Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, Fred Weasley, George Weasley, or Snape. Brian is my own creation, as is the plot. The moral is Ernest Hemmingway's.

Moral: Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.


It was a beautiful night in the beginning of May, and along the corridor of the Gryffindor common room a very festive and rather loud party was going on.
This was an all out completely wild graduation party held by some 7th year students.
Every one in the building knew what was going on, so when loud bangs and screams and streakers echoed across the lawns, no one paid them any heed.
Inside the Gryffindor common room there were two outgoing, fun to party with guys and one complete geek.
Fred and George Weasley were causing much of the ruckus that was occurring over the noise.
Standing next to them was Brian a very nerdy kid, who had never been to a party before.
George and Fred were trying to convince Brian to have a cup of firewhiskey, but being the law-abiding, perfect student Brian was putting up a lame fight.
Finally Forge and Gred forced the cup into his hand and made him chug the cup. When he was done Brian was surprised, "That was awethome! Gimme another!"

The night progressed in this pattern until around 1:00 AM, where George was getting bored of doing shots and Fred had returned from a strange absence.
"Why don't we play dare or double dare?" George exclaimed, slightly slurring his words.
"What's that?" asked Brian, who by now was cross-eyed from the shots of imported tequila, the one with the dead worm in it.
Gred and Forge looked at each other with shocked expressions, as if you insulted them personally.
"You have never heard of 'dare or double dare'? Ever?" they both asked simultaneously.
They continued on to explain the rules in a professional manor.
"It's played like 'truth or dare',"
" but a double dare you have to do the next time you're sober,"
"so they're normally held until the end of the game,"
"when no one remembers where they should sleep."
"We'll start," George said, "Fred, dare or double dare?"
"Dare. We'll start off easy for the wee one," he said pinching Brian's cheeks, like a grandmother would.
"I dare you to stand on your head and sing the national anthem."
The game continued on for a few more hours until they all passed out in the hall, the list of double dares in on the floor next to them.

Two days later around noon Fred and George finally woke up in the middle of the hall, with no recollection of how they got there.
"We're not in Mexico again, are we?" asked Fred.
"Well, if we are get some more tequila, that stuff is good," replied the ever- thirsty George.
They got up and started to wander around slowly, their heads were throbbing.
They finally realized they were not in Mexico, but in the dungeons, and headed to the great hall.
They found Brian sitting at the end of the table by himself, head in hand, moaning.
Glancing at one another, with identical evil grins on their faces, Gred and Forge slowly and silently snuck around him to his back and pounced on him, which evidently caused Brian to leap 2 meters off the bench.
When he calmed, they asked what the matter was and he shakily handed the list to them.
Again with identical looks, but this time of anguish, Fred and George read the list.
"So…who's going first?" asked Brian slightly scared, but you would be too if you saw what he agreed to do.
"First I think we should get rid of a certain number of these, like here it says 'swim to America' I think we can get rid of these."
For the next ten minutes the trio sat and crossed of most of the list, until they each had 1/8 of their original double dares left.
"Now what?" asked Brian.
"I'll go first," volunteered the brave, and slightly stupid Fred.
He looked down the list and poked at one at the top, "this one," he said with a nod and headed off to the grounds.
George and Brian looked at the list to see what he had to do. Fred had chosen to 'plump up the ferret'.
Out the window of the second floor bathroom, Brian and George could see a little bit of what was going on.
The ferret was of course Draco Malfoy. "Plumping" was a new spell the twins had created, and it wasn't pretty.

A half-hour later Fred returned to the common room where George and Brian were waiting for him, he was bruised and slightly limping, with a faint smile of victory on his purpling face. As a result of the most confused looks George and Brian were giving him, he explained what happened.


Fred hid in a bush near the edge of the forest and waited, where he knew Malfoy was going to walk past because he was coming from the quidditch pitch.
When Malfoy finally walked past, he was last because he had to look absolutely spiffy before leaving practice, Fred cast the spell.
It his Malfoy square in the back but he didn't notice.
Actually he didn't notice any change until he reached the stairs, he couldn't lift his swollen leg up to climb the stairs.
Harry who was lounging by the beech tree was reminded terribly of Dudley first trying to climb the stairs because Harry had stolen his cake and ran away with it.
After tripping over the first stair three times, Draco noticed something was wrong.
He took a step back and examined himself.
Seeing his body four times the size of his normal self and still growing, with odd wart-like growths sprouting from various places on his body, Draco screamed bloody murder.

Fred, greatly amused by the loud (natural) high-pitched noise coming out of Draco's mouth, rolled out of the bushed laughing.
Hearing the chortles of Fred Weasley, Malfoy pivoted on his spot, making Fred laugh even harder, and started to stomp towards Fred.
Yet, because he wasn't used to the extra weight and odd bumps unbalancing him, Draco fell and rolled towards Fred, who was paralyzed with laughter and didn't see the giant Malfoy-ball rolling at him until it was too late.
Like a snowball Malfoy picked Fred up and the two rolled down the embankment to the lake.
Every time he came around Fred saw the lake getting progressively closer and closer.
Just before they hit the water, Draco seemed to deflate. He hit a rock and popped.
With a slight hissing noise, the two slowed down until they came to a bumpy stop on the shore line.
Draco on top and Fred underneath, they mumbled and groaned trying to sort out their heads, it was a dizzying trip.
Finally Draco fell off from on top of Fred and managed to stumble two steps before falling.
Fred had more success, he stumbled all the way into the building.

Unfortunately he fell into Snape, how took 5 points off Gryffindor for messing up his cloak, and a detention because Malfoy was stumbling after him.


A/N: okay this was just a random story that came into my head so i wrote it down. originally it wasn't Harry Potter referenced, but i adapted it because i thought it would be cooler. (Trust me it's better here than in folklore form). So- tell me what you think- I'll love you forever and ever.