The Death Eater Blogs
By: QDT
Disclaimer: Do you know, I used to own Harry Potter, but then I woke up and realized I had slept through most of Chemistry.
DarkLord's Web Log
Mood: pissed off
Listening to:
Wormtail's screams
Reading: So You
Want to Be an Evil Dictator
Eating: jam-less
toast
Drinking: Elixir
of Life
Entry: Failed Raid
So last night we went on a perfectly normal, routine raid. You know, destroy a few houses, kill a couple of muggles, that sort of thing.
And then, of course, someone just had to screw it up.
It was not, for once, Wormtail, but rather Nott this time. He mixed up our directions, and so instead of murdering that accountant relative of the blood traitor Weasleys, we tortured our jam supplier into insanity.
I am having a very difficult time finding a suitable replacement to stock our cupboards here at Headquarters, and no one else has made any effort to help me. Under normal circumstances, I would order a few minions to bring me samples from every jam seller within a fifty mile radius, but that is not currently possible, due to the state of our finances.
Right now we are pressed for funds because of new banking policies regarding extortion, blackmail, and honest thievery.
You see, when our bank was first founded, it was commonplace to go about acquiring wealth in this manner, and so no restrictions were imposed. Eventually, people stopped doing this, and there were still no rules put in place because they had no problems with people abusing the system.
When the Death Eaters were just beginning, I read the bank's guidelines and policies in detail, and then took great pride in exploiting the loopholes. The administration has recently noticed our decidedly old-fashioned methods of fundraising, and now they have added more regulations to prevent it, and as such our funds are suffering.
And so we do not have enough money for me to write off the jam sales as a business expense and pay my Eaters for their efforts, though I am tempted to send Nott out anyway and make him fork out the cash as punishment for ruining our raid.
This is after all, all his fault.
7 comments
bellatricks: I think you should do it, milord. Make him suffer as we're suffering w/o jam.
sEnTiEnTtOnGuE: You
forget, my dear Dark Lord Voldie-shorts, that you were the one who
originally dictated the directions to Nott.
1 reply
DarkLord: Crouch,
I am your overlord. DO NOT address me as informally and
disrespectfully as that.
strawberryjamluver: Milord, I truly did not mean for us to arrive at the jam man's house. Please have mercy and don't Crucio me too harshly?
vainname: You know, milord, that last curse you used on our dear jam supplier was very inventive. Teach it to me?
PotionsMaster: I
really can't believe you forced all of us to get these
atrociousā¦blogs, milord. And as I have been telling you, the jam
made by our house elves is quite adequate.
1 reply
DarkLord: IT
IS NOT, SEVERUS!!!!1
Well, I hope you enjoyed it! Please note that all Death Eaters will eventually have their own blog entries.
Anyway, incentive for reviews: I've never had a contest before, but I think I want to try one, so everyone who can successfully identify ALL of the usernames of the Death Eaters mentioned in this chapter gets to suggest a blog idea for the Death Eater of their choice!
Even if you don't want to participate, please review! Feedback is love!
