Summary: There was no need for goodbyes, no need for exchange of words; just a letter filled with emotions. Action would come next, before all one can feel is emptiness. This isn't a story which holds any meaning, only regret which lingers.


Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara, just messing around with the ideas in my mind.


WARNING:

Character death, suicide


Unrequited

There was no need for the exchange of words face to face; a letter filled with words could do the job. This way, there was no need for second thoughts nor doubts. Maybe he was being selfish by doing something like this. But for once, Shizuo wanted to be selfish; didn't want to hear what people thought of, wanted to accomplish.

What was his objective of doing all these? Nothing; rather, it was just simple and convenient. Saved him from all the troubles that might have happened.

"Hahaha...I wonder when it started..." Shizuo murmured softly, tilting his head as he watched the blood which flowed out of his self-caused wound. Was this what people called suicide? It had to be. With a sigh, Shizuo turned towards the wide, blue sky.

The thought of wishing that he could be reborn as a bird, crossed his mind. With a small smile, Shizuo dismissed that thought. The blonde wasn't the kind to believe in reincarnation, as it was something which one could only find in fairy tales – but this was called reality, one all so cold and cruel.

If this was a fairy tale, reincarnation would still be impossible either ways; after all, he was a monster, and monsters weren't meant to exist in this world; weren't meant to care; weren't meant to fall in love.

"Is that even called love?" Shizuo whispers to the bird which was not so far from him. The bird crooked it head before taking small hops towards him. When it stopped, it looked into his mocha brown eyes, as if it was answering his questions. It wasn't long before it took a quick turn around, searching for something.

"What are you trying to find?" Shizuo ask the bird which threw him a quick glance. The blonde silently wonders if the bird could really understand the words he was speaking of. Just the thought itself made the blonde chuckle.

The bird let out a chirp, one which was neither too high nor low in pitch. As soon as it did that, it crook its head once again. And before the blonde had the chance to ask another question, the bird spread it's wing wide open and flew away.

"Ha...what am I trying to do?" Shizuo breath softly as his sight began to become foggy and body went numb. At first, he thought that death would come simple as all he needed to feel before he disappeared was his body slowly but steadily got colder. But he didn't feel himself losing any heat, only felt his mind go blank as everything began to lose meaning.

"Oh...right..." the blonde whispers as he recalled what he had asked himself – 'When did such things, emotions began to grow within him'. Did such emotions began to grow within himself ever since their first meeting? Or was it because of how his hatred was slowly turned into affection through the years? Were those questions which possessed the answer he wanted?

Did they even posses any answers, or just something that would continue to linger till his final breath?

Shizuo closed his eyes, feeling a weird sensation grip his chest as he felt the urge of grabbing the letter written and shred it into pieces. It didn't take the blonde to realize that he regretted the actions of writing that letter. Maybe it would have been better if he had never even written down his thoughts and feelings.

However, a part of him felt at peace for doing such a thing which wasn't like him at all. Maybe he just wanted the informant to know his feelings – whether they were going to be made fun of or not. Either it was that, or he wanted to a final impression on that flea.

As much as he searched for the meaning behind his actions, thoughts and emotions, everything seem rather meaningless. But he knew the prefect reason for the actions he had just done not so long ago – to cut his wrist.

Each that which passed seemed painful had hard as those chest of his tightens. It made the air he breath felt like thousand of needles which stabbed his lungs whenever he was chasing after the informant. Made him long to touch, to hold and to even...

"Monsters can't love...he said so..." Shizuo murmured. "So what I felt can't be love." He continues. But he couldn't help but to wonder if it wasn't love, then what was it? What conditions could fit, explain the things he felt?

"But it's love." Shizuo smiles as those words left a bitter aftertaste in his mouth. But he didn't care.

Since monster couldn't love, and he was a monster, maybe through death he could become human. It was silly, ridiculous and impossible. But the more Shizuo thought about it in such a way, the more those thoughts began to gain meaning. Through death, he could prove to the flea that he wasn't immoral nor a monster. That he could die just like the informant's beloved humans.

Maybe through that split second of his death, he could at least receive at least the slightest love from that flea. Just the thought of it, lifted all the pain from his chest and filled them with a sensation which gave joy to him.

"With this, I can at least be loved by him, even if it's only for a spilt second." Shizuo whispers in an inaudible voice that even his ears could catch. The blonde smiles as he felt his grip of reality slowly slipping away. But just as he was about to lose his conscious, the smile faded from his lips as he gathered all his strength to clench his fist and mouth a few words before everything turned black.

'But a monster is still a monster, even in death...'


A/N:

Before anyone gets the wrong idea, this isn't the end yet! IT CAN'T BE THE END! *cough* The point is that this fic would most likely be a three-shot/four-shot. So hell no, this isn't the end! Mainly because Izaya has yet to make his appearance...