He's ok. He's ok. He's ok. I tell myself over and over again, it's more of an internal chant in my head now. I know he's ok, he can take care of himself, he has his weapons and he's not alone. But then the anxiety hits and I ask myself, for the millionth time, can we actually trust these people?
It's been 4 days since we arrived in Alexandria, the first night wasn't so bad, we all slept together in the same house, the same room, and he was close, I could hear his breathing and if I wanted to (or had the guts too) I could have reached out and touched him.
The next 3 nights we slept in separate houses, in real beds with pillows and blankets and warmth yet it was the coldest, hardest night's sleep I've had in forever.
I woke this morning and walked down the stairs to eat breakfast with everyone as we had done the past 3 mornings, all eating together. We hadn't discussed it but everyone gravitated to the Grimes House, as I'm now calling it, to eat together.
His absence was the first thing I noticed. He never sat at the table, opting to stand against a counter top or lean against the door, as if he needed an exit strategy, but every morning he was the first person I looked at and he watched me enter the room, but today he was gone.
I swallowed the panic and accepted the mug of coffee Carol passed me with a sympathetic smile. My mind immediately went to a bad place. He wasn't comfortable in Alexandria, he was like a caged animal.
What if he decided to leave?
What if he saw we were all ok here? We could make a life, and he decided to leave?
What if it was all too much and he decided to leave?
What if, what if, what if, what if?
The group laughs and I totally missed the joke but fake a smile anyway.
Carol puts a reassuring hand on my arm "Are you ok?" she must know what I'm thinking, as my eyes scan the room to make sure he isn't around a corner or I just wasn't paying attention.
I smile, but it doesn't reach my eyes "Yeah, I'm fine, just didn't sleep well". No one seems panicked so I assume he's around somewhere, I'm being irrational, if he had left without telling anyone we'd all be on the road looking for him. Carol lives with him she would know, wouldn't she?
It took an hour for everyone to clear out, leaving myself and Carol to clean up after breakfast, it's so strange washing dishes in a sink. As soon as I heard Rick close the front door I asked the burning question, almost spitting it at her "Where's Daryl?"
Carol smirks, that glint of knowing in her eye. Carol is probably the only person who figured out how I feel about him, long before I did. "He and Aaron went on a test run together, to see if they can work together".
I released a breath I didn't realise I was holding and Carol laughed at me. Daryl had told us the day before Aaron had recruited him to be his partner in finding other people, it was the perfect job for him, almost too perfect, motorbikes, house, jobs for everyone, school for Carl, its all too good to be true. The trust issue pops in to my mind again.
"I thought…"
"I know what you thought" she interrupted "he said they'll be back for dinner"
