by Annie2000
RATED: T
DISCLAIMER: WAT is not mine
SUMMARY: Mrs. Fitzgerald has a lovely idea to raise money for the Veterans - she'll sell her son! Obviously!
THANKS: for you, my reader! I thank you from the bottom of my heart!
NOTES: as always, not suppose to be realistic nor loyal to the show, but it's suppose to be funny; it's like PWP (Porn Without Plot), except that, instead of Porn, it's CWP (Comedy Without Plot). It's just an excuse to make you laugh. I hope you enjoy reading it, because I sure enjoyed writting it.
One more thing: I'm brazilian, so I'm sorry for my every gramar mistake. I did my best, I swear!
ADVERTISING: you can also read my other fic When Martin forgets the cards...
REVIEWS ARE ALWAYS WELCOMED!!!
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PROLOGUE: Regina Fitzgerald's greatest idea ever
Of course the boys blamed Martin later, although they were never forced into that event. They didn't even had to ask "what's wrong, Martin?" when he walked in the bullpen with a grumpy expression that friday morning just to hear him complain: "To start with, I have mean, tricky parents."
"Oh, they're in town." Sam said, nodding her head, remembering Martin mumbling something about spending a hellish evening in the Country Club with Mr. and Mrs. Fitzgerald.
"Yes, they are, and we just had dinner last night. Wanna hear the news? They want to sell me."
Martin did not seem to catch the awkward moment of silence echoing between the glass walls and turned to his desk angerly as the girls and Danny stared at each other, waiting for an explanation. It did not come, so Elena leaned over a bit. "I'm sorry. Did you just say sell you?"
"Who'd sell you?" Vivian frowned.
"More to the point" Danny chuckled. "Who'd buy you?"
The other man ignore Danny's last comment - actually, he decided to ignore Danny at all - and faced the girls. "You know how politician wives work? Their lives go around charity; they're always organizing events to raise money for charity. Save the whales, feed the hungry, hug your special agent today..."
"Hug your special agent today?" Sam repeated.
Martin closed his eyes, painfully. "Please, don't make me go there, I can't afford therapy again. It was a White Collar thing."
"Well, you were saying politician wives and charity..." Elena tried to help, poking Danny so he'd stop laughing.
"My mother is the wife of a Deputy Director of the FBI - we all agree it means politician. Mommy Fitzgerald spends her awake hours being good with less fortunate people."
"What a good way to spend your time." Martin threw Vivian an impatient look. "That's not... good, that's bad... I'm just not sure why."
"She's organizing this event, this... 'Put a Roof Over the Veterans' or whatever event for the past four months, and it's going to happen tomorrow night. They'll have this wonderful, expensive dinner in their Country Club for high society people and all the money raised will reform the Veterans' Home in Washington."
"Wait, if it's in Washington, why are they having the dinner here?" Samantha asked, confused.
"Apparently, New Yorkers are better buyers, and they'll have an auction."
"Nice! What are they selling?"
"A boat, jewelery, trips to Europe, cars... and bachelors." And then he stared at the team, waiting for them to do the math. Danny needed to say it out loud to understand, as much to enjoy it.
"So, they'll sell bachelors."
"Yep." Martin nodded, crossing his arms and leaning back on his chair with an annoyed expression on his face.
"Like, have a dinner with your bachelor thing?"
"Expensive, fancy dinner at the Country Club sunday night. From eight to midnight."
"What if we stop eating sooner?"
"The bachelor is all yours for the rest of the night."
"And the woman can do whatever she wants?"
Carefully, Martin thought about that word, 'whatever' and it's meanings. They couldn't do whatever they want... but then again, there wouldn't be a contract saying 'you can't touch your bachelor'. "Virtually, yes, whatever they want. For four hours."
"Hm-hm..." Danny smirked, interested. "And you are going to be a precious iten at this auction, is that it?"
"No, apparently, I'm suppose to be there and be supportive with my mother's hard work. But obviously my father will come to me and say: 'Martin, son, we have a problem, and we need another bachelor, can you please sell yourself to old rich skanks?'."
"Oh, Martin, they just want you to be there for your mother."
"Viv, I know my parents." He said, emphatically. "They do this kind of stuff. How do you think I ended up hugging old ladies all day?" He sat up straight and said, with what was suppose to be - but was not at all - Victor Fitzgerald's voice: "Son, your mother needs another agent for the 'Hug your special agent today' event she worked so hard. Can't you be a little supportive, Martin?" and then he moaned and sank aginst his chair.
Samantha tried hard not to laugh as she said: "Martin, it's not a sure thing your father will do that to you. And even if he does so, it's for charity."
"Hey, they could donate the money themselves, they do not need the money my body could get them."
"Yeah, I mean, what can you buy with US$2,00 anyway?"
Martin reached out for his scissors and was already getting up to stab Danny on his eye when Vivian came in. "C'mon, Martin, Sam is right. They'll probably sell the other bachelors and none is going to notice you."
"But if they do need me, I'll be at the mercy of single women from the world capital of bachelorettes."
"Man has a point." Elena smiled, her voiced muffled by her hand, trying to repress a laugh.
"You know what you could do, Martin?" Danny suggested, with a kind voice. "You could give money to the girls and take them to the charity - the money you'd probably have to donate to support the cause anyway, since you're the organizer's son -, so, if they do call you, they can buy you, and everything is ok."
And than, Martin seemed to finally relax, realizing Danny just had the best idea ever. "Danny, that's good! Wait, are you inviting yourself next?"
"Of course I'm inviting myself! And if the girls have no money to buy you, and you end up with a rich old lady saying 'who's your mamma, Agent Fitzgerald? Who's your mamma?' I'm so going to laugh. But you're probably pretty cheap, so I don't see it happening."
"Charity is US$145,00." Martin said, coldly.
Danny just smiled. "It'll worth every cent."
Vivian was the firsth to say: "You know what, it does sound fun. Count on me."
"You're married." Martin said.
"I won't take you home if I buy you. It's just for the charity." After a short pause, where Martin gave another look, she added: "Ok, I'm hoping for the rich mamma. But I won't let her buy you, I promisse."
"I'm going to." Elena joinned. "Not only for the fun; they are probably selling hot young wealthy men, I mean, it is high society. What? Don't tell me it did not cross your mind."
Sam - who was staring Elena in shock - considered for a moment and then nod. "Point taken. I'm going to, but just to save your ass."
"Oh, you don't spend money with men." Danny smiled.
"No, I'm a blonde. It's the other way around."
The girls laughed and Martin moaned even louder. "Oh, great! My humiliation is now public!" He spread his arms and turned to face the other agents of the office. "Does anyone else wants to see me embarrassing myself saturday night? It's US$145,00 only!"
"Sure, why not?" Jack said, walking in.
"UGH!"
The boss followed his agent with his eyes as Martin walked away from the team, wich was laughing as loud as possible. He turned to hand Vivian a few files. "What did I miss?"
