SURVIVOR: HOGWARTS
BY MYRTLE THE TYRTLE
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A/N: I had been planning to do this for some time now, and here it is! I know there are already some HP/Survivor crossovers on FFNet already, but this one will be even better because (a) nothing in this story is mine, and (b) I am not a real tyrtle! Happy reading and reviewing!
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It was that time again: Harry was sitting with Ron and Hermione at their House table in the Great Hall for their very last Sorting Ceremony. But before they could see the new first years, Professor McGonagall had an announcement for the very few students who remained.
"Welcome back to Hogwarts! We are small in numbers this year, but hopefully large in spirit! I would now like to announce your new Headmaster for this year, Professor Jeff Probst!"
Everyone applauded as the new Headmaster took the stage, and Professor Flitwick and a small line of first-years came through the heavy wood doors. arrHHHHHHarry could see several of them looking extremely worried, and it brought back memories of his sorting…
But suddenly! A large crash and several yells were heard from outside the hall. There were also loud roars. Harry knew them well…
And in the next moment, in flew seven Hungarian Horntail dragons, all rode by Lord Voldemort and his Death Eaters.
Professor McGonagall raised her wand, but soon found that she could not open her mouth to say a spell. Voldemort had cast a vast silencing charm on all people in the hall (other than Himself and the Death Eaters).
"Aha!" he cried. "I've done it this time! I've actually managed to overcome a handful of teachers past their use-by date and a school of students who can't tell the difference between Wolfsbane and Monkshood! Now I will kill them all, especially that toffee-nosed twerp Harry Potter!"
"Not so fast!" came a deep voice. Everyone turned to look at a wall covered with paintings of dead people. They soon saw that it was Albus Dumbledore that was doing the talking.
"Dumbledore!" hissed Voldemort.
"Tom!" cried Dumbledore. "You can't do kill these students! When I died I placed a spell on the school that will not allow anyone to kill a student while they are in the grounds. I also cast a spell preventing any student from leaving, except under extremely unlikely circumstances, like being voted off of a popular Muggle game show."
"What about the teachers?" asked Voldemort. "Can I kill them?"
"Um, well actually..." Dumbledore stalled for time.
"Avada Kedavra!" the many cries echoed around the room, and all the teachers lay dead on the ground (except for the new Headmaster who had dived behind his chair at the first sign of trouble).
"OK, so now that the meddling teachers are out of the way, how do I get the students?"
Dumbledore sighed. "You never did listen much, did you Tom? All you need to do is stage a game show and then as the students are voted off you just need to kill them as they leave the school. Er, I shouldn't have told you that."
"Right then! Let's play SURVIVOR!" Voldemort cackled, and said in a stage whisper: "its ironic because they need to survive! Hehehe!" Talking normally, he announced: "we need a host! I'd volunteer but I'd rather kill the students. And I'm not letting any Death Eaters do it because they all hate me and would make all the kiddies I hate stay in the game and get immunity so I can't kill them, like that meddlesome Harry Potter. They'd deliberately make him win so he can't be killed because I know that deep down, they really love him and hate me and want him to survive so he can kill me after he's destroyed all my Horcruxes. Not that I have any, heh heh. Um, so, anyway, to get back on the subject, who will I pick?"
The new headmaster meekly came forwards. "I was the host of thirteen Muggle SURVIVOR shows before I took up the position here, so could I…?"
"NO! Only Lord Voldemort will make the decisions! And I pick… you! Muggle headmaster! You will host my game show and help me pick the final contestants!"
"V-very well. Step into my office…"
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several hours later…
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"OK we have selected the final twenty students. The rest of you will have to leave the school now and be murdered before the eyes of your peers," declared the Dark Lord.
"Right, so we've got it down to houses, OK? And representing Gryffindor House will be Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Neville Longbottom and the two Weasleys. Representing Hufflepuff House will be Ernie McMillan, Hannah Abbot, Zacharias Smith, Justin Finch-Fletchley and Susan Bones. Representing Ravenclaw House will be Luna Lovegood, Michael Corner, Anthony Goldstein, Terry Boot and Mandy Brocklehurst. Finally, the Slytherin team will be Draco Malfoy, Vincent Crabbe, Gregory Goyle, Pansy Parkinson and Millicent Bulstrode."
The chosen twenty made their way up to the stage, stepping over their ex-teachers as they came upon them.
"Right!" called Voldemort. "You lot that aren't good enough to play for your survival: follow me, so I can kill you!" He flew off on his dragon, followed by the other Death Eaters and the remaining students.
Only Jeff Probst and the chosen twenty were left in the Hall.
"OK, I just want to say I'm sorry, and good luck. Oh, and Harry's going to win this so don't vote him off."
"What?" there was a general cry of disgust. "You can't pick a winner!"
Jeff looked puzzled. "Why not, I've done it on every other SURVIVOR I've hosted." Upon seeing the other contestants' glum faces, he relented. "Fine, I'll make it a fair contest."
With that comment, Voldemort came back in alone, gliding slightly above the ground.
"For my first decision as the director of the show, I announce that your first challenge is to find as much food as you can for the next 39 days using NO MAGIC. If my Death Eaters detect a single bit of magic, you will be eliminated instantly. You are allowed to use any part of the castle, except another House's commonroom. And you must travel in your House Tribes. Now, presenter: present the contestants with the information I just informed you of so they can contest who gets the food to eat."
Jeff repeated the Dark Lord's request, and the twenty teenage wizards and witches set out on their quest for food, which was (of course) the first part of their dangerous struggle for the title of SOLE SURVIVOR! (additional prizes include 1,000,000 Galleons and the extra-special bonus prize of not being murdered by Lord Voldemort or a Death Eater in the first three days after winning the show).
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A/N: Now you've read my crazy and completely un-canon story, please leave your thoughts on it in a review (link is at bottom of the page). While you review, please try to remember the three K's of reviewing: Konsideration and Konstructive Kriticism. Please don't rip my story apart, just tell me how to make it better.
MYRTLE
