…

You stayed behind because you couldn't handle the wake…

You stayed behind cause you're not sure you got it in you to move anymore.

You stayed behind mostly cause you knew you are weak, and you would break the minute you set foot in that house and you can't do that to them... cause life was fragile enough as for you to remember them it was so much frailer.

You clench your fists and your teeth and close your eyes. You feel the tension and the rage. You feel it all at once...and the cold, as it tries to make it's way through you and kill the hot blazing rage... but it isn't working... and you stomp your feet hard on the ground, enough for it to rattle your head, but it doesn't make it better... you clench your fists tigher and you clench your eyes even more... and you try to go to some happy place but it doesn't work. You want to cry and you want to break... you want to scream out and wail... but you can't...

You stomp your foot twice and then force your eyes open, and force a deep breath in... which chokes you up, as it meets the large lump in your throat. You cough and your eyes water, from the coughing that is... then, all of the sudden, there is no more rain. But you can see it's still falling. So you look beside you and you see Josh, standing solemnly by you, holding an umbrella over you both. His other hand is deep in his pocket, and he's looking ahead. You swallow again. Shaking a bit harder now... and trying to scrub away the droplets that insist on rolling down your cheecks

"Sometimes you need someone by just to keep an eye on you..." He said and then turned to you. "Just to make sure you sink to a point you can be pulled back up..."You nod numbly.

"Thank you." You choke out, and then you realize, it wasn't rain rolling down your cheecks. You realize that you're crying... you weren't supposed to... but Josh didn't mind. Because in that instant he moved closer to you, and pulled you closer to him, and held you, as you fell apart.