Jaks-Girl- Awright you FFVII freaks, this is just a sampler chapter. I have about... three, almost four chapters queued up. I'm throwing this out there in the net-waves so if some people like it, I'll continue it without finishing it first.

Uh... I don't like flames, but I like reviews. This is rated what it is for language ((oh such LANGUAGE!)), and possible future content.

Summary: What does every FFVII lover dream of? Being sucked in of course! Well, I just so happen to be, and at the beginning of the story. And I have a bowler hat, so nya. XP

I tossed in and will toss in more a few of my own characters, and they will be noted by myself and pointed out for all those that cannot tell for themselves. Case in point, the orange-haired kidnapper? Keep an eye out. He's mine.

Let's get it on!

Final Fantasy VII:

Bar-Seeker

"Lead the way to the bar."

It wasn't the first time that my sister had quipped about my innate knack of finding every single damn bar in FF VII, even when I wasn't trying, or even in the process of playing the game. I kinda liked it though. I gave me a kind of rep, ya know?

But... she didn't know that this time, I was going to be able to.

I gave a humourless laugh as I walked in front of my sister on the dark street. We were looking for an ATM so we could get some cash to get our movie tix. It was a wonderful night, all dark and chilly, with clouds covering up the night sky. The only lights were from the street lamps, and the occasional car.

"I didn't know we were playing Final Fantasy." I smirked as I spoke.

Vicki laughed. "If only it were that easy in real life. Set you on the trail to find a bar..."

"... and find Cloud instead. If it were that easy, we would have been gone a long time ago, and trailing after his sweet ass on another planet."

"Oh yeah."

We walked a little further before a wind started to kick up. And, as it was a cold night, I was dressed warmly, a nice, toasty Milly duster and capelet, and a cute black bowler hat that I had recently bought. This may seem a little off story topic, but au contraire; as you know, wind is nice, and hats are nice, but they don't mix well. My hat went flying off my head and tumbled down the street. Squealing in gibberish, I looked back to Vicki, who gave me the go-ahead to start chasing it before it hit a puddle.

I sprinted after the hat, and before long, we (the hat and myself) were already half way down the block. It flipped, twisted, rolled on its brim, bounced off a rock, and sliced its way down an alley. Damn. I poured on the steam and made a sharp turn via a grapple to a lamp post. Running down the alley, I vaugely noticed that it was a movie alley, a.k.a. the alleys that are full of steam/fog so that you can't see what's waiting at the end. I kept my eyes focused on the rollicking bowler before me, but unfortunately, that was my problem. I was so focused on catching that stiff piece of felt that I didn't know that the steam became thicker.

I ran straight into the cloud, and lost sight of my hat. I cursed again, and now I just walked, clutching at a stitch in my side. I was never really a good long-distance runner. I kept going straight, hoping that it would thin out, which is what it did. Through it all, I was able to catch a glimpse of a lamp further down. Holding onto my hopes that my hat wasn't too ruined to clean, I broke through the thick part of the vision-killer to see a black smudge floating over the concrete. Taking in a deep breath, I sped up again, and caught it, only after it ran into the back of someone's legs.

I stood up, brushing it off and marvelling at how good it still looked, when the guy it ran into turned around. His flaming red hair and suit were definitely singular. Taking a second to examine the scowl, goggles, and metal stick, I realized that this was a guy cosplaying as Reno!

Damn, I thought, he's as anal about detail as I am! Shee-yeah! Go bud-day!

"Well... what have we here?"

I felt a perfect chill as something in his voice told me that he was NOT a cosplayer. His friend turned around, dressed as Rude, but I knew he wasn't playing either.

"M-my hat flew off my head... I-I'm sorry..." I was scared as hell, so I clutched the hat to my chest as though it might protect me.

Before Reno could reply, Rude nudged him and showed him a piece of paper. Shouldering the metal rod, he let a semi-thoughtful look slide over his face before it dissappeared completely.

"Let's take her. Tseng will be happy to know that we have her."

I backed up as they advanced towards me. Nervously scanning the territory, I saw that I was in the Train Graveyard Station in Sector 7. Looking up, I saw the "pizza" that Barret had such a problem with. Looking right, I saw the train engine, and looking left, a pile of debris. I knew exactly what was behind me: another pile of debris. I was trapped, defenseless, and screwed --not in the fun way.

I heard a car door roll open with a bang, which made me jump, but not take my eyes off the Turks that were slowly pursuing me. The train whistle blew twice, and the wheels let off a humungous cloud of steam. We were enveloped as the train started to chug off up the tracks towards the top plate. I felt a hand slip into mine, and an arm curl around my shoulder; I screamed bloody murder. The arm around my shoulder shifted to where a hand was over my mouth, and I was pulled close to the moving train, and down the platform steps. We broke out of the cloud and broke into a run as well.

As the mystery person and I quickly made our way out of the station and past the plate support, I looked over and saw bright orange hair. After focusing on something other than that wicked hair, I noticed it was a Him. The teen's neon green eyes were always focused on the next corner, next pile of crap-trash, and his mouth formed a hard line of concentration. I guess he had felt my face move under his hand, because he looked over at me and gave a distracted grin. I guess you could say he was kinda cute... In a kidnapper sort of way.

As we entered the housing area of Sector 7, we slowed, he removed his arm from my shoulder, and he led me into a small shack. Letting go of my hand, he turned, shut the door, and peeked out of the window. I have to admit, I was scared about some strange guy taking me into his house --i'm assuming it was his-- but after that short ordeal with the Turks, I think I could maybe land a good enough punch on this guy to excape if need be; I had so much adrenaline pumping through me.

I watched the guy rub his shoulder, and collapse into a seat. He arched his back, and I heard some cringeable popping noises as he sighed contentedly. "Sorry if I scared you back there."

"..." I just nodded and started scanning the room for something heavy, sharp, or preferreably, both. I came up with nothing.

"Those Turks are bad news. What were they after you for?" I half-heartedly shrugged, still not looking at him, or even in his general direction. I heard him huff in such a way that there was no possible way that eye-rolling could not have been with it. "Stop acting like I'm gonna rape you."

That made me stop looking around and stare directly at him. I mean, you can be scared shitless, and if someone makes a comment of the like, you're gonna stare at them. I then realized how I was acting. I was standing so stiff it looked like it hurt, my hands were clenched so tight that my knuckles were white, and so were my fingers, and my eyes were constantly moving around the room, looking for a way out. I'm pretty sure that he could clearly see more than the regular amount of whites around my eyes. I looked high-strung, and wired at the same time.

I drooped my shoulders and bowed my head, face hot enough to cook something. "Sorry..." I was a little ashamed, but that didn't mean I still wasn't scared.

"Psh." He waved it off. "Fear is a natural reaction to anything. I clearly understand. I mean," he leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees, "If some strange guy grabbed me, ran me off, and took me into some house, I'd be scared too." I knew he was trying lighten the mood, and so I laughed. It was a pretty good joke. "Hey, why are you laughing? I'm serious!" his face clearly said otherwise. I laughed again, and this time, he joined me. "Good. Got you sounding human again." He leaned back in his chair, relaxing. "What's your name, dove?"

I shrugged and leaned against the wall. I could have given him one of a number of aliases, but didn't feel the need to. "Jessie."

"Jessie, huh? I'm Sage. Soo..." he started again, "what were the Turks after you for?"

I slid into a wooden chair next to me, but still away from him. I wasn't that relaxed yet. "Tch. Y'got me. All I did was pick up my rouge hat, they turned, and jumped. Well, actually," I said, retracing the events, "I picked up my hat, they turned, Rude showed Reno a piece of paper, and THEN they jumped. Reno said something about Tseng being happy about having me, I dunno, I was a little too scared to remember."

Sage looked ponderous, and deep in thought. After a moment he stood up, a look that spoke of latent feline curiosity. "Would you mind if I took you to a place where we could possibly find Rude's piece of paper?"

"No, not really. I'll go just about anywhere to find out why they tried to jump me."

Sage nodded, and opened the door, standing back. I forced myself to first put on my hat, and then slowly walk out the door instead of rushing. Why in the hell, I don't know, but I did anyway. Sage closed the door behind him as he exited after me, and started up the street. I followed a step or two behind him, and noticed in a second that there was a large building that we were walking toward that has a large lit-up sign on it.

"Seventh Heaven." I breathed in amazement.

I began to get the feeling that I was really, REALLY in Midgar, instead of passed out in some alley with no hat, and my sister hovering over me, calling my name... Eh. Whatever. Sage looked over his shoulder at my comment, and rolled his eyes in an amused way, continuing on to the bar. The first one I ever found. Neyaaah! (Happy dance)

I half jumped, half stepped up the stairs leading onto the porch, eagerness bubbling up inside of me like... I was some sort of bubbling, happiness filled coffee maker. Where that comparison came from, I don't know, but it's pretty accurate. I walked through the door, hearing that signiture squik of the hinges, and gawped. I had never seen such an array of fantismal people gathered in one place, nor had I ever been in a bar, but hey! There's always a first time for everything!

Sage slid me into a table in the corner, and went up to interrupt the conversation between the ever-nervous red-headed Johnny and Tifa. After a few moments, Sage came back to me, and said low,

"Tifa's going to let us hang in the back until her friends return. That okay?"

"Yeah, sure." I slid out of my seat and followed him across the room, eyeing the pinball machine as I passed. Oh damn, to have a quarter and 'innocently' try to play a game! Aaah! I'm sorry! I apologize to the world! Aaah! (--0 Sorry, got a little carried away. Damn you Monica!)

We walked through the door into a kind of dimly lit living area. There were a couple of chairs, a couch, and Marlene coloring a picture on the floor. Hearing the door close, she jumped up, thinking us to be Tifa, or perhaps even Barret, but, being wrong, she squealed, and ran to hide behind the couch. Small children. Gah. Picking up her drawing with a sigh, I kneeled on the couch and leaned over it, dangling her picture in front of her.

"Hey sweetie," I called sweetly, "what's your name?" Recieving no answer, I continued to bother her. "C'mon... tell me your name... Please? Please? C'mon!" Damn, small children are resilliant!

I heard Sage let out a snort of laughter as the door banged open. This time, it WAS Tifa. "Let me guess," she said, observing the scene. "Marlene is hiding from you? I'm sorry, she's just extremely shy. Marlene! Come on out! They're not gonna hurt you."

I looked at Tifa over my shoulder, marvelling at how cool she really looked. "I tried to tell her that, but-- Uh?" My hand was empty. Looking down, I opened and closed my hand a few times before I realized that the girl had snatched the drawing away and ran to the cover of Tifa. "Ah... uh. That girl's going to be an excellent thief if she keeps up at it." I said, sliding down into the couch.

"I should hope not!" Tifa laughed, ushering Marlene into a seat. "Barret would throw a fit!"

"Damn straight." Sage agreed, nodding. "The whole of sector seven would be riddled with bullet holes, top to bottom."

Even I nodded, agreeing. I had played around on the game long enough to know that those were words of divine truth, or at least veeerry educated guesses. Having second thoughts, Tifa sent Marlene out to play around in the bar, and took her seat. "I sent everyone away for a couple of hours, so we could get a few explanations. Sooo... Sage tells me that you're looking for a paper that gave the Turks an excuse to jump you? Do you have any idea what you might have done to get you on a piece of paper that they're carrying around?"

"No. Flippin'. Clue. I mean... this is just so weird!" I gestured wildly with my hands, so wildly in fact, that if someone had been next to me, I probably would have hit them.

"No offence, hon, but don't take it personally. They're just bastards anyway."

"Did I mention that she clearly heard the words 'Tseng' and 'happy' while they were talking about her?" Sage glanced at Tifa with glittering eyes. He knew that Tifa would take the bait and help us.

"No... you didn't." Yup. She was caught by an expert fisherman. "Did they really mention Tseng during this?"

"Yeah." I was catching on a little bit. If the top Turk wanted me, then I really did do something! "They said that Tseng would be happy to know that they had me, something." ... That's when the barrage began. The other two started throwing out ideas as fast as they could.

"Said something to a girlfiend of theirs?" Sage blurted.

I shook my head as Tifa asked, "Said something about Tseng within hearing distance of them?"

"Uh-uh."

"Uuuhhh... Pissed one of them off?" Sage shot at me.

"I make it a point to not talk to scum." I shot back just as fast.

"Did you maybe attack them, thinking they were someone else?" Tifa asked.

I groaned and sighed at the same time. "How and why would I attack someone if I don't even have a weapon?"

This caught Tifa's attention... unlike all of my other 'witty' remarks. "Wait!" she held up her hand, demanding all attention. "You don't have a weapon?"

"No." So what? My world didn't need weapons! Why the hell would I be carrying one around? Besides the fact of looking cool, of course.

"Nothing?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing at all?"

"No. Nothing at all. None. Zip. Zero. Nada. Empty hands." She was a /little/ irritating, so I waved my empty hands sarcastically at her.

She shot me a look of 'Wow, you're mature' before commenting. "And you're walking around here with nothing? Sweet Jesus, you're an idiot. You're lucky Sage came around when he did."

I scoffed. "Yeah. lucky to be kidnapped."

"Better than dead, mind you. But, since you don't have a weapon, I know what we're going to do. Since Jessie is the one that can help us, and she won't be back for a couple of hours, I'm going to take you to talk to the man at the Weapon Shop. We'll find you something to use."