Somehow, the winter's always perfect to Alex Vause. Even in here. Even right now, this season just fits. She likes that not as many new people come in, I hear her say this as she side-eyes me from the far end of the lunch bench. I roll my eyes. I get it, I'm new. Honestly, Alex Vause can suck a big one. I don't know if she's trying to be all territorial because we have the same name or just because she's a huge bitch, but either way; I couldn't care less. It doesn't bother me that they call me The New Alex. I don't care that they put the number 2 after my name on every single item of clothing, mail, or name tag I own. I know sooner or later I'll just be number two. I know it's because they think I'm analogous to shit. Hi-larious if y'ask me.
Again, I'm not phased. I've been here 12 hours and the only thing on my mind is that not a single group has claimed me. Not a single one.
I know. I'm confusing. My last name is Santos, but I've got this skin that confuses them. Dark skinned Hispanic. I belong nowhere. To nobody. These girls Taystee and Poussey look past me as soon as I answer to "what's your name", no use in saying the first one…it's forgotten once the last one leaves my lips. The one they call Daya and someone who looks like her sister, but they tell me is her mom look past my name tag and straight to my complexion. They know we come in this shade...but I know what they risk by letting me in…
I get it. I got it growing up. No one knew I was Latina because the only ones they'd seen on TV were J. Lo and Selma Hayek. Even my own people were surprised when they found out. They asked if I was mixed, I said no and they gasped. Fine.
I have no issue being out of place amongst my own people.
But it has never been a matter of life or death.
Belonging was never something I needed to survive. Here, if I don't, I'm literally dead. And I can't rely on my white friends here…not that I have any.
"The fuck is wrong with you?"
I look up to find a mess of blond hair looking down at me.
"Can I not sit here?" I say averting my eyes.
"I think you already know the answer to that…"
"Nicky…"says another blond one with doe eyes, coming up from behind.
"Chapman, she's gotta learn someday. Look at it this way, you're not the new girl anymore huh? It's your turn to shit on someone's chest…finally, right?"
Chapman shakes her head and takes the seat next to mine.
"Figuratively I mean," Nicky shrugs, still hesitant to take a seat. I sigh and and grab my tray. As I stand, Nicky sits.
I hear a soft 'wait' from Chapman as I walk away.
Follows and Reveiws greatly appreciated. I'll continue if I get feedback.
