TOLD YOU SO
:Im dedicating this little story to N.N.C.S. and WickerWood because I love their stories to death.:
Told you so.
'Sasuke always looks depressed.'
'Sasuke is such a cold-hearted bastard'
'Why does he always wear those armwarmers?'
Dunce, even though I could never truly hate you, those words eat away at my heart slowly and I feel myself drawn further into the darkness. I wonder if you'll say I told you so when you find my body laying broken in a house of shattered dreams. I wonder if you'll say I told you so when you pull down the bloodsoaked armwarmers and find cuts so deep they show the snow white bone underneath.
It's stupid that I let you burrow so deep into my heart that each time you say these vehement words another chunk is ripped out and my heart is left weeping crimson tears.
That stupid ignorant doll Sakura is your goddess. I can't stand it. While she's busy fawning over me you're busy fawning over her while I stare at your beautiful blue eyes and sunkissed hair and wonder if I'll ever be able to touch that small piece of heaven that I've been denied ever since my family was slaughtered.
I remember when I nearily let my glass mask shatter just so I could touch your cheek, kiss your lips, run my bloodstained fingers through your soft hair. You smirked at the small falter and let your kunai bite into my flesh and slit my wrist. Did you want me to die? If this is all it took for you to focus honestly on me and show concern for me, I'd slit my wrists a thousand times for you. Instead I ignored it and walked away, ignoring your concern as I returned to our camp. I let it bleed till it finally clotted, wanting to savor the scar you left on me.
Now I stare out at you with your back turned to me as you flirt with Sakura. We're supposed to be catching fish for lunch but as usual your screwing around. I don't want to get in the water, Im already cold and shivering as I try not to cry because just thinking about how much I've wanted to die is making me emotional. Someone is eventually going to notice, I hope it's you and not Sakura.
"Sasuke, aren't you going to help your teammates?"Kakashi's asks in a bemused voice from his perch on a tree limb, eyes glued to the pages of his precious Icha Icha Paradise.
'You're one to talk.'I merely turn my eyes away from Naruto to a raven hopping in the brown sand along the bank, picking at beached clams."Hn."
My fingers nervously twitch along the hem of my armwarmers, thoughts drifting once more.What if Kakashi were to find out? As much as I pretend to not care, Kakashi is a father figure to me, and when Naruto and Sakura aren't around and Im brooding in the woods, he often comes to just sit there in silence with me. I've never understood it, but if I were to die, I believe he would be one of the few to actually care.
Naruto..My eyes cloud over as a small smile causes the corners of my lips to twitch.I hope when I'm gone he will read the note I wrote him and finally understand. I hope he won't just say, 'I told you so.'
"I told you so!"Naruto shouts, drawing my attention as I turn to him, utterly shocked.Is he reading my thoughts? Oh god..did he just hear everything I was thinking?
"Look Sakurachan! The bastard isn't even going to help us! He thinks he's too good for us!"Sakura reddens in anger and smacks him over the head, causing Naruto to lose his balance and land in the river, icy water soaking through his orange jumpsuit. He rubs his head with one eye closed and that adorable pout directed at his attacker."Itaiiiii...Sakura chhaaaannn."
The bitch turns and sniffs, opening one eye to blush at me. I scowl and turn away once more, shoulders slumping in what I hope an invisible sign of relief. Why isn't it Naruto that looks to me for approval? Why isn't it Naruto that defends me? Why can't Sakura just fucking..
"Sasuke."I jerk to awareness once more and compose my features, not turning.
"Hn?"
"I think you should go help them or Sakura might kill Naruto."Kakashi states matter of factly.
Maybe that would be better. If she killed him, I would have good reason to torture her, then I could follow him into death and I would have him all for myself..
I now realize how much of a psychotic stalker I resemble. I've become a useless lovesick stalker with an unrequited obsession that will forever remain so. I constantly think about suicide, and even about the death of my loved one just so I can be together with him. I'm selfish. So selfish it's disgusting. Everyone would be better off if I were gone. Even if he did say I told you so, maybe for once everyone would agree with him and he would be reverred, as he had always dreamed. So my death would be a double benefit, right?
Sakura squealed in horror as the dunce splashed a tital wave in my direction. I turned, Sharigan activated as I watched the approaching water. Somehow I couldn't bring myself to move and remained still as the water crashed over my head, clothes hungrily absorbing the icy river water as the excess receeded back down the bank and into the river. I looked down at my soaked armwarmers and imagined the clear liquid becoming tainted with crimson, the water pooled around my sitting spot becoming blood from my slit wrists, and surprisingly, I felt content.
"Sasuke kun!"Sakura shouted, channeling chakra into her feet so as not to splash me as she jumped onto shore and offered me a towel. Naruto looked a little shocked at the fact that he had actually gotten me, but began laughing hysterically a second later. Kakashi looked thoughtful as he shut his book and watched us.
The bitch dabbed at my now flat hair that framed my face, blushing shyly as she gently wiped my face dry.
I inwardly seethed, couldn't she see I was dying? She was ruining Naruto's fun. I had made him laugh, had made him happy. The blood covering me was making him glad.
"Ano..Sasuke kun?"She whispered softly, towel withdrawing.
I let my eyes flicker to meet hers, raising a single eyebrow slightly."Are you ok?"
Am I ok? What the fuck would you care? Why can't you just..just die..
"Sakura san."
She blinked in shock, grip tightening around the towel as she looked eagerly at me.
"Do you love me?"
Naruto's face reddened in rage, he stormed towards us as Kakashi's visible eye widened. Sakura put a hand over her mouth as her face redenned."N-n-nan-nani?.."Her knees trembled as she looked around then back to me like a deer caught in headlights.
I stared emotionlessly at her, unsympathetic as she nearly fainted in shock and hope.
"H-hai Sasukekun.."She twisted the material of her dress, eyes on the grass.
"Hn."I muttered and stood, turning to slowly walk back to the village. After five minutes my mind finally began to function again and I paused midstep. I had just made a big mistake. A very big mistake. Why would I even say that? I was losing my touch, losing control. I couldn't lose control. Losing control was weak. I had lost control to Itachi, I should have died then, not lived on as a shell. His words echoed through me head. Live on for the sake of revenge.
So stupid...I had listened, and now I had two reasons for living. The impossible dream of killing Itachi, and the impossible dream of Naruto's love. What a pathetic reason for existance. I was selfish, living for the sake of hurting others? Of wanting others?
I ignored the wet splat of blood falling to the ground as my fist collided with a tree, bark bending and snapping under the force, splinters piercing the pale flesh of my right hand. What the fuck was I doing? What the fuck am I?
Beautiful, the sound of crimson rain gathering around the base of the abused tree trunk and bones snapping under the force, the symphony of rhythematic abuse and pain. I drink it all in and savor the pain slowly eating away at my nerves until finally I fall to my knees, body going into shock as my broken hands lay limply in a pool of my own blood. This makes Naruto happy right? If he were here he'd be laughing, pointing at me and telling Sakura and Kakashi 'I told you so! haha'. This causes me to smile. It's so childish, so like Naruto and his innocence that I so painfully ache to taint, like the throbbing in my hands and the painful twitch that travels up and down my abused arms ever so often.
I've torn the hem of my armwarmers, yet they remain untouched by the blood. It's like they are mocking me, coaxing me to just take the kunai out of my back pocket and..
"Sasuke!"
Am I hearing things? Naruto?
I turn, standing and shoving my hands in my pockets, nonchalantly stepping in front of the blood puddle as I twist my features into a scowl."Nani?"
He stops, doubling over with his hands on his knees, orange clad chest heaving as he struggles to regain his breathe. "Bastard! Why are you suddenly showing interest in my Sakurachan!"A tanned finger is pushed into my aching chest. He's jealous because I showed interest in Sakura? Hm, a taste of his own medicine.
"Why should you care? She doesn't like you anyways." She doesn't like you! Just fucking look at me that way for once, I like you that way. I love you.
The punch left a bruise on my cheek, I savoured the pain once more, too bad bruises couldn't scar, I treasured all the scars Naruto left on my body.
I remained sitting on the green grass and moss, staring up at Naruto as he glared down at me. Sunlight pierced through his blonde hair in beams, making the gold locks look an almost ethereal white. Dark blue eyes swam with passionate anger and his orange jacket hung slightly off his shoulder, revealing a patch of smooth tan skin.
To hell with it. I grabbed his hand and yanked him on top of me. Thinking I would hit him, Naruto quickly braced his hand against the ground and drew back the other for a punch.
Blue eyes widened in shock as I leaned up into him, throwing an arm around his neck and pressing my cool lips to his warm soft ones. It was everything I had imagined and yearned for, so soft and warm and full of life. A small piece of heaven.
Why aren't you reacting? I'm baring my heart and soul to you and pouring my love out. Do something. I need this, I need this so much.
The delayed fist connects solidly with my already bruised cheek. I exhaled and squeeze my eyes shut. No, please. This isn't what I wanted, please Naruto, please don't reject me.
"What the FUCK, Sasuke! What the hell!"Nono, please, don't use that voice on me. Not after I finally.."You sick fuck!"
I reach out blindly for your soft cheek, you cringe back and stand. I open my eyes, pleading with you not to destroy me. Your beautiful blue eyes are squinted into an astounded and utterly disgusted glare. You shake your head and draw your orange sleeve against your lips, cleaning yourself of me.
"Don't touch me. Don't you EVER fucking touch me again. I'm going to tell all of your fangirls what a sick freak you are, jesus."
I feel a tear run down my cold cheek. I close my eyes and bite my bottom lips, eyebrows coming together in a vain attempt to stop the tears. I let out a weak broken sob and sit up to hug my knees.
The only sound I can hear is your ragged breath and the sound of you spitting the last trace of our kiss to the ground. I can hear Naruto's footsteps coming closer. Yes, give me a chance to explain, I'd do anything..just don't..don't hate me.
Naruto hesitanty put his hand on my shoulder, just a slight touch but I lean into it anyways, hurriedly looking up and preparing to pour my heart out. Instead my heart stops, and I feel it instantly shatter.
There's pity swimming in your eyes, the beautiful blue eyes that will no longer meet mine. There's a certain twist to your mouth that I know is disgust and uncertainty, but once again your kind attitude has won over it. You pity me now. Pity is even worse than hate.
"Look..Sasuke..I won't tell them that you're..that you're gay. Just stop crying ok? I like Sakura, Im not like that man... So don't..just don't.."Naruto removed his hand to run it nervously through his hair. He stepped back and cast me one pitying look before turning and walking away, directing one final command over his shoulder,"don't touch me like that again, ever."
I feel like vomiting, I feel like running after you and stabbing you again and again and again..how could you..do you even care? Do you even care that you've broken me...Fuck you..fuck this. How can I still love you? How can I still...Naruto..my Naruto. It's ok, don't cry Naruto.
Imagining I'm comforting my obsession is a lot easier than accepting the fact that he knows, he rejected me, pities me, and right now Im laying on my dried blood, the blood that he hadn't even noticed, he hadn't cared about. I can still make him happy, maybe I can even make him love me in the end. If I kill myself, maybe I can awaken that love that he just can't seem to see.
I turn onto my side, sobbing and hiccuping, my stomach finally empties the contents of breakfast and lunch. I feel a certain calm, a sense of finality envelope me like a warm blanket of comfort, holding the shattered remains of my heart together long enough that I can get up and stumble home, ignoring the shocked looks of the villagers, slashing outstretched hands and such with my kunai, bathing in the sprays of blood that result and the horrified screams. It brings back so many memories, coming home and seeing the bodies, seeing Itachi and running, the horrified screams of a young Sasuke being raped, being afterwards taken in by Kakashi for a short time.
As I shut the heavy wooden door to our home, I sense shinobis getting closer, drawn to the distress in the village, and I sense the aura of Kakashi getting closer along with Sakura. I can't sense Naruto.
The faint memory of my parents laying in a pool of their own blood flickers as I sit in the corner and lick the excess blood from my kunai. I grip it tightly with my right hand and stretch the expanse of my milky pale forearm to the hungry glint of the weapon. Plunging it in directly below my elbow, I gasp with a dry sob at the pain that slowly numbs as shock engulfs my nerves. I dig it in further, eyes widening and breath coming in short pants as I scream hoarsely, dragging it down as blood splurts sluggishly from severed arteries and veins, snow white bone tingling and emitting a sickly scraping noise as the sharp edge of the kunai comes in contact with it.
I can't breath and the pain is forcing anguished screams from my sore throat. I bite through my lip and choke on the blood that pools in my mouth to slide thickly down my throat. I pant, focusing on the image of Naruto as I wrap my arms around myself, sobbing as I feel blood warm my chest and shirt, in contrast to the icy water that he had showered me in earlier.
White sparks flicker in front of my eyes, and as I shift into the corner more comfortably, red blinds me. I black out for a second only to weakly pry my lids open once more, gurgling desperately as I realize I've bitten through my tongue in pain and Im now choking to death on my own blood. How ironic, drowning in my own blood while it flows from me.
I wish I could stay awake long enough to hear you say, 'I told you so', love, but everything is getting cold and I just want to sleep. I hope I dream about you.
o0o0o0o0o0o0oo0o0o0o0o
I was in a very morbid mood.-.-I havent updated Tired Of Hating yet, and Im sorry if Its pissing you off, but I have a writer's block on that story and Help me Breath right now and Im waiting for inspiration so I don't mess up and ruin the story. I got a review stating that I was ignorant in the ways of Sasuke. I could be a bitch about it, but I decided to write a story from his point of view instead. Be satisfiedO-o.
Oh and its my first 1st person POV so..yeah..
Im listening to Aqua aka Akua by..Gabriel or Gabriela Robin, very sad, EXTREMELY beautiful and moving song. I suggest you listen to it. If you really want to hear it, email me and I'll send it to you immediately.-grins-
I have been drawing a lot of angst which I hope to finally post some drawings on my deviantart account (I dont have a scanner) but right now I only have pictures of me-.-; I have MANY favorites which are almost all drool-worthy yaoi. So please visit my house, my username is Lisullenlye, and the http thingy would be http // lisullenlye.deviantart. com (No spaces)I also will be posting some hardcore random stories on my livejournal account soon. My username on there is beatmebreakme which is probably http // beatmebreakme. livejournal. com
I Never Wanted To Say I Told You So
Naruto ran back to the river to find Sakura and Kakashi gone. He exhaled slowly then fell to his knees, splashing cold water on his face.
He stared sadly into the rippled water, touching his lips slowly then shaking his head with a scowl and hitting the water before sitting back.
'Sasuke kissed me.'Naruto pressed his fingers into his lips further.'Sasuke is gay.'
Sakura would be devastated, but..then again he had promised Sasuke that he wouldn't tell anyone. Sasuke had looked so sad..so desperate and lost. It made Naruto feel horrible and unclean, to have meant so much to his friend and to have shattered it in a matter of seconds.
'Damnit Sasuke..why did you have to put me in that position..'
The blonde sighed, leaning against a tree and staring at the green blades of grass near his thigh.'He'll find someone else...it isn't like Im homophobic..Kakashi and Iruka sensei are together.I just never expected another guy to like ME like that. It feels nice to know that someone desires you that way. But I've never thought of Sasuke that way. I've kissed him before..but it was accidentally. It felt different..I was scared..God I hope he doesn't do anything stupid.'
As if on cue, a large source of chakra flickered in the distance, in the direction of Konoha. Naruto swore fluently and shakily got to his feet, taking off through the woods towards Konoha.
o0o0o0o0o
Kakashi sat in the tree for awhile after Sasuke and Naruto had taken off, eventually prying his eyes from the woods to rest on the remaining member of their team.
"Do you really love him Sakura?"
"H-hai..I just..I'd thought about it before this..but it'd been so long. He's always rejected me. What does this mean Kakashi sensei?"
Kakashi 'hmmed' thoughtfully, scratching his masked chin before shrugging and leaping languidly to land on the ground.
"I'd say Sasuke's confused about his feelings."
Sakura brightened, twisting the hem of her dress,"you mean he's actually considering a relationship with me?"
Kakashi sweatdropped,'I may have a sharigan eye, but I can't read people's minds.' "You'd have to ask him Sakura, but I think there's something going on with him and Naruto."
The girl wrinkled her nose."Sasukekun isn't that way, besides, even if he was why would he ever like Naruto?"
He patted her on the head with an easygoing smile,"You never know with certain people, eh Sakura?"
The pinkhaired girl blushed crimson, head jerking up to stare at him incredously.'Does he know?'
She opened her mouth hesitantly, startled when she felt a large chakra flare and then slowly begin to fade in the direction of their village. Sakura turned questioningly to Kakashi, but stopped dead when she saw his expression.
"What-"
"Come on."With that, Kakashi took off through the trees, a protesting female nin struggling to keep up.
o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
When they reached the village they were shocked to find medical nins crowding the streets to attend to small wounds that were inflicted upon various villagers. Sakura spotted Ino sitting on a bench, scowling as her bleeding hand was bound by a medic nin. When the blonde spotted Sakura she brightened and waved, shoving her medic aside to get to her friend.
"Ino, what happened?"Sakura asked, startled when she realized Kakashi was no longer with them.
"Sasuke's lost it."Ino shivered, shaking her head slowly at Sakura gasp,"I saw him walking down the road, his hands looked really really badly injured and as I was about to walk up to him, and old woman beat me to it and Sasuke severed her hand. I reached out to stop him and he slashed the back of my hand. His mind was..there was only pain Sakura."She whispered sadly.
Sakura stared in horror for a second,"Ino..where..where is he?"
"I don't know Sakura, but I hope someone finds him. I dont know what he's going to do."
Sakura turned to run, but was stopped. Ino kissed her cheek gently, brushing soft pink hair out of her face."Be careful."
Sakura blushed and smiled before running off.
o0o0o0o0o0o
Kakashi glared at the anbu's hand that rested on his chest.
"Arigatou Kakashi sensei, but I was ordered to not let anyone pass-"
"Move."Kakashi whispered, expression filled with rage and determination.
Sighing in defeat, the anbu stepped aside along with his teammates. Inside Kakashi silently thanked his mask for dulling the overpowering stench of blood. As he turned the corner he came face to face with a grim, blood soaked medic nin who was packing up his supplies.
Sasuke sat slumped in the corner, his pupiless black eyes slitted as they stare sightlessly at the bloodstained floor. Armwarmers hung in tatters on his arms and Kakashi swallowed bile when he saw untainted white bone showing from the severed layers of skin.
The medic nin cleared his throat and wiped the small patch of unstained sleeve across his eyes, standing with medical kit at side."It looks like he died a few minutes before we got here. He used a kunai to slit his wrists. Are you his guardian."
Kakashi numbly shook his head,"his name is...was Sasuke Uchiha...his parents and family were all murdered some years ago.."
"Oh...so this was the young Uchiha..it's a shame."The medic muttered before squeezing his shoulder and leaving.
"Sasuke..."Kakashi pulled down his mask and untied his Konoha hitai ate leaf in respect.
o0o0o0o
Sakura tore past the protesting anbus and into the house, blanching when the smell of blood and death reached her nose. Gagging dryly, she stopped to close her eyes, stifling the sob rising in her chest.'Its ok...Sasuke's ok..'She stumbled forward, hitting something warm.
"Sakura..I don't think you should see.."Kakashi murmured, turning to embrace her.
Sakura bit into her lip, tensing,"Where is he?"
"Sakura.."
She broke from the circle of his arms and screamed and screamed and screamed..
o0o0o0o0o0o
Naruto walked down the streets, gazing curiously at the occasional injured person. He stopped at the Uchiha district, staring blankly at the anbus standing in his path.
"Uzumaki Naruto, Kakashi sensei said you should be allowed to pass."One stated emotionlessly, stepping aside.
The blonde looked at each of them before striding past, panic slowly causing him to increase his speed until he was running full tilt towards Sasuke's house. The stench of drying blood was enhanced by Kyubi's senses, he felt terror clench tightly around his heart, only tightening once he entered the already open doors of his friend's house.
Sakura turned to stare at him, hands over mouth as she heaved, screaming soundlessly with wide emerald eyes. Disturbed, Naruto started towards her only to stop when he spotted the tensed form of his sensei standing in the doorframe of the room.
"Ka-..Kakashisensei..what?.."He looked past his teacher and saw no more.
o0o0o0o0o0o0o
There you are..a little sequel since Im bored to death. Reviews please?-gaara's puppy dog eyes-
