Just a little fic inspired by the series of Susie/Calvin Valentine strips...


Susie was a really sweet little girl. She got all As, she was quiet and her room was always neat, she did her chores without complaining, she had tea parties with her stuffed bunny.

She was a goodie-goodie.

And she was also incredibly lonely at her new school. None of the other kids would talk to her, because she had a reputation as a teacher's pet. It sucked.

And then Calvin got back to school.

He waltzed in, explaining all about how he'd missed school the past week because he'd been kidnapped by aliens in his backyard, and they'd taken his bone marrow, which was why his bones were now hollow like a bird and he could fly. He'd flown all the way to school, with his mom driving her car underneath him with a trampoline on the top in case he fell.

Miss Wormwood and the principal both walked around looking sort of sad, as if an unexpected vacation had been cut short. Other kids laughed at Calvin's stunts, but none of them talked to him, and Susie didn't either. She didn't want to associate with someone so stupid.

But their lockers and desks were next to each-other, and they lived on the same street, so when it came down to it, she had no choice. And once Calvin noticed her, there was no going back. He decided that he didn't like her, and set out to torment her, and Susie's life was never the same again.

Tacks on her chair, gum in her hair, whoopee cushions, really gross lunch descriptions, fanciful stories wherever she turned, snowballs, mudballs, spitballs, gumballs, rubber-band balls, hair-pulling, name-calling, cheating off of her, delivering gross 'presents' to her door… The list went on.

And Susie got mad. She fought back, betraying her neat and quiet nature. She even got sent to detention once, which was terrible. But there were other changes, things that took her longer to notice, but, once she did, were much more shocking.

Ever since Calvin had started the torture, even though Susie was really as much of a goodie-goodie as ever, people talked to her more. She was no longer the outcast. It was great. Conversations almost inevitably involved complaining together about Calvin, and how annoying he could be.

Suddenly, people liked her.

One day, after a shouting name-calling fight, Susie realized: Calvin had saved her. Whether it was on purpose or not, he'd saved her from being the loser, the outcast; saved her from being like him. And although he generally didn't seem to care, even seemed to prefer it that way, Susie had the sneaking suspicion that he was kind of lonely.

He was ridiculously attached to his stuffed tiger, after all. And although Susie adored Mr. Bun, she didn't bring him to school in an attempt to scare Moe away. Although Moe actually left her alone; Calvin was his main target. But that wasn't the point.

She didn't hate him, and she felt sort of grateful.

So Susie started hanging out with Calvin more, watching him and interacting with him, and trying to understand him. He was actually really smart; she was positive that he could get straight As if he wanted to, but he didn't. One day he told her why. "I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep everyone's expectations."

Something about that statement was really sad, but Susie didn't say anything about it. And eventually, she found herself drawing away from all the other kids that had started being nice to her after Calvin was mean, and hanging out with Calvin himself instead. He often refused her company, and more often than not she'd go home angry and dirty, but at least Calvin was genuine.

Then Susie started to notice odd things about Calvin, stuff that didn't really make sense for her to notice. She got excited when she faced the prospect of seeing him, and didn't want to leave, despite how crazy he could get. She actually missed him when his family went on a camping trip, even though they were only gone for the weekend.

And then Susie figured it out.

She not only liked him, but she liked him. Liked, liked.

And that was why she was overjoyed when he sent her dead flowers on Valentine's day, even if all she did was throw a snowball in his face. It was proof she'd been trying to find (or at least hoping for) for quite a while.

He likes me!

Likes, likes.