A/N: Okay so I know I've got two active stories I'm working on, but I couldn't help myself. Dickie has been my favorite Robin in YJ for the longest (Tim is vague and Jason's only been displyed as a holograohic image in the Grotto. S'far as I know, Damian still ain't Robin and m'cool with that. (*cough* Not the biggest fan of the brat *cough* )) and... Again, I couldn't help myself. *Insert sheepish grin* This chapter s'a bit odd, but the rest won't be like this one. They'll probably have some like this sprinkled in, but they won't all be like this. (Maybe this is a one-shot. We shall see, my friends ;)
Bold with a name in front (ex. Dick: or Tim:) is text messages. Italics are thoughts.
I really hope you enjoy!
Reccomended Song: All We Do by Oh Wonder
WARNING: Suicidal Actions/Thoughts, Depressing Thoughts. I'll seperate the parts with the Suicidal Actions with |~oOo~| for those of you who are uncomfortable with that type'a stuff.
Would They Even Care?
Matthew 19:30 - But those who are last wil be first, and those who are first will be last.
All we do is hide away.
All we do is, all we do is hide away.
All we do is chase the day.
All we do is, all we do is chase the day.
When one thinks of Dick Grayson - when one thinks of Nightwing, they think of someone cheerful, happy, kind, and uplifting. They think of someone who has defied gravity so often it's normal. They think of someone invincible, untouchable, unbreakable. They think of their strong leader. They think of the other Bats.
So when they berated him; when they yelled at him for the secrecy - for the lies - they didn't think he'd be affected by it too much. They must've thought the ex-Robin and current leader of the Young Justice team would be able to shrug it off. So when he called, they blocked him. When he texted, they ignored it. They figured he probably wanted to just yell at them for doing something wrong on a recent mission, not try and apologize. They didn't think Nightwing would bother trying to explain himself - he was a Bat after all.
But they were wrong in their assumptions. They were wrong to think of Nightwing - of Dick - as anything above human; as anything that cannot be fazed by words. As anything that cannot be broken by words.
They were painfully wrong.
All we do is lie and wait.
All we do is, all we do is lie and wait.
All we do is feel the fade.
All we do is, all we do is feel the fade.
Dick stared at the bottle of painkillers in his hand; glanced over at the knife in his other one. The pill bottle had directions but... Why would Dick need them? He knew how much he should take, and knew when to take them.
He felt numb, truth be told. It was no secret that Nightwing wore his heart on his sleeve, so different from the second Robin, who wore his heart on his cheek (A/N: If you don't know that meaning, Google it. It helps to understand), and the third Robin, who resembles the Batman more than his predecessors. Nightwing has always been a very emotional type of person, constantly needing some form of physical affection. Whether it be a hug, kiss, or a simple caring touch, the first Robin had craved it.
And it hurt when they all screamed at him, cursed him, damned him for the decisions he made. They... They didn't understand and wouldn't listen when he tried to explain. All of a sudden, Nightwing had been blacklisted. Nobody called him for back-up, nobody called him for info, nobody asked him for even so little as a favor.
And it - all of it - took it's tole. Batman went missing and Gotham was thrust into chaos, the League needed him more than ever, Blüdhaven still needed Nightwing, and he had to be there for Tim, Damian, and Jason. Not to mention his responsibilities as the Team's leader. All of the responsibilities... Being Batman came first. Batman made the difficult decisons that nobody else would. Batman showed no regret for his choices. Batman was a confident leader that nobody dared doubt.
...Dick couldn't be Batman like Bruce had been.
Now Dick was alone, except for Tim, Dami, and Jay, who stood by his side throughout it all. But... It wasn't enough. The regret and pain and... and the remorse Dick felt because of what the Team had every right to accuse him of - what Wally had the right to accuse him of... It was eating him up alive and Dick couldn't take it anymore.
He was choking; drowning, in it all. And...
And he just wanted it all to stop. To go away.
I've been upside down,
I don't wanna be the right way 'round.
Can't find paradise on the ground.
I've been upside down,
I don't wanna be the right way 'round.
Can't find paradise on the ground.
Dick put the pill bottle down. Maybe he shouldn't do this... Tim would beat himself up over it, Damian would be pissed, and Jason... Dick wasn't sure how Jason would react. Would the wayward Bat even go to his brother's funeral? Dick supposed it would be okay if he didn't. After all, the eldest hadn't attended Jason's when he'd died. Maybe they'd be torn up over it. Dick didn't want them to feel bad...
But he wanted to be selfish. Dick was always thinking about others and just this once he wanted to do what he wanted. Dick wanted to do what he needed to.
...What he needed to do.
To make the pain go away.
All we do is hide away.
All we do is, all we do is hide away.
All we do is chase the day.
All we do is, all we do is chase the day.
Dick couldn't see the bright side of anything anymore and... It scared him.Terrified him, to be precise.
But nobody cared, and he was tired of being afraid. Tired of being in pain. Exhausted of trying to push on; of trying to chase the day.
In a final act of... of... Regret? Dick grabbed his phone and texted Roy. Roy was the only one of his friends who hadn't abandoned Dick; the only one who tried to understand and forgave his long-time friend.
Dick: Hey, R. Been like, what, a few days since we've talked? Heh. Nice that someone other than the Bats care. I guess we've always been like brothers, though, right? I wouldn't know, I guess, but I hope so.
Dick: Anyways. I wanted to know if you could talk to the Team for me..? Y'know, tell them that I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry for lying to them. I'm sorry for not telling them the plan, and I'm sorry... I'm sorry for...
Dick: Existing.
Dick: ... But I'll right one wrong, I guess. Heh. Yeah. Tell them they won't need to worry about seeing me again. And my brothers... Blackbird, Red Robin, and Red Hood... Tell them it wasn't their fault. That there wasn't anything they could do (and there's nothing you can do either, Roy, but it's okay) and it's not their fault (or yours). Its not. I just... Everything's been piling up and...
Dick: I'm tired, Roy.
Dick: It's rude of me to ask this of you without telling you something too right? Well, Roy, there isn't much I can tell you except a huge thank you. Thank you, for being there for me when I needed you most. Thank you, for being like an honorary brother.
Dick: Thank you.
|~oOo~|
Dick turned his left wrist to face upwards, pressing the tip of the frseshly sharpened blade to the underside of his forearm, having put the phone down. Applying pressure, Dick didn't so much as wince as the blade pierced his flesh. Blood instantly began running down the length of his arm, stopping at his elbow where it began to pool and drip from.
Nightwing dragged the blade downwards, opening the small puncture wound to a large slit in his arm.
|~oOo~|
All we do is play it safe.
All we do is live inside a cage.
All we do is play it safe.
All we do, all we do.
I've been upside down,
I don't wanna be the right way 'round.
Can't find paradise on the ground.
I've been upside down,
I don't wanna be the right way 'round.
Can't find paradise on the ground.
Dick had nothing left to live for. Maybe he had people to live for, but, again, he... Dick wanted to be selfish just this once.
Dick needed to be selfish just this once. Maybe he sounded like a broken record, but essentially... That's just what he is.
Broken.
All we do is hide away.
All we do is, all we do is hide away.
All we do is chase the day.
All we do is, all we do is chase the day.
He's tired.
He's hurting.
He wants it to end.
All I did was fail today.
|~oOo~|
He pressed the blade down harder before lifting it. Blood dripped down the knife and Dick watched as it dripped down the sharpened edge.
Dick swapped hands the blade was in, turning his right wrist upwards and dragging the blade down the length of the underside of his forearm.
|~oOo~|
All I wanna be, is whites in waves.
Dick tossed the blade out of the bathtub he was sitting in. He watched the blood flow from his arms with every move they made lazily.
Distantly.
He grabbed the pill bottle.
It's funny. Dick just wanted to... disappear. He wanted to simply fade away, out of everyone's lives. All he did was make them worse anyways, right? Think about it! Even his brothers' lives! For Jason, he'd failed as a brother. For Tim, he'd failed as a brother. Again. He chose Damian over Tim. Even Damian he'd failed. For Damian, he left. He just stopped going to see the kid recently. Cass... Geez, Dick couldn't remember the last time he'd seen his sister.
He failed.
That's... All he can seem to accomplish.
He failed.
Failed at what he swore to try his hardest at.
Family.
All I did was fail today.
Dumping the contents of the bottle into his palm, Dick blinked at the small pile of circular pills. Advil is supposed to be the best, right? The best pain-reliever? Maybe this would do it the quickest, then.
Tossing the now-empty bottle of pills after the blade, Dick tipped his head back.
|~oOo~|
Sliding his eyes shut, Dick slid the blood-covered pills into his mouth. It was rather difficult since there were so many, but with the metallic tang of blood filling his mouth (from the pills which had been soaked in the liquid), Dick swallowed them.
Wincing at the feeling, Dick tried for the waterbottle to his left. It was hard to get a good hold on the bottle since his fingers were slicked with blood and what-not, but eventually, Dick managed to grab it and twist the cap off. Pouring some water in his mouth, Dick washed down the pills and blood.
|~oOo~|
All we do, all we do.
Dick slid down into the tub deeper; exhaustion overcoming him. Must be the blood loss. Oh well.
At least now he'd be free.
At least now they know I can break too.
