This was originally a part of another story of mine. As advised by one of my most beloved readers, it was an inappropriate storyline in a work supposedly about a family, so I cut it out from the original fic. Bless her squeamishness, and my overly ambitious heart. However Iggy didn't like it. He scares me when he gets angry. So I'm gonna get out of his way and let him tell his own story. Of course, seeing as he's one thermos short of a lunch box, I can't guarantee only the truth will come out. No, Iggy, don't look at me like that! Keep those claws off me! Heeeelp!


It's dark; so dark. I hide behind a large, potted plant, because sooner or later someone is going to notice me not being in my bed. This would derail all of my self-confidence training, as this is the moment I've been manning up for these last couple of months. It's ten o'clock at night. Mama goes to bed at nine, King Dad at eleven, while we Koopalings are put to bed at seven. Ludwig gets to stay up an hour longer, just because he's the oldest. I make sure to leave a greeting card. For instance, that hour is more than enough time for me to pay him back for calling me "Dummkopf".

Mama Koopa is resting. She must have fallen asleep while reading her book. I very quietly climb up and sit on the lower bedpost, because this is tough. Mama loves me. I know she does. She is always kissing me and holding me, and tells me how much she loves me even though I'm special in the head. She never uses harsh words or a stern voice, and she's there for me all day.

That's why I have to kill her.

Otherwise, their faces will change again. Because of that it's better to hide where it's dark. They can find you if you're in your shell, but not in the night itself. I giggle. I'm so smart I outfoxed them.

I look at her and I'm not afraid anymore. After all, she would want me to get rid of the nightmares no matter what. They have told me that she'll forgive me. I draw the blade and aim it at her neck. It's so close. I draw an imaginary X to mark the spot, but as I withdraw the knife to give the cut some momentum, she opens her eyes. It's too late.

"I do it all for you, Mama," I whisper. "Iggy loves his Mama."

Mama Koopa yelps, and her eyes widen, other than that she's not reluctantly accepting her fate. But King Dad heard her. I break the skin, and she bleeds, but nothing else happens before I suddenly find myself being lifted off my parents' bed.

"No!" I struggle against my father's grip and lunge at my mother with the knife. "I have to sacrifice Mama! Mama has to die!"

"What happened?" My father King Bowser asks as he pins me down on my side and takes the knife away. I'm terrified; now the faces will never leave me!

"Ah!" Mama's breath is heaving and she touches the cut on the side of her neck. "I don't know; I just fell asleep for a second and he was sitting there, with a knife to my face."

I struggle, which leads to further constraint. King Dad is so strong me fidgeting doesn't budge him one bit.

"Careful!" My Mama says to him. "He's just a little Koopaling. I'm sure he didn't mean it."

"Do you, now?" King Dad is always a little superior towards Mama Koopa. It seems as though she never notices. "Well, I think he's insane and should be locked away."

"No, no!" This genuinely upsets her, so she folds her hands. "No Koopaling of mine is going to be at the mercy of strangers."

But King Dad is unyielding. He makes me sit in the dungeon for six days this time. The last morning I wake up to find that the dungeon door is open. I silently creep upstairs to find the rest of the family eating breakfast and chatting like they always do. Lemmy waves at me; he had saved me a seat at the table even though I haven't eaten any meals with them for almost a whole week. We're very close, Lemmy and I. He brushes toast crumbs off his round little belly and makes room for me.

As Koopalings, we have one rule among ourselves. If anyone is sent to the dungeon, we don't rub it in each other's faces afterwards. We pretend like nothing.

King Dad and Mama Koopa tell us to brush our fangs and meet up outside to warp to Koopergarten. I get up from my seat although I haven't eaten anything yet.

"No, Koopums," Mama says reluctantly. "You're staying home today. Lemmy too."

My brother looks at me, but I don't know what to say.

Kamek is the old Magikoopa who takes care of us. Not only us Koopalings; he also helps King Dad when he's on a business trip, and looks after Mama when the stork comes to the castle. Today he bathes Lemmy and me. He is so good to us; he always knows how to make the bath water just right. He can wash your hair and never get soap in your eye – that's his specialty.

"I tell you, young Master Koopa. A good scrubbing makes an old Koopa look young again." He rinses the soap out of my hair.

"I only look wet," Lemmy says as he tries to make his Mohawk stand up.

Afterwards King Dad meets us in the portrait hall. I tug at his spiky cuff. "Why didn't we have to go to school?"

"Because you're gonna take a little trip… It'll be just us, Kamek and Boom Boom."

For some reason this day, I am not allowed to play on the Doomship's deck. We have to stay at the bridge. Lemmy has his circus ball with him, so I watch as he plays around. The faces never bother me when I'm with my brothers. They're all so nice to me. Except for Roy; he gives me swirlies.

Doomship trips can be boring if it's rainy outside, but I see that the weather is fine… Wherever we are.

"Mama, are we in the Real World? There are no note blocks anywhere here?" I stare out the window. Mama Koopa, who has been playing cards with Kamek and King Dad, takes my hand and takes me to the sofa in the corner.

"Are you tired, son?" She asks and run her gentle claws through my hair. According to her, I have inherited my Uncle Ignatius' hair.

"No," I say. She nods, and goes to the stove. I can't really see what's she's making, but she comes back with two cups of tea and one glass of milk, because Lemmy doesn't like tea.

"Drink it," she says, "While it's hot."

I obey her. How can any Koopa disobey a Koopa lady who loves him? The tea tastes very good after a week in the dungeon, and I'm thirsty, so I drink it all.

"Good." Mama wipes my snout with a napkin.

Less than a minute after I've finish my tea I find that I'm exhausted. The room starts to spin hazily, and everything is fuzzy.

"Maaaamaaa," I groan. King Dad helps her, and they put a pillow under my head.

"You poisoned me."

Mama turns her head away at this accusation. King Dad shakes his head, but the only thing that's not a blur is his red hair.

"Son, we didn't poison you. We're just trying to help you sleep."

He's afraid of me. Far be it from me to imagine why.

It's as if there's a sweet little melody playing in my head, so my decision is to follow it. It takes me further and further away from the light until my eyelids betray me and there is nothing more than darkness.

When I wake up, I'm no longer aboard the Doomship; I'm in a hospital bed. It has to be, because the sheets, pillowcases and blankets have had all their cottony softness bleached and boiled right out of them without fabric softener.

There is a strange Koopa lady sitting at the bed's side. She smiles; a little too friendly.

"Hello, Iggy." She folds her hands in her lap. "I'm Dr. Clawdia. Welcome to Freaky Fred Memorial."

My left eyelid is still prone to treachery, so it twitches. "Where's King Dad? And Mama?"

"Right down that hall, dear. They didn't want to leave without saying goodbye."

I climb out of bed. Dr. Clawdia has even put me in a hospital gown as squeaky clean as those awful sheets. My parents are talking to a Medikoopa, which I think is fascinating. Medikoopas are so rare, and so relaxing to look at.

It flies away however, when it sees me. King Dad lifts me up, tousles my hair and puffs hot air and smoke on me, like we Koopas do when we meet someone we care about. It's so nice; the roasting breath warms up every inch of me. I thank him by growling. I am then handed me to Mama, who kisses me.

I love her arms around me. "I'm so relieved the doctor made a mistake. You were here all along."

"We love you, son," Mama says.

"That's why we've decided to let you spend some time here." King Dad rests his hands on Mama's shoulders.

I shake my head in disbelief, then, as I realize they're serious I embrace Mama by her hips; refusing to let go of her.

"No! You can't leave me here. I don't live here; I live with you!"

"I'm sorry, son, but this was not our decision." King Dad lies to me; I'm sure of it. He's a terrible, yet frequent liar.

Somehow Lemmy has gotten past the Lucite double doors, and he runs up to me, reaching into his shell.

"You shouldn't be here all alone," he says, and looks at me, although his eyes are staring in opposite directions. That's what he inherited from Ignatius. He pulls out his favorite doll, Mr. Muffin. Mama Koopa made one for each of us, but I sacrificed mine to the faces a long time ago. Lemmy's is especially cute; yellow peppermint in color and with pink cupcakes for cheeks. I hardly have time to say goodbye and thank you to him before the driven and oh, so professional Doctor Clawdia returns. She places her claws on my shoulder and leads me to the next door, which are also double.

Oh, Lemmy; we started out looking almost exactly the same. People even thought we were twins. And now, glance upon us. You, a thriving, round-bellied young Koopa with hopes and dreams. And I; withered and ugly, and as sallow as old paper. What the future has in store for me is unknown, but when life gives me stink bugs, I always make the tastiest stink bug Aid. It's one of those things who can always put a smile on my face.