Chapter One: Leaving Everything Behind
She looked nervous. She held her umbrella tight in her hands, squeezed it with her long fingers and her eyes scanned every empty corner of the street. Where is she? She is away late!She thought to herself, her eyes filled with tears. Why everything seemed to be happening to her lately? She was a fine doctor, a really good one, and this stupid Dr. Webber threw it all to the trash. Can't he see her hands were full of talent, and her professional thinking was not ordinary? She was better than any other doctor that survived the dismissal waves in that freaking merger. How could the Chief fire her only because of the mistake she made with that kidney-patient? He let her stay after the-Denny-accident. And of course there was also the freaking cancer. But she stood totally OK with the damn tumor in Shepherd's OR, she even did a surgery standing five hours on her feet, so that's couldn't be the reason. Maybe he was just so stupid that he couldn't see her completely in the right light. She was to everyone in the hospital the sick doctor that played the patient. Pathetic, unwanted, and now-unemployed.
It wasn't just the fact that she didn't have a job anymore; she also left her husband behind. The dearest person she loved the most. She left him in Seattle with a sticker in his locker, saying how sorry she is, telling him about the Chief's decision, and that she went away. There was a reason for it. Dr. Webber told her while he fired her that Alex had doubts about her abilities as a doctor. He made the Chief fire her. It was his fault. How can she forgive him after that? He took away the only thing she had left with; her job. Yet she never thought their relationship will end in a note, and now she felt so weak, like a coward. And she was not a coward. She wondered if he saw it already. Or is it still untouched and unread?
The rain was making annoying noises on the plastic umbrella, and it made her uncomfortable. Her tears ran on her cheeks but she didn't hurry to clean them. It was so natural to cry now. So natural.
A fast black shiny car made a sudden stop by her side. She looked at the dark window for a moment, not sure it was who she was looking for.
"Get in asshole," she heard the familiar voice, and a bit encouraged she went to the door, escaping the rain. She closed her umbrella, while entering the car and sighed when she started feeling the hot air from the air conditioner.
"Isobel Stevens. You look exactly the same, though OMG, WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR HAIR?" The red headed girl that sat in the driver seat asked her with amazement.
"There are some bad things about having a tumor in your body," Izzie smiled a crook smile and took off her coat. It was too warm inside.
She narrowed her eyes, "A WHAT?" Then she remembered. "Oh right. The cancer. I'm sorry, I forgot. The hair is totally cute," she tried to sound persuasive when she lied, but Izzie knew her too well.
"I know it's horrible, but shut up. Wig was even worst. Believe me, I tried."
The girl smiled. "Nice to have you here again at last."
"Vanessa, just shut up and start driving."
Vanessa giggled. "Fine," she pressed the pedal, and they flew forward. Quickly the empty street disappeared from view.
"Did you miss me?" Vanessa spun the wheel around, and let it go back to its place touching it gently, when there was a sharp round.
Izzie swallowed. "Not at all," she said too seriously, though she tried to use her sense of humor.
Thankfully Vanessa understood that was a joke. "Tell me all about that hospital and your new friends. I wanna hear all about them. Especially your boyfriends," she winked.
Izzie laughed tiredly, "There is nothing to tell."
"Can't be true."
Vanessa was right of course, but Izzie didn't want to tell her about Alex, and George and Denny. This was too sad to think about. Well after all she damped Alex, her husband, with a sticker, and the other two are … Well, dead. "It is true," she said faintly, feeling the burning inside. She knew George was gone, but it still was new to her. She already got used to the fact that she lost Denny, but George … It was never expected. And he was even on his way to kiss his mum goodbye before joining the stupid army and she lie on the hospital wheeled bed, completely confused by her disease. And that girl he saved, that cried in the funeral more than his mum and his friends, though she never knew him. It was all so painful.
"No boyfriends?"
"None."
"With all of your beauty?"
"With all of it."
"And what about your pretty clothes?"
"People really enjoyed watching my blue uniforms. Brilliant."
"I forget you were a doctor."
"Good one."
Izzie started hating the fact that Vanessa never seemed to like a quiet moment; she always felt the need to fill the silence with conversations, even if the subject was idiotic. Until they got to the hotel, Izzie had to tell her about the two years she spent in Seattle, and why she left the boyfriend she came with to the city. This one Vanessa actually knew. She had to describe the surgeries she played part in, and the best accidents. She provided sarcastic comments about her bosses and told every single detail about the hospital's décor. Then they got to the part when Vanessa made her tell a bit about the people she hangout with.
"There were Meredith Grey, Cristina Yang, George O'Malley and Alex Karev," Izzie mentioned shortly.
"OK, what about them?" Vanessa was looking at the road.
"I can't," Izzie whispered. "It's hurting me too much. Too soon," and the tears came out from nowhere.
Vanessa put her hand on Izzie's back, while kept driving with the other one. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I should have thought about what I'm saying."
"It's OK," Izzie kept sobbing, "I'll get use to it in the end. You know, being far from the people you shared your life with is tough. I did the right thing though."
"Are you sure this is the right thing?" Vanessa asked glancing at Izzie and the road together. "Not that I'm not happy to have you back."
"It's not like I had something to stay for," I've got nothing left, she completed the sentence in her head. "I lost my job, and a very good friend George …" Izzie was stuck again by the lump in the throat and she lowered her gaze. "Sorry."
"I forbid you to be sorry. You can tell me about your bosses again. I don't mind."
Izzie looked up, relived.
"Here we are. 'Hamilton Hotel.' Cheer up a bit. We're going to have so much fun," Vanessa stopped the car took her pink tiny purse and open the door. Izzie stayed inside for a minute, taking a deep breath. "Are you coming or what?" then she hurried to join Vanessa.
The hotel didn't look as fancy from the outside as it looked from the inside. Every inch of the lobby looked like it cost a hundred million dollars, and the modern lamps looked even more expansive. The walls were red and had velvet touch and the ceiling was made from shiny marble. The waiting room was filled with puffy armchairs, and the cleanest tables Izzie had ever seen. There was a huge TV in front of the chairs, which showed a boring Tennis game and a couple of people that sat on the chairs snapped dirty comets every now and then, while eating nuts.
It was weird that the unemployed girl entered this expensive hotel. Then Izzie remembered that Vanessa's parents were extremely rich.
"Room number 445," Vanessa said to the girl who was standing across the big gigantic oak counter, "Izzie Stevens."
"Yeah, I got it," the girl appeared to have an English accent. "Here's your key," she gave them a thin card. "It's for the electricity as well. You would understand where to put it. There is only breakfast, and it's served from seven 'till ten. Right in the dining room there," she pointed to the left, "Enjoy," she gave a friendly, smile, exposing her brilliant white, straight teeth.
"Thanks a lot," Izzie said and they turned to the elevators.
Vanessa looked at Izzie anxiously. "You know what? I just found out what we're gonna do tonight."
"What's that?"
"A night club."
Izzie sighed. "Vanessa …"
"No, we need you to be distracted," she said and the grey door opened slowly. "That will be good for you, believe me. I've been there. Night club with all the hot guys, the dancing and the drinking –"
"– I'm a cancer patient. I can't drink."
"Oh come on! You got to be kidding me."
"Totally serious," when the elevator's door opened again on the third floor. A nice looking guy came in and stood next to Izzie. Vanessa raised her eyebrows. Izzie shook her head quickly.
Maybe he was hot and pretty, but Izzie didn't notice him. Her heart still belonged to Alex, although they broke up, or going to in the minute he'll see the note she didn't find any interests in meeting a new guy. The memory of him saying her name made her shiver. She wasn't ready yet.
On the fourth floor the girls left the elevator. Vanessa looked at Izzie with a glance full of disappointment. Izzie ignored it.
"OK, no drinking, but meeting a nice guy is in the plan."
They stopped in front of a door with the number 445 on it, and Vanessa stuck the card where the keyhole was. The tiny red light above turned into green and with a BIP sound the door opened.
The room was fine. There was a big bed, and across from that, a huge TV on the wall. Under the TV there were drawers, and on them was a tray with a kettle, plastic cups and bags of sugar and salt like in a coffee house. A big window was on the wall where the bed was, and light-purple curtains covered a bit of it. The walls were painted light-pink, and Izzie felt it was too sweet. The shower and the toilet, was in the other room, with sparkling marble and sparkling-white walls. It was a bit too much for Izzie but Vanessa loved it all. The shower was really awesome, it was big and comfortable, and the shampoo and the soap were on the marble next to white, clean towels.
"What do you think?" Vanessa asked Izzie.
Izzie took a deep breath. "That you ordered us the fanciest suite. Am I close?"
"I L-O-V-E it!" Vanessa jumped on the puffy bed. "Sooo nice …"
"I'm going to sleep," Izzie announced and lie down on the bed.
"Nope. We are going to that club tonight, "Vanessa asserted. "You need it. Tomorrow we're going to the hospital to see if you'll get a job, and what's happening with your cancer and all. Then you will move to your mother house like we planned. "
"Thanks," Izzie stood on her feet slowly. "You are too good to me. It was my fault we lost touch when I moved to Seattle. I was so horrible, disappeared in a PUFF … I'm so sorry."
"Don't be. The significant thing is that you're here with me. Now, your dress …" She opened Izzie's suitcase, and started throwing things on the floor. "No that, not that, not that, let's see … Yes! This one."
Sadly she was holding the pink, big prom dress Izzie kept from the night Denny died. She stared at the dress covering her mouth with her hand while her friend hurried to hug her. How can she explain to her? She wasn't there. She won't understand anyway.
"I can't wear this one. Pick another one. Please," she said between her trembling fingers.
"What about this one?" Vanessa pointed at short blue dress. Izzie nodded quietly.
"I'll go and change," she said and took the dress from Vanessa's hand.
After a couple of minutes Izzie stepped out of the bathroom with the dress and blue high heels shoes Vanessa told her to wear.
"You look fantastic. Not in my level of course," she giggled from her own joke, while she sat on the bed with her pink dress and her purple shoes. "I look so good."
Izzie grinned. "I forgot to ask; where are we going?"
"I know this place. There's a club right across. Don't worry. Let's go and have fun!" She winked and opened the room's door.
Izzie followed her. Not exactly in the mood for the too-loud music and the make-you-vomit-in-the-end amount of drinks. I own this to myself, she convinced herself.
Nobody is looking at your hair, silly, you look totally fine. Izzie had to keep on saying that while all the people in the club watched her strangely. They are looking at you because you look so beautiful, of course. Just relax and smile. She couldn't smile, though. Her mind was stuck on the sad things, she didn't let herself enjoy the clubby feeling. She started to feel pathetic.
"Wanna dance?" Vanessa screamed beyond the noises. She sounded eager. "Lose yourself!" She took Izzie by her hand to the dance floor. "Yeah!" then she started dancing like crazy. "Come on Izz!"
"Sorry to spoil everything, but I can't," Izzie felt a bit dizzy and turned around heading to the chair near the bar in the other side of the club. She needed to drink something, her mouth was too dry, and though she knew she can't she wasn't planning to drink water. "Give me something," she told the barmen desperately. "Anything, just choose."
"Having a bad day, ha?" He grinned while taking one bottle off from the shelf and throwing it to the air, catching it after it made a complete circle, then pouring the liquid into the glass he held in his hand, sliding it towards Izzie.
"You have no idea," she hurried to take a long swing. "It's the worst day ever."
He smiled. "Everybody have those."
"Can I sit here?" A fine-looking boy asked Izzie with a smile.
She put the glass on the bar, knowing he was trying to heat on her, she said apathetically, "not really, sorry."
He giggled embarrassed. "I guess I'll sit here anyway," and he sat down. "Can I have a drink?" He asked the nice barman. "I'll go with Tequila."
The nice barman gave him what he wanted saying: "Here you go, man. She seems pretty tough," he whispered to him and grinned, jerking his head towards Izzie.
The guy winked at the barman. "Hello," he turned to Izzie.
She didn't answer.
"Jesse," he said and reached his hand.
She didn't shake it.
"Ouch. Are you always that hard?"
"Really?" She looked at Jesse in disbelieve. "Are you that stupid? Can't you see I'm not interested? What didn't you understand? The refusal to let you sit next to me, or the avoiding part?"
"Mmm, playing hard to get," he sounded totally enthusiastic.
"Stop it!"
"Stop what?" He was surprised.
"Stop, just stop. I have a boyfriend," she lied smoothly.
He raised one eyebrow. "Is he here?"
"I think it's none of your business," she took a big sip from her glass. She felt a bit dizzy by now. She didn't drink for almost six month, and it wasn't good for the drugs she took against the cancer. But she kept on drinking, feeling free at last after a long time.
"Oh Isobel! Here you are," Izzie recognized Vanessa's voice, and turned around not knowing if she should feel relived or inconvenient. She could end the conversation with Jesse, but probably Vanessa would stop her from drinking. She ended the glass with one last swallow.
"Isobel," Jesse smiled. "It was nice to meet you."
"We never met," Izzie snapped, grabbed Vanessa's hand and pulled her to the dancing floor. Jesse seemed totally confused by the beautiful short-haired woman he just met and joined them on the dancing floor.
"Wait," Izzie looked behind. "Dance close to me and act like you enjoy it."
"Why?" Vanessa backed away.
"Just do it," Izzie sounded nervous, and she took a step closer to Vanessa, a bit too close.
Vanessa backed again, "what the –?"
"There's a man that following me. Act like a lesbian. Now!" she watched Jesse that moved toward them. She held Vanessa in the shoulders and pushed her nearer, but it was too late.
"Having fun ladies?"
Izzie sighed, "we had fun. A minute ago."
"Ha, don't mind her," Vanessa faked a laugh. "Hey, I'm Vanessa."
He smiled and put his hands up in the air. He looked at Izzie, who immediately felt Vanessa's disappointment. "Isobel, ha?"
"Didn't you hear? Her name is Vanessa," Izzie tried to help, not feeling even a bit flattered from Jesse's choice. She started dancing her way out. Now she felt so dizzy she couldn't walk straight. She almost fell when a guy caught her on the last minute.
"Are you OK?" he asked her worryingly.
From that point her mind went blank.
"What did I freaking do?" Izzie asked Vanessa in the morning, not remembering a thing from the club experience. She remembered they went to the club, but all the rest was gone. "What did I do?" she started panicking. "What did I say? What happened there?" she began walking from one side of the room to another, while biting her lip nervously. "Please, Vanessa," she said, "please tell me, did I do something bad?"
Vanessa sat on the bed, still wearing her dress from the day before. "Nothing happened, you were fine. Erase yesterday, today is a new start, and anyway," she looked at the watch on the wall, "we're gonna be late to your meeting if we won't hurry up. Just breathe for a second," she ordered, "everything is under control."
Izzie stopped moving, but still looked concern.
"Do you want to be late?" Vanessa asked sharply. "I totally understand if you want some time to relax, but it will affect your jobs' options and …"
"I want to go now," Izzie muttered. "Go change," she barked at Vanessa while glancing at her sweaty dress. Then she sat on the bed and glared at the ceiling. Did I really drink? She asked herself, did I really do something so stupid?
"Izzie it really was fine," Vanessa closed the bathroom door after her.
Vanessa came out from the bathroom with her black shirt, and short jeans. "Come on we have a job to catch," she winked at Izzie who still sat depressed on the bed. "Take your staff and let's leave this fine hotel." She grabbed Izzie's hand and pulled her and her luggage out of room number 445.
They got out from the elevator, and went to the counter to give the key-card back. "Thank you, we really enjoyed staying here," Izzie said politely to the boy that stood there. "Here's the key, goodbye," and they stepped to the Vanessa's black car.
They put the suitcases slowly in the back of the car. Inside the car Vanessa turned on the radio on full volume, and they started dancing with their heads. They sang with the singer and they moved their hands to all directions, sometimes whistling happily and now and then shouting "yeah!" On their way they passed quiet towns. Everybody looked at them, shocked.
"Look at their faces," Vanessa laughed. "They are so distorted!"
"I know!" Izzie laughed too. "They are looking so weird!"
When they got to Chehalis it was already noon. The sun was right above them, and its rays warmed up their skin. The faint-white clouds moved along with the weak wind, and sometime showed pieces of beautiful blue sky. The caravans were standing in the same places Izzie remembered them. The one on the left was Charlie's and the one next to that was Amy's, the one on the right was Danna's and the list goes on and on. All the small amount of old friends she left here. That's why living in Derek's caravan was not such a big deal for her.
She stood in front her mom's caravan. It wasn't white anymore; she painted it like a rainbow, with red, orange, yellow, green, light-blue, blue and purple. Izzie smiled when she saw it. This was so her mother. Her bimbo, childish, annoying mom.
"Cricket!" her mother got out from the trailer with a towel on her shoulder, clearly in the midst of cooking. "I'm so happy to see you again! How are you feeling? You know what I mean ... Oh god, I'm so happy," then she gave Izzie a big smashing hug. "Are you really gonna live with me?" she whispered to Izzie's ear with exciting voice.
"Until I find money to buy my own place, yes," Izzie whispered back squeezing her mom a little more. Though she didn't feel any urge to call her while being in Seattle and felt embarrassed by her presence when she visited her in the hospital, Izzie still missed her mom. "OK," her mom let go, and Izzie noticed her tears, "there's grilled chicken, so I gotta go inside, come in OK? Oh hey Vanessa," she hurried to give her a hug too. "I didn't see you".
"Hello, Robbie," Vanessa said.
And then Robbie disappeared in the trailer.
Izzie took a deep breath.
"Go on," Vanessa smiled at her. "Welcome home Izz."
Izzie went inside.
Like always it was small, and homey. The big bed-for-two was on the left, and the other bed just above it. The kitchen place was tiny but her mom always cooked delicious things so it didn't matter. Oh and that smell …
"Yam," Izzie said in the moment she climbed the steps. "Smells awesome."
"Really? That's good," Robbie turned over one chicken and looked so professional. "After lunch we're going to the hospital, right?"
"Exactly," Vanessa sat on the big bed. "I didn't visit here a long time," she said suddenly. "I like it here, you know. My parents' home is too big for my taste. Mom's office was on one side of the house, and every time dad called her to come to the kitchen that was on the other side, he needed to come to the room itself so she could hear him. I ran away from there as quickly as I could."
"Where are you living now?" Izzie understood suddenly she didn't know that part about Vanessa. She felt a bit embarrassed.
Vanessa giggled. "In this town for now. But I think I might move to New York. I got a plan, and if it'll work Amanda and Josh will come with me. You know, to THE city."
"I wish to live in New York," Izzie said. "I like it so much. The high towers, the noisy streets, the theater, the plays, the park, the shops, everything."
There was an uncomfortable silence for a minute.
"Sit down, lunch is ready," Robbie announced.
Izzie sat on the stool near the plastic table. "Great," she said.
Robbie put the chickens in the middle of the table, and sat opposite to Vanessa. "So Cricket, I wanna hear more about Alex," Izzie signed. "He looked pretty cute, and hot."
Vanessa glanced at Izzie sharply. "I'm sorry, but who's Alex?"
"Didn't you hear?" Robbie sounded surprised, and bit the chicken. "My little Cricket got married not long ago. Alex Karev. He is so decent, I'm happy for you dear. Where is he? Did you bring him with you?"
Izzie was ready for every subject but this. What is she going to say? She ate a bit from the chicken in her plate to think for a moment.
"Happy you," Vanessa muttered to herself offended. "You said no boyfriends."
"No mom, he's in Seattle," Izzie admitted slowly. "We broke up."
"Oh," Robbie stopped eating and sent a hand to Izzie's arm. "I sorry Cricket."
"It's alright," she said coldly and looked at Vanessa that looked surprised. "It already happened. Let's eat."
After an hour or so, they once again were inside Vanessa's car, this time with Robbie. She and Vanessa sat at the front, and Izzie was stuck behind. They drove to the nearest hospital, Providence Centralia Hospital, or PCH in short. Izzie tried to think of good things to say in the job interview when they were quiet, but Robbie didn't stop asking her questions about Seattle until they touched the entrance floor.
"Here we are," Vanessa looked at the PCH sign. "Are you ready Izz?"
Izzie nodded nervously and went inside.
