Title: Cookie Marathon Day
Word count: 3,000
Spoilers: none really
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Ben thinks that baking cookies with Leslie will be a fun, relaxing holiday event. Someone is in for a surprise.
~~~
"Ben? Ben is that you? You need to speak up I can't hear a word you're saying," Anne yelled into her phone hoping Ben could hear her over the lawnmower or whatever that was in the background.
She listened carefully and could sense an almost shaking in his voice. When she could finally make out what he was saying she froze. Oh god, Ben was in way over his head.
"I'll be right there. Just, don't move."
Thank god it was a snow day. There was almost no traffic and only a few incidents of black ice on the ride over. Ann stopped her car half in the driveway, half on the lawn dodging a large snowman in a plaid robe. She fumbled with her keys in her gloved hand as she unlocked Leslie's front door and walked into a winter wonderland. That is, if winter wonderland was referring to flour and not, you know, snow.
Leslie was running back and forth between three KitchenAid mixers on the kitchen table and flour was spurting out in little puffs with each spin of the paddle. A 50 lb. bag of sugar was opened wide and leaning up against the kitchen table and Leslie was busy scooping it into the mixers.
Ann walked slowly towards the kitchen, memories from four years ago sending shudders throughout her body. She swore she would never return and yet, here she was.
"Ann!" Leslie shouted in delight. "What are you doing here? Oh my god be careful, I know how allergic you are to vanilla extract before it's baked."
Ann winced when she heard her half-assed lie turned back on her. The first time she had participated in marathon cookie day was just a few months into her friendship with Leslie and she had felt a lot more comfortable lying to her. Even if it meant a trip to the emergency room and a promise to take another nurse's night shift that evening. But it had been affective at getting her out of…this.
It looked like her run was over. She sighed and said a short prayer.
"Actually I finally got an epi-pen so…I'm ready to bake!" Ann raised her fists up with a little cheer. "Yay."
Leslie's face lit up and she ran around to give Ann a hug.
"Oh Ann, that is the most amazing Christmas miracle of all! This is going to be the greatest marathon cookie day. I have my best, most beautiful friend in the whole world and my adorable boyfriend and Christmas carols—" She cut off and stared out into the living room.
"Where's the Christmas music?" Leslie wiped a layer of flour from her watch. "Oh my god we've been baking for over two hours! I can't believe we already made it through playlist number one. Can you believe it Ben? Everyone just wait one minute while I put on the 90s boy band Christmas cover playlist and we'll get right back on schedule."
"Yay!" They both shouted, jumping up and down as Leslie ran off to her laptop in the other room.
Okay, where the hell was Ben. Ann looked around the kitchen and screamed when she saw a gray haired man hunched over on a chair in the corner. It took her a moment to realize it was Ben with a hair full of flour clutching a spatula in one hand and a bowl of icing in the other. He looked shell-shocked as icing dripped from the spatula onto his jeaned knee.
Ann knelt down beside him.
"Hey Ben, how you doing?"
"Leslie said we were going to make cookies and I thought it sounded fun and then there were eggs, so many eggs. Did you know you could buy eggs by the gross?"
He was staring at her disbelief. Ann couldn't believe that no one had warned him about cookie marathon day. It was the one day a year when Leslie made all of her Christmas cookies. ALL of them. She distributed them to the fire department, the police department, the mayor's office, the park security guards, the garbage people, local businesses, the post office and any other local entity you could think of outside of the library. They got the burnt cookies and the gingerbread men who were missing limbs, but none of the famous chocolate covered Leslie cookies.
Everyone in Pawnee looked forward to a plate of Leslie cookies, but none of them knew the cost; none, but Ann, the Parks Department and now Ben. Poor naïve Ben who thought baking cookies would be fun.
"She's not even following a recipe," he continued in confusion. "She's just throwing stuff in and then the sink was full of flour and I kept trying to follow her and clean up, but then I stepped on a rolling pin and knocked over the rest of the flour so I was put on icing duty while I tried to keep awake. I — I think I have a concussion. Did I mention she isn't following a recipe?"
"Your pupils look fine and I assume you haven't thrown up yet. I think you're just overwhelmed. Also, she is following a recipe. It's in her head apparently," Ann helped lift him to his feet.
"Go upstairs, change, cry a little if you have to and then get your butt back down here. And you better come back down here." Ann said in her scary nurse voice that said if he ditched her she would not be afraid to use physical force.
He nodded slowly and made his way up the stairs just as Leslie came back into the kitchen, "Christmas Time" by the Backstreet Boys was blasting from the front of the house.
"Where's Ben going? I was going to get him to be the tie breaker on who had the better Christmas song, Backstreet Boys or *Nsync. Of course he's going to say *Nsync because I've been hinting that he looks a little like Justin Timberlake post-frosted tips and that Justin Timberlake is sexy."
"Leslie, I think that Ben might be a little overwhelmed by all this."
"What do you mean? Ben loves baking cookies. He told me that it was his favorite part of the holidays which is why I went all out this year. I even bought a blue KitchenAid since it's his favorite color! Also I feel like I've been under representing Chanukah in the past."
Ann knew she was going to have to put this delicately. Leslie had been self-conscious of being a steamroller ever since she got back together with Ben and to be honest she had been really good about accommodating others feelings. Plus, marathon cookie day was a Leslie tradition and it's not like she forced Ben to join. This wasn't steamrolling, he just didn't have any idea what he was getting himself into.
But sugar and Christmas carols sometimes gave Leslie tunnel vision and it was Ann's job as best friend to let Leslie know that Ben was a little freaked out at the moment.
Plus, the fact that he didn't imagine ditching out on Leslie as an option made Ann feel like she needed to be the poor guy's advocate. Yes he had called in the heavy cavalry i.e. the best friend, but he was still here trying to make sense of where he fit into the cookie baking process. It was more than she could say of herself a few months into her friendship with Leslie.
But now Ann now sacrificing her own cookie marathon immunity for Leslie so really, there was a reason Leslie loved her the most.
"All I'm saying is Ben tends to like numbers and order and non-diabetic inducing levels of sugar in the air. Right? I think this just might be a little much for him. I mean, this is not how most people do Christmas cookies."
Leslie looked around the kitchen, her mouthed quirked as she considered the mess. Ann was still surprised when Leslie took these moments to assess a situation like this. She was so used to the Leslie who tried to anticipate what was wrong while simultaneously offering a justification for what she was doing. Whether it was forcing Ann to apply for a job she didn't know she wanted or forcing Ben to hang out with her when they were broken up, Ann had come to expect the steamroller.
Instead she was seeing more of planner Leslie. She assumed this was what it would be like if she could watch Leslie's brain pick Christmas presents for people. Putting her in their shoes for just long enough to know exactly what they want.
"That would explain the inhaler when I dragged out the bag of sugar," Leslie put her hands on her hips and stared at the bags of ingredients deep in thought.
"Ann, you're on cookie duty. There are two batches in the oven that correspond to those two egg timers on the counter," Leslie said as she took off her apron and headed up the stairs, "I just added the molasses to the gingerbread cookies in the mixers!"
"But, I don't have the recipe! Leslie!"
"You can do it Ann, I believe in you!"
Alright, well she wasn't going to go through this alone. Ann picked up her phone and scroll through the Parks Department call list.
"Tom, get your ass over here. Now."
~~~
Leslie knocked lightly on the slightly ajar bedroom door before pushing it all the way open.
Ben was pulling on his Little Sebastian t-shirt and his button down shirt lay in a flour-y pile on the floor. God he really did look exhausted.
"Hey," she said softly.
"Hi," he smiled, but it was a cautious smile. Like he was worried she was annexing the room for even more cookie production. She held up her hands to show she wasn't hiding a whisk behind her back.
"So apparently marathon cookie day can be a little overwhelming."
"Um, I mean it's just a little different from the way we did it back home. Not too…you know…"
"Ben, we're baking cookies for half the population of Pawnee."
"Yeah okay it was overwhelming."
She smiled at him. He tried so hard to understand and pick up her Pawnee traditions. It was adorable if not completely naïve. Take Little Sebastian, there was no way he was going to fully understand the power of the miniature horse that pulled the children's Christmas sleigh at the tree lighting ceremony or that saved the mayor and his wife when city hall caught fire. But here he was in her bedroom wearing a Lil' Sebastian shirt as if had lived in Pawnee all his life.
He was never going to be a native, but god was he cute when he tried.
"So what did you imagine when I said we were going to be baking cookies."
"Um, I don't know. I guess I figured we would just take turns mixing and decorating and there would be Christmas music. I kind of imagined less boy band covers. But I thought I could show you how to make spritz cookies with my mom's old cookie press."
"You have your mom's old cookie press?"
"Well I kind of called her and asked her to send it. Express. Overnight. It's actually her only cookie press, but I didn't know where you could buy them and she was weirdly excited that I wanted to bake them. In a real kitchen. With a woman I'm dating."
Leslie didn't know what to say to any of that. But suddenly she really wanted spritz cookies and alone time with Ben and to call his mom and say what an amazing man she had raised.
"Anyway, it was just stupid. I am completely ready for marathon cookie day, I just need to find my inhaler again and then I am ready to go."
She took a few steps closer.
"Why don't we take a break from cookie making for a while."
"You have like seven dozen cookies going."
Leslie wrapped her arm around his neck and pulled his head down.
"Mm, I think Ann has it under control for now."
"I should also mention that Ann made me promise to come back down under threat of physical harm."
"We will go back down eventually, but I think we need to stay here for a little bit. Maybe you can explain to me how that cookie press works. You know, the mechanics and everything."
"Oh god I don't think there's any way to make my mom's cookie press sexy."
Leslie noticed some icing on Ben's collarbone and she leaned in to suck at it. Ben let out a low moan and Leslie smiled against his skin. He wrapped his hands around her legs and pulled them around his waist as he backed up towards the bed.
"I told you that cookie press mechanics could be sexy."
Ben let out a gruff laugh as he sat them down on the edge of the bed. He tucked a finger beneath Leslie's chin and raised her head so he could bring his mouth down on hers. It was sweet and tender and slow. Too slow.
He lifted his head.
"You taste like powder sugar."
Leslie smiled and pushed him back on the bed. A timer buzzed downstairs. If they moved fast, they could get downstairs before the gingerbread cookies had to go in.
They scooted up towards the top of the bed as buttons were undone and their mouths kept finding each other. Ben surprised her by flipping them over so that he was on top.
"Are we having make-up sex?" asked Leslie suddenly.
"I think you have to be in an actual fight to have make-up sex."
Leslie gave a little frown.
"I like when we have make-up sex. I think we're really good at it."
"Well let's see what we can do."
~~~
At least three more timers went off before Leslie and Ben made their way back downstairs feeling considerably more relaxed. But instead of finding everything where they left it, they were met with Ann directing a cookie making workshop.
Tom and Chris were manning the KitchenAids while Jerry and Ron watched the ovens. Donna was rolling out a batch of sugar cookies while April and Andy were decorating a tray fresh from the oven.
"Okay, Tom and Chris we are transitioning to the chocolate covered cookie. I repeat we are transitioning recipes," she made a note on the clipboard she was carrying around. "April, save the phallic looking snowmen for the library. I better not see any of those make it onto the tray for the children's ward at the hospital."
"Fine. I'll just give them the decapitated ones."
Leslie was dumbfounded. She had no idea so many people could fit into her kitchen.
"Hey Ann, what can Ben and I do?"
"You know what we're really kind of busy right now. I'll let you know if there are any openings at the mixers, but we're running on a pretty tight schedule. Hold on."
Ann ran over to where Chris was standing by one of the mixers.
"Chris! I am giving you one more chance, but so help me god if you try to siphon another B-vitamin into that mix I will cut you. From the team, not literally."
Ben and Leslie looked at each other and Ben shrugged his shoulders in a 'hey, what are you going to do?' kind of way. But then Leslie had an idea.
"Hey, why don't you go grab your cookie press and meet me in the living room."
"Um, with all these people around? That seems a little dirty."
"No! I mean the actual cookie making cookie press," she laughed as she gave him a playful shove towards the stairs.
Ben returned to the living room a few minutes later to see that Leslie had rationed out some precious cups of sugar, flour and other ingredients from the kitchen.
"It looks like we got our cookie day after all. Now show me how we do this."
They spent the better part of an hour trying to figure out the exact right amount of twisting it took to make a perfect spritz cookie tree and other fun shapes. Then it took another hour to try and sneak their cookies past Ann and into the oven. Jerry and Ron weren't nearly as difficult to bypass. It wasn't surprising that they could convince Jerry that the spritz cookies were a Jewish form of sugar cookie. Really, Jerry?
When the final batch of cookies came out of the oven and was placed on the platters, it was 8 o'clock. The kitchen looked like a warzone and Andy had crashed so hard from all the sugar that he was laying out across the kitchen chairs with his arms dangling down the sides.
"I just want to say thank you so much you guys for helping with marathon cookie day. I can't believe you all came out here and helped and that we're done so early. This is amazing you guys."
"Help? I came here because Ann promised she would kiss me under the mistletoe if I showed up." Ann glared at him. "And by kiss I meant kick and by mistletoe I meant nuts. And by 'showed up' I meant 'didn't show up.'"
"Alright well on that note, now it's time for the best part of today!"
"Crushing all the cookies with our bare hands."
"No – April – the part where we go out and give them to the citizens of Pawnee. I swear, it's the reason all of this baking is worth it. I can't have you guys bake for me all day and not even get to see how happy it makes everyone."
Leslie handed everyone a list of addresses and they split up into their carpools. Jerry, Donna, Chris and Tom in one car; Ron, April and Andy in another and Leslie, Ben and Ann in Leslie's car.
Leslie and Ann piled their platters of cookies in the back with Ben and got ready to head over to the police station when Leslie gave Ann a massive hug.
"Oh Ann thank you so much for everything today. I can't believe I ditched you with all of the cookies while Ben and I had hot make-up sex."
"Okay well that explains where you guys were gone for so long. But honestly it wasn't that bad. It was fun actually. I kind of like being in charge and directing people."
"Yeah? Well you were pretty awesome at it so maybe that's why."
"Yeah, maybe that's why."
"And good call on that epi-pen!" Leslie shouted as she made her way to the driver's door.
"Yeah, epi-pens are great…"
Leslie slid into the front seat, adjusting her review mirror until she could see Ben, surrounded by the plates of cookies.
"I hope we didn't exhaust your cookie press today," she said.
"Okay, really you guys. I am all for the whole Leslie and Ben are a couple thing, but please save the more explicit sexual innuendos for when I am not in the car."
Leslie winked at Ben before readjusting her mirror and pressing play on the CD player.
"Oh my god you guys it's 'Nsync!"
And from that day on it was a Christmas tradition to have the Parks Department bake at Leslie's house. Even after Leslie became Indiana's junior senator and the order nearly tripled as a result. However the spritz cookies were a Wyatt-Knope family tradition and never made it out of the house. They liked it that way.
