A/N: Here comes another one shot, actually it's one shot for now I haven't decided yet, this entire story is told from Natalia's POV she kind off said goodbye to everyone she loves, it's a bit sad, my idea of what happened after "Mayday"… enjoy;)
Disclaimer: As always I don't own any of the CSI franchise or any of the characters, I wish owned them because if did Ryan and Natalia would've been a couple
Summary: Post "Mayday" Natalia is captured and she thinks about the people she loves the most and sais goodbye
I'll Be Missing You
Answer me…please…
I try to call him again but I get the same answer
Ryan please…answer me…
I can feel the water slowly starting to come through…no matter how hard I try to open it…I'm just not strong enough…I'm going to die here…I'm going to die and nobody will ever find me
Bad things always happening because of me…Horatio is hurt because of me and now I'm going to die here
Where is everybody don't they know that I'm trapped in here? Why isn't anybody coming to save me? I'm drowning…the water is coming through and I'm losing air…I can feel it…oh my g'd I'm going to die
What's going to happen to my mom when she'll find out that I died like…this is going to kill her
Mom I love you so much I'm so sorry that I never said that enough…it's been so long since last time I came to visit you and dad and I'm so sorry for this
Dad I know you don't agree with some choices I made in my life, you never loved Nick and you were right about him and even after everything that happened I still can't admit that, my pride not allowing me to…you never liked my job but deep inside I know that you accepted the fact that it's what I meant to do
It's harder and harder to breathe…is this how it feels when you're dying?
My two beautiful sisters I love you both so much you don't need me anymore, you never did actually you always did what was on your mind…it's not that I that much different
After all this time and after everything that happened this is going to end like this? Why? Six years I work in the lab, six years doing this working with the guys Horatio, Eric, Calleigh, Maxine, Walter and there was also Jesse and…Ryan I'm never going to see him again…this is the harder thing to accept
After all this time, coming to the lab, dating Eric, loosing Ryan because of this, betraying the lab, becoming a CSI, meeting Nick again, being accused of his murder, my sister being kidnapped, loosing Jesse, being kidnapped and now this…it's just going to end
This is how it feels like when you are loosing air and you can't breathe anymore…I'm loosing my life but I don't want to…
I always had two families my parents and sisters and the lab
Horatio…you were like a father to all of us…you never stopped believing in us not matter what we did, even after I betrayed your lab you still allowed me to become a SCI and helped me when I was falsely accused of murdering my ex-husband…thank you for everything and please don't blame yourself for this
Calleigh…when I first started working with you I thought that we are so different but I don't think like that anymore, we have a lot in common we're both women that trying too hard to make ourselves look invulnerable so nobody will thing that we are weak just because we are women and sometimes we make ourselves believe that we are invincible and…we are not, I mean look at me right now…I'm dying, Cal you are a great person, a good friend and a very good CSI
Eric…we always were better as friends then as a couple, dating you was a mistake not because you are a bad guy to date but because I never loved you and you never loved me and dating somebody you know you don't love is always bad but why are we doing that? Well because dating somebody you don't love is easier, that person can't hurt you that much, unlike somebody you do love… and thinking that way cost me because I've lost Ryan…anyway you were a good friend and a great guy I hope you'll have a nice life
Walter…you are a very good guy and a great CSI to work with, I'm sorry that you have to loose another friend just one year ago we lost Jesse
It feels like this car is moving up? Am I imagining?
This is it, no more air…I'm about to die
And Ryan…you will be the hardest one to leave, why? Because I love you…always have, and I owe you an apology…for allowing you to walk away six years ago, you thought that I wasn't interested in you but the truth is that I was, but I allowed my fears to take over me and I lost you…I'm so sorry, you're such a great guy, you deserve the best, over the years I tried to convince myself that the feeling that I have for you it's just strong friendship but it's not, I love you and I wish I have I had the chance to tell you that… I hope you'll find love the way you deserve…just please don't forget me
I even hearing your voice right now, that's how much I love you…you sound so real, are you rescuing me? I think it's too late…
It's getting darker and darker and the last thing I hear before I get disconnected from reality is your voice…
I'm done and I can't decide if it's good, bad or weird
I guess it's for you guys to decide
R&R
(I miss my episodes…no CSI Miami…:( )
Maria:)
