Irritation, break it down: part depression, part anger, part exhaustion, part hatred.
"I'll give you a 'B-', because you've improved so much." Stupid art teacher, I've painted my whole life. You've looked at it once, when I've spent hours.
You see no value in the subjects of my art, but fuck you.
I really should be happy with the grade I have, but I'm not. Fuck you.
I keep thinking about it all day and the people in my group don't notice. They care about my problems only rarely and usually only when it involves them. That fucking pisses me off, too. But, in their defense, I rarely give a shit about their individual problems, so petty.
Petty like that fucking teacher. That's not even constructive criticism, it's destructive cynicism. I feel like going home and burning all my fucking paintings.
The teacher also paints. Apparently renowned. I refuse to look at that shit. I don't care.
(But I do) It really fucking bothers me. Maybe I'm over-sensitive. I know I am. I always have been. It's easy to piss me off, irritate me. I hate people as a whole. I hate individuals, too. Not as much, but usually a lot.
I'm so fucking pissed.
Now I'm painting a dying pigeon, starved by the stupid large city she lives in, while I drink maple-hazelnut coffee. I paint it how I know will irritate others. Its beak is slightly off, the horizon tilted enough to make my eyes sore, the feathers are off, but not artistically or realistically so.
When it dries, I put a semi-opaque layer of green over the whole fucking canvas.
It's horribly hideous, so I tear down all my other paintings that adorn my wall and hang it in the center.
It's a 'fuck you' that only I'll understand, but fuck it makes me feel hell of a lot better, I think.
I'm not sure yet, so I invited my group, and Raven, over to see it. And when they get here, I'll find out if my 'fuck the world' makes me feel better.
Poor Pigeon.
End
Yes, this is kinda about me and I just used Dylan to... Well, vent my frustrations. xD It's been a REALLY shitty week.
ALSO:
The ever wonder friend and my personal muse, VexVulpes and I created the fannons of Dylan being a painter as his only means for survival (I think this was only in our RPs though), loving pigeons and loving 'Maple-hazelnut coffee'. It makes me happy when I see people use any of them, especially the coffee one.
((If you don't get it, Dylan is my pigeon. xD Poor thing.))
