A Note From Ben: This is the first story I've written outside of the South Park fandom. I've always had an interest in Hey Arnold, and I still consider it one of the best shows ever made. I hope you enjoy this story. Those of you who have me on your author alerts might be surprised to actually find that I DO write other things. Ha, ha, ha.


All The Ways I Want You

By Ben Barrett

Chapter One – The Dream

I love you, Arnold.

The words echoed through her mind like a mantra.

I love you so much.

Helga G. Pataki was running through a dark hallway full of stone Arnold statues, all as tall as an office building. She knew, somewhere within the recesses of her mind, that this was a dream; it had to be. Still, she kept running down the hallway, under the intense stare of a thousand stone football-headed boys. She knew if she could get to the end of it, just reach that dim light in the distance that never seemed to get any nearer, that she would find the real Arnold.

Then I can tell him, she cried to herself. I can finally tell him!

But this is all a dream, ain't it? another voice asked, one that sounded suspiciously like Stinky.

Suddenly, all the statues around her weren't Arnold anymore; they had changed to Stinky in the blink of an eye. He stared down at her from on high, that ridiculous grin of his plastered on his face.

No! she cried, no longer running, but looking forlornly upwards as if it would turn the statues back into Arnold again. Please! Not him!

She began to scream. She screamed and she screamed as the statues began to laugh at her and tell her she was sure purty, the purtiest thang they'd ever seen. She fell to her knees and bellowed her lament to the darkness above.

Arnold! Anold! she moaned. Oh, Arnold please come back!

As if in response to her cry, Arnold appeared farther down the hallway, mostly hidden by the darkness. As she jumped to her feet to run to him, he faded completely into the shadows. Helga dashed toward where she'd seen him, farther and farther on, but saw no further sign of him. This did not hinder her in the least, for surely if she ran a little farther, a little faster, she'd catch up to him.

Keep going Pataki, she told herself. Don't let him get away again!

She finally stopped and fell to the ground in frustration when she saw the statues change again. The stone goliaths no longer resembled Stinky; they actually looked like Eugene. She swore under her breath; how could she expect to find her beloved if the hallway kept changing itself? It was like being in some kind of funhouse, except, of course, she wasn't having fun at all. All she wanted was to catch Arnold and confess her undying love to him, finally.

If I can only get to him.

She got to her feet to begin the chase again, but before she could move a step, a rumbling sound began to fill the hallway. The ground beneath her feet began to shake violently, knocking her back to her knees and sending chunks of the ceiling plummeting downward. They crashed into the tile all around her, covering her with debris and dust.

Oh, I am going to die! she cried. I don't want to die here! Not without Arnold!

She struggled back to a standing position despite the movement of the ground beneath her feet. She ran farther down the dark and gloomy hallway, dodging chunks of plaster. If she got far enough along, maybe the hallway would change again; maybe it would stop whatever was happening.

She jumped to the side to avoid an extremely large piece of ceiling that smashed to pieces less than a foot from her. Shielding her face with her arms, Helga ran on faster than ever. She would not stop, would not rest, until she was safe in Arnold's arms. Then, they could walk out of this place arm-in-arm and never look back.

You're forgetting again, Eugene's voice told her, that this is a dream.

I don't care! she shot back. I don't care!

Up ahead, she saw—or thought she saw—a glimpse of someone in the distant darkness, beckoning her on. A surge of new hope welled up inside her, but at that moment a piece of ceiling the size of a car came crashing down in front of her. She jumped backwards to avoid it and tripped over her own feet. She landed hard on her tailbone, causing her to cry out in pain.

Relentless, she forced herself back to her feet and looked toward where she thought she had seen Arnold. No one was there, of course, and the ground was shaking harder than ever. On top of all that, her backside hurt almost more than she could bear.

How could it get any worse? she grumbled.

As if they could read her mind, the statues began to shake and rock on their platforms. Somewhere in the darkness either in front of her or behind her, Helga heard one fall to the ground with a thunderous crash, followed by another and another. Soon the ones near her began to lurch forward and crash against the floor. She tried to avoid them, but they were far bigger than the pieces of ceiling she had been dodging. Soon, they were falling all around her, each one assuring her as it hit the ground that it was okay.

Helga fell to her knees in tears. She pulled out the heart-shaped locket in which she kept her picture of Arnold and clutched it to her.

I'm so sorry, she said as one of the giant effigies of Eugene came down directly upon her….


"So you had that same dream again?" Phoebe said. "That is so weird."

They were standing in a deserted bathroom, where Helga knew no one would sneak up on them and discover her secret. She was always very discreet when discussing Arnold, except when she was humiliating or insulting him in public. Very few people knew that she loved him and she intended to keep it that way.

"I don't normally think much of dreams," Helga said, staring intently into a grimy mirror, her palms resting on the sink below. "But this one keeps coming back. I need to figure out why."

Phoebe looked down at the bathroom tile and rubbed her chin thoughtfully. There were several ways it could be interpreted, none of which would please Helga in the least. She knew she had to approach this delicately or risk seeing her lose her temper again.

"I think…it may mean that without Arnold, you feel your whole world would collapse."

"That's so true," Helga sighed in a dreamy voice, pulling out her locket. She stared at it longingly.

"It also means," Phoebe continued, taking a deep breath, "that you may feel Arnold is slipping away from you. Somewhere inside you, you know that every day you don't tell him is another day for him to get closer to someone else…like Lila."

Helga ground her teeth together at the mention of Lila's name. True, the little prissy had done her some favors in the past, but that didn't change the fact that she seemed to be closing in on Arnold. This was completely unacceptable in Helga's eyes and she would not tolerate it. If she had her way, oh the things she could do to Lila's pretty face…

"Are you listening?" Phoebe asked, a tad impatient.

"Huh?" Helga said turning her head to look at her friend, "Oh yeah, sorry Phoebe."

"What I was saying was that you need to tell Arnold how you really feel."

"Are you crazy?!" Helga bellowed.

Phoebe flinched a little, but didn't back down. Helga had asked her opinion on this recurring dream, had even pulled her aside and taken up her whole lunch period to talk about it, and she was going to give her exactly what she asked for!

"If you don't," she said, matching Helga's angry glare as best she could, "then you're going to lose him. I have a feeling Arnold may be onto you anyway, but he's not going to wait forever. Sooner or later, he's going to take an interest in somebody and, chances are, the way you treat him it's not going to be you."

The bell rang loudly, causing them both to jump in surprise.

"Sorry I took up all your lunch," Helga said, heading toward the door.

"Oh, that's okay," her friend replied, "this was important."

They walked out of the bathroom together and headed back toward their classroom, where Mr. Simmons would be expecting them very shortly. Neither of them thought to inspect the bathroom they went into to have their chat. They never considered, in their haste, to check each stall to make sure they were empty before discussing such private matters. Had they done so, they would have found Harold standing on top of a toilet, where he had fled to hide from Big Patty.


That's it for the first chapter. I hope you enjoyed it. I'll be back soon with another, I promise.