Another one shot… It feels like that's all I've been writing lately. I'll have to go back and rewrite all my old ones, since I hate them. And even this one I've rewritten about three times. Augh, I hate the way I write things.
Disclaimer// I don't Naruto, nor will I ever, I suspect.
Warning// One boy likes another in this. Don't like, don't read.
***
I never thought it would be like this.
My body aches everywhere. I feel my own blood soak through my clothes and stain my hair. Sometimes I think it's not fair. What did I do to deserve this? Why do they hate my very existence? Does no one care for the poor hurt boy, left bleeding in the streets?
I realize presently that it's raining. The blessed drops rain down on me, cooling down my overheated skin. It feels good, but I know if I stay like this for much longer, I'll die of blood loss. Or, if the stupid chakra would kick in, I might die of hypothermia or pneumonia or something like that. Either way, I'd be dying. But I can't move. Life seems pretty dismal right now.
I try to call out. You know, scream for help, and let someone know I'm there. I'm here, and I'm dying. Please help me. Not that many would actually answer to the call and save my bleeding ass. But on the off chance that it was a decent person, maybe I could actually be rescued. Unfortunately, all plans of calling for help are eliminated when I find that I can't actually get any noise out. Damn it, someone upstairs really hates me.
My body is beginning to lose all of its feeling. Numbness… It's a nice change from the constant pain that besieged me before. But I know better than to think it is a blessing. I'm just dying… Or further along in my dying, I guess. I think the numbness is affecting my brain, too. I don't seem to be panicking as much as I should be… Maybe that's a good thing. I've never been terribly good at seeing the difference between helpful and harmful.
"Naruto? What are you doing lying in the middle of the street, Dobe? It's raining. You're gonna die or something if you stay out here." I almost laugh at this comment. I would laugh, if I could. But the familiar voice does comfort me. Maybe it's not too late for me to be saved. Even if it is by this bastard. "Dobe? You gonna just lie there all night, or are you gonna get up and go home?" There's a pause while he waits for an answer of some kind and I wait for him to catch on. Maybe he won't get it. Maybe he'll just shrug me off and go on his merry way. Well, minus the merry. That guy has a stick stuck permanently up his ass.
I find it sort of comforting that I can still be humorous in my head. Nice to know I'm still me, even if I am dying in the road. Suddenly, I feel a pair of warm hands pull me up off the ground. I feel weightless as he pulls me up, presumably onto his back. I feel my cheeks heat up, despite the situation I'm in. Uchiha Sasuke has picked me up and is carrying me somewhere. There's another pause, as if he's checking to make sure I'm not protesting, and then we're moving. He doesn't say a word.
The rain has stopped falling on me, so I guess he had an umbrella with him. He always was the smarter of the two of us. I don't think I even own an umbrella. Iruka might have given me one, but I've probably lost it if he did. If I make it through this, maybe it will be time to invest in one. Though knowing my luck it would be stolen or trashed within a week.
I barely notice when we transition from the cold outside to the warmth of his house. He kicks off his shoes and drops the umbrella on the floor. It's dark in the hallway, since he hasn't really had the chance to flick on the lights. Or maybe he just doesn't like to. Maybe I'm stopping him from doing so. I feel very heavy suddenly.
He carries me silently through the shadows, making hardly any noise as his socked feet make contact with the hardwood. He is a ninja after all. Suddenly he turns and we come into a larger space than the hallway. My eyes are finally adjusting to the blackness. At least outside there were streetlamps.
We're in the living room. I wonder if he knows I'm bleeding, or attributes the wetness to having been in the rain. Either way, he carries me across the room, before gently moving me off his back onto something soft. He's set me down on the couch, I realize. The guy must be in a really good mood, or he hasn't noticed I'm bleeding. I'm hoping it's the first.
There's a moments pause before he stalks off somewhere. The light comes on suddenly, and I groan as my eyes have to readjust to being in the light. Damn, that hurts. But at least I can make some kind of noise now.
"Oh God… Naruto, what happened to you?" I wince as he appears abruptly, towering over me. His shadow covers me, so I don't have to squint to see anymore. I look up at him, blinking away blood and rain. His face, usually so passive and uncaring, is now contorted with worry and concern. It's a strange look on him. "How did you get like this? Did someone do this to you?" No. I did this to myself. God, I can't believe this guy is considered a genius. "Who did this, Naruto?" The protective tone in his voice sends shivers all down my skin. I feel my stomach explode with butterflies, despite the gravity of the situation.
With the warmth returning to my body, I can feel the pain coming back too. It comes back worse than I remember. It's like there are a million spiky bombs flowering on my skin, pricking my skin before exploding. I moan in agony, and reach my hands out, looking for nothing in particular. A strong hand grasps one of my outstretched ones, and pulls it down. "Naruto… Tell me what happened."
"Sasuke…" My voice is raspy and hoarse. It hurts to speak. He can see that, I guess, and holds a single finger to my lips. The heat bursts out over my cheeks again, and I know that I'm blushing. A soft shush escape his lips and he kneels down next to me. I breathe harshly. My throat is too dry. "W-water…" I manage to croak, though I barely squeeze it out. Sasuke nods slowly and stands up. He looks at me, as if reluctant to leave. Right on cue, I begin to cough. He exits the room.
For a while, it's just me alone in the living room, breathing heavily, coughing every once in a while. Right now, it's my side that's hurting the most. I could feel blood from my stab wound seeping out. I know if I'm not treated soon, I'm going to die. Which is a sad thought, since I'd had my hopes up when Sasuke had found me.
My savior returns a few minutes later, carrying a glass of water and a large first aid kit. Apparently being away from me cleared his mind enough for him to realize that I needed immediate medical attention. He sits down next to me, holding out the glass of water. It takes him a second to remember I'm probably not in good enough condition to be holding things, or trying to grab something. So he moves closer and moves me around so I'm propped up on some pillows.
The cool glass touches my lips. He tips it up a little, just enough so that some of the precious liquid will reach me. I open my lips slowly; the water is cool against my throat. I shiver slightly. Sasuke pulls the glass away, though I feel like I could drink more. He quickly turns to the first aid kit beside him and opens it. I can't see what's inside from where I am, but he soon pulls some bandages and anti-bacterial cleaning fluid out.
I whimper as he removes my shirt to get a better look at my wounds. It's probably better to be out of the bloodstained clothes, but I feel exposed and vulnerable. It's not a good feeling. Sasuke raises one eyebrow delicately, as if to challenge me to fight against him. I bite my lip to silence any further noise.
Sasuke dampens a cotton ball with cleaning fluid before setting the bottle back down on the table. I watch him carefully as he moves back towards me, cotton ball dowsed with liquid held carefully between his index and middle fingers.
Pain shoots through me as he swabs at my wound. I clench my fists, attempting in vain to hold in a scream. He pulls away for a moment, giving me a second to recover before going back to his work. I try to stay quiet after that, but a sob or two manage to escape me. He has to go back to get another cotton ball a few times, and it stings the entire way through. I'm gripping the couch fabric tightly in my fists, but even after he's done I don't let go.
His hands move smoothly across my skin now as he pulls the bandages around my cuts, moving me around so that he can get all the way around. I grimace as he tightens them, but it has to be tight, right? Something about applying pressure…
There is silence as Sasuke packs up the first aid kit. He picks it up and leaves the room, and I am alone again. I feel my eyelids drooping a little, but the remaining pain is enough to keep me from sleep. I close my eyes anyway, hoping that I can at least rest a little. I'm faintly aware that he has returned into the room. But I don't acknowledge his presence by opening my eyes again. He kneels down next to me again, and I wonder if he'll stay there for long. Surely he must be tired as well. It is getting late, after all.
For a long time, it is completely quiet. I feel like I am at the brink of sleep, but it refuses to come to me. Sasuke is completely still next to me, his breathing steady compared to my ragged gasps for air. I try to stabilize mine as well, and after a while it seems under control. My mind wanders freely, jumping from one topic to the next. Sasuke doesn't seem to be moving, so I question whether or not he's still awake.
I open one eye a crack to see what he's doing. I'm surprised to find that he's leaning against the side of the couch, resting gently. His eyes are closed. I wonder absent-mindedly how long it has been since I closed my eyes and he just sat there, watching me.
My heart skips a little at the thought of him watching over me. I scold myself for getting excited over such a trivial thing, but I know my cheeks are probably dusted with pink all the same. I smile a little, and watch as his chest moves up and down with his breathing.
It took me a long time to figure out my feelings for Sasuke. At first I thought it was just hate and jealousy. That I got red in the face and butterflies in my stomach from the anger that I felt whenever he did better than I did. But I understood gradually that it was the complete opposite. Rather than wanting to be away from him, I felt that at all times I wanted to be near Sasuke. To have him show me attention, even if it was in the form of glares and one word replies. I didn't mind, as long as he noticed me.
But now I know how I feel, and there is absolutely nothing I can do. When he looks at me, I know that he is not looking over me with love or affection. He doesn't care about me that way. I can see the coldness in his eyes, and I realize that he holds nothing but a brotherly sort of love and respect for me. But that is all. There is no deeper bond that ties us, no returned feelings that can comfort my loneliness. It is just me, yearning for him constantly.
And yet, as much as I know that I cannot have him… to have him so close to me, within arms reach… I just want to hold him tight to me and never let go. The thought of him taking care of my wounds is almost too much to bear. I want him to be with me always. It feels as if my body will explode for all the feelings I am harboring. The secret emotions that I can never let anyone see. Because as painful as it is to hold in these feelings, I fear that it would hurt more to have him know and reject me.
I am brought from my reverie when he stirs a little, murmuring something in his sleep. I can't hear what he said, but a smile graces my lips all the same. I marvel at his beauty, admiring the pale, smooth skin that is within my grasp. Within my reach. I could move only slightly and brush against him.
My eyes wander across his body, taking in the curves and muscles that make up the boy I love. I allow my vision to stray to his lips. They look so soft… a light pink that I imagine running along my neck. Or pressed against my own lips. Separated in a moan.
Without realizing it, I've moved forward, placing myself closer to Sasuke. My face is a mere inches away from his. I could lean in right now and claim his lips if I wanted to. The only thing stopping me is my own logical mind, fighting desperately against my heart. If I did kiss him, how would I stop myself? What if he's still awake? He'd probably hurt me. It isn't like me to take advantage of someone when they're asleep.
They're all valid arguments, but my mind is hazy and it's losing this battle. It's been a while, surely he must be asleep. He wouldn't pretend to be asleep in front of me. And I've wanted to taste his lips for so long… how can I possibly resist and pass up a chance like this?
I lean over, raising my hand to stroke his cheek lightly. I suppose it can be seen as a way to see if he's awake or not, but more than likely I'm just doing it to feel the softness of his skin. I want to touch him. The pale white of his skin if like fresh snow, and I want to keep its beauty for myself.
My lips brush lightly over his. They're warm against mine. I brush some hair away from his face with my hand. My eyes close as I push ever so slightly harder onto his lips, inhaling his scent through my nose. He smells like the rain, but there's also an underlying scent of cinnamon or something… I'm too hazy to distinguish what it really is.
I pull back, smiling to myself and lying back down against the cushions Sasuke placed on the couch for me. I don't know how I'll be able to hold myself back the next day or any day after that, now that I've allowed myself a taste of his precious lips. But I'm sure I'll be able to manage somehow. That or, rejection be damned, I'll just have to tell him. Maybe it won't be so bad?
"Naruto… what was that… for?" My breath catches in my throat and my eyes are open in a flash in response to the quiet, shaky voice that breaks the silence. I turn my head to see Sasuke staring at me, a foreign expression sitting on his face. The blood drains from my face as I realize the worst. He wasn't really asleep. Or not very deeply at least. And he knows that I kissed him. So he'll figure out that I love him. Then it will all be over.
"I… I…" My voice is caught in my chest as I stare wide eyed at Sasuke. The emotions that range on his face could only be described as disgust, fear, confusion, and anger. He hates me. He's realized my feelings for him, and now he hates me. All bliss that had been forged of the kiss from earlier vanishes, and I'm left with an empty pain in my chest, like some kind of vacuum that has sucked up my heart and torn it to pieces.
"You…" He lowers his head and shadows cover his eyes. He really must hate me. To be lost for words is quite unlike him. He usually had an abundance of insults to throw at me, or chose to not speak at all. But never was he never unable to speak.
I feel tears threatening to overflow, but refuse to let them fall. I can't allow him to see me cry. He of all people should never be allowed to see my tears. I will not cry over him. Not yet. I have to wait. Wait until I can be alone.
He stands up swiftly, mumbling something that sounds like "I'm going to bed." I watch silently as he leaves the room, barely making a sound. In the distant I hear his door shut. Thunder sounds outside, and I feel wet tears running down my cheeks. Rain pounds hard against the window pane, and I feel as if it is reflecting the state of my heart. Such a painful misery has taken hold of me, and it refuses to let go.
I can't stay here any longer. This place smells of him, everything here reminds me of his presence within the house. I need to get away, be away from him. Every part of my being screams at me to leave. Don't suffer through any more of this agony. Just leave now, or you'll never be able to get up again. I have to leave before my misery holds me down here, paralyzing me.
My legs move of their own accord. I can't be bothered enough to care where they take me. I get off the couch with much difficulty, feeling pain shoot through my body, reminding me of the wounds that have covered my body. They aren't as bad as they were before, but they still hurt.
I stagger out of the living room, into the dark hallway. My hands feel the wall, guiding me towards the door. When I make it there, I yank it open, not bothering to close it as my legs suddenly acquire a mind of their own. I bolt away from the house, dashing off into the dark rain.
My legs carry me swiftly through the pounding storm, raindrops lashing out against my body. The cold of the stinging water numbs me, leaving me with no room to think as I sprint through the empty streets. The streetlights give off hardly any light through the dark storm. It doesn't matter anyway. Even if I could see where I was going, I still would be heading nowhere.
Lightning flashes, illuminating the world around me. The rain streaked windows, dark as the town sleeps. Wet stones beneath me, somehow not causing me to slip. Buildings all around, silent and unaware of the anguish that has taken hold of me just outside their doors.
My legs give out suddenly and I find myself on the ground, gasping for air. My lungs are screaming out, and the muscles in my legs beg for a rest. But the loudest part of me is my heart, pounding hard against my chest. I'm surprised to find that it still works, even if my "broken heart" is only a figurative one. I had figured that my real one might have given out as well. The pain was a sign of that. But it thumped painfully in my body, a reminder of the pain I was still experiencing.
Somewhere, I can hear footsteps. I hope to God that it's no one that I know, but God doesn't seem to be on my side lately. I'm starting to doubt if he even exists. If he does, I think he's a sadistic bastard.
"Hmph… stupid demon can't even stay dead."
I feel fear course through me at the voice. It's familiar, but only because I recognize it from earlier tonight. I can't put a face to it, or a name. Why does it have to be these guys again? Can't I be allowed even one break? Is there no one looking out for me, protecting me? Or is it just my luck that all these things have been happening to me? Was I just born unlucky? Or did the cruel destiny I seem to have been placed in begin when they put this monster inside me? Is it this monster's fault that I am fated to never be happy?
"Well, this time we make sure you don't get back up to bother us again."
I close my eyes, feeling the rain against me. It's cold against my skin, and I find that sort of comforting. Maybe with this numbness resting over me, I won't be able to feel anything as they finish what they started. A strange thought comes to me as I find that the numbing effect of the rain does nothing to protect me.
Maybe I'd rather not be found this time. Maybe I'd prefer to just be left alone this time, and not have someone come to my rescue. Because if I'm not rescued, then perhaps I won't have to endure this pain anymore. I won't have to remember the look on his face when he found out, or the pain in my heart that nearly could have killed me itself. It probably would have, given time.
They leave me again, not bothering to check if I'm still breathing. I'm sure they'd just try again if they found out I had managed to survive again. But I won't survive this time. I can feel it in my chest as my body slowly shut downs. There will be no one to save me this time. And I think I'm okay with that.
* * *
Sasuke woke up to an empty house. He dragged himself quietly out of bed, heading sluggishly to the bathroom before remembering that Naruto was in his living room. So, with some reluctance, Sasuke tiptoed towards the entrance to the room where Naruto resided. He peered in, almost afraid to look over the back of the couch to see where the blond boy would be resting.
How could he look the other boy in the eyes, after what had happened? The boy he had known for so many years, who had been his rival and best friend and eventually his brother, had kissed him. And from the way he had caressed his cheek, he presumed that Naruto had been fully aware of what he had been doing. The touch had been so gentle, like a lover's. The thought made Sasuke's cheeks heat up. He wasn't sure how things could ever be the same after that.
But when Sasuke gazed over the back of the couch, he found no blond lying there, asleep or awake. In fact, Naruto was nowhere to be found. Panic struck Sasuke, and he began to desperately search the house. It wasn't until he ran back to the living room that he saw the front door, swung open wide. Naruto must have run away during the night.
Sasuke sprinted out the door, not bothering to close it as he ran into the town, calling out Naruto's name. Worry had taken over him, and he was determined to find the blond idiot before something bad happened to him. So he flew through the streets, looking for any sign of his teammate.
"Sasuke!" The sound of Sakura's voice pulled Sasuke to a stop. He spun around to see the pink-haired girl running up to him, tears in her eyes. "Sasuke come quickly!! You have to…" She trailed off, choking on the words she was trying to get out so desperately. Sasuke clenched his fists, panic rising within him.
"Sakura, what's wrong? Why are you crying? Have you seen Naruto?" Sasuke demanded from her, eyes betraying the worry he felt. He was afraid. What if something had happened to his friend?
"Naruto? Oh God…" Sakura cried even harder now, her shoulder shaking as she took another step towards Sasuke. He grabbed her by the shoulders, breathing heavily. "Sasuke… I had to come looking for you. But you weren't at your home and the door was open… And then I saw you and… and…"
"What's wrong Sakura? Did something happen to Naruto? Tell what's going on?" Sasuke felt like screaming and pulling the girl's hair out. He shook her a little, trying to get her to answer him. Was Naruto hurt? He had to know.
"A villager… she found Naruto this morning… She was just going to the market… She called for help, but we knew as soon as we saw him…" Sasuke's eyes widened, and he shook his head. No, no this couldn't be happening. He had just bandaged Naruto up last night… He'd just seen him a few hours ago… "Naruto… Naruto is… dead…" And she burst into tears, sobbing into Sasuke's chest. He stood still, shock paralyzing him. He couldn't move. It wasn't possible. Naruto couldn't be… dead.
The word seemed heavy and painful in his mind, like some sort weight that was pulling him down to the darkest depths of the ocean. He was faintly aware as Sakura suddenly began to pull him away from his spot, leading him somewhere. He followed mechanically, his mind trying to pull him away from her. She was leading him to a place he didn't want to go. He didn't want to see.
But as they rounded a corner, he did see. A crowd of people gathered in one area. Sakura pulled him through, people parting as she pushed her way to the middle. And in the middle was an open area, where something was lying on the ground.
Sasuke didn't want to see it. But his eyes were drawn to the figure on the cold street, resting there so peacefully. And as his eyes came upon the unmoving body, his knees gave out. He fell to the ground, kneeling next to the body of his best friend and teammate. The one that had loved him.
Naruto's body was covered with cuts and wounds, and there was blood everywhere. In his hair, on his clothes, splattered on the street. His eyes were closed, and he looked almost… peaceful. It was disturbing and eerie.
Sasuke felt tears in his eyes, trailing down his face as he stared at the lifeless corpse before him. Naruto, the only one who had ever understood his pain and loneliness, the only one he had ever cared for… was gone. Naruto was gone, and it was his fault. If he hadn't reacted like that… if he hadn't been so afraid. If he had just stayed with Naruto… the blond wouldn't have been able to leave. He wouldn't have run away in his condition and ended up here, lifeless and alone. He should have been stronger.
It was like someone was mocking him, taking away everything that was precious to him. He wasn't allowed to have anything for his own. He wasn't permitted to care for anyone, lest they be taken away. It seemed as soon as he found that he was happy again, some cruel fate had to sweep in and take that thing away from him.
At some point he felt someone dragging him away, but he didn't want to leave. If he left Naruto now, like this, he'd never be able to see him ever again. He would truly be gone then. And when the idiotic, hyperactive blond was gone, then what would Sasuke be? When the stupid, wonderful boy was gone, then what could possibly be left of Sasuke? The only reason he was still alive to this day was that dobe. So with him dead, what was left?
Nothing, Sasuke decided. There was nothing left in this world to anchor him down. Every other bond he had made, every connection he had with others… they meant nothing. They were things that weren't necessary for him. Completely superfluous.
When he was dropped off at his own house, Sasuke opened the door mechanically and went inside. Had Sakura closed it, or had he when he had run off, looking for Naruto? Was it really that important? The footfalls of his feet in the hallway were loud and echoed inside the house. He imagined when Naruto had come in, usually without permission, to visit him. The loudness had seemed to brighten up the house, making it seem more like a home again.
It surprised him slightly to find himself in his living room. When had he gotten there? Why wasn't he in his bedroom, when he felt so tired? No, it would be wrong to sleep there, somehow. Or maybe it wasn't that it was wrong. Maybe it was that Sasuke took comfort in the smell of Naruto that lingered on his couch. The scent that filled his senses as he lowered himself onto the couch, head resting on the same pillows he had used to prop the blond up last night.
His eyes felt heavy, and accepting the fact that he needed sleep, Sasuke let them slide shut. His mind became hazy as darkness overtook. As he fell deep into sleep, he felt a wetness upon his cheek. Somewhere far off, he heard a familiar voice calling to him, and prayed that he could never wake up.
***
Owari.
Yeah, it's done. I hope you liked it. Please review.
