Soooooo... this is a Mass Effect story.
Just a heads up, I am obsessed with this game series. It is the most amazing thing ever invented. I have been reading fanfics for a while now, and I gotta say, some of them blow my mind.
I have always been the type to lie awake at night and think of how, if I was writing a story, would I finish it. When I had finished crying at the end of ME3 (and the whole fiasco with the endings was partially reolved). I got to thinking of what would happen next, as I am sure we all did.
I mean if Shepard didn't turn into a rainbow colour, where would he go from here?
But even better... where had he come from?
As a self confessed romantic gamer, any story I would come up with was going to involve a bit of Parmour, so I had that down pat. My favourite Shep, was with Ashley (don't kill me), so I had the characters.
He was Paragon, and so I had the thought pattern.
All I had to do was try to write it down, without losing hope.
So, to my immense suprise, I have developed a story in my brain, which I hope you enjoy.
If not... well, my tears were used up in the Citadel DLC.
Be warned, my first attempt at fanfic, but we all have to start somewhere right?
So... Lets go!
I own nothing
Prologue
The door slammed and the sound echoed through the room. The sound of a child crying made him turn to face it. His brother was the source of the noise, weeping into the threadbare carpet. 'Why!' his brother wailed. He felt nothing, it was the right thing to do. He knew it was the right thing to do, but he couldn't bear his brother's screams. Unsure and hesitant he paused before, reaching down to place a hand on his brother's arm. His brother exploded from the ground, wild and angry and hit him across the face. 'ITS YOUR FAULT! ITS ALL YOUR FAULT!' his brother screamed. He touched his face. Blood was dripping from his nose and onto his hand. Staining. Marking. By the time he looked up, his brother was gone.
Jarryd woke up with a start, heaving breaths in and of his chest. Everything was fine. His heart rate dropped, but sweat still coated his body. Ashley moved next to him, disturbed by his sudden jolt. He looked down at her and calmed himself. Everything was fine.
Still an uneasy feeling settled over him. He rose from the bed and made his way to the kitchen in search of a glass of water. Shepard was no stranger to nightmares; he had them a lot since the start of the Reaper War. But he hadn't had that one since before N7 training.
As he gulped down his water he walked to the large windows adorning their apartment on Earth. Construction was well underway, and all major cities on all planets were 90% up and running. A new age, they called it.
Of peace.
At least for some. Shepard found that even with the status and recognition that he and all crew of the Normandy now had, it still wasn't enough. Something was missing.
Slim hands slipped around his waist, and he felt Ashley rest her head on his back. He had woken her after all. 'Can't sleep?' she questioned sleepily.
'No' he replied simply, sighing as he turned in her embrace to face her.
'You know, you can always tell me what they are about' she said, referencing clearly to his nightmares.
'It was nothing' he said 'just a memory'.
Ash paused and they breathed together. He could feel her heartbeat on his chest.
'The Reapers are gone Jay. They won't come back'
'No' said Commander Shepard thinking about something else, countless years ago. 'They won't'
Chapter 1: War
'The hospital has been fully refurbished. The equipment is state of the art, with imports and upgrades from Serrice Council encompassing the full perimeter of the...' The asari matron's presentation of the Erin Lilly Maternity Ward was impressive and extensive in detail. Needless to say, Ashley was bored out of her mind. Shepard, however was completely engrossed in the description. Might think that he can get a few key quotes for his next speech, Ashley thought unkindly.
She was not in a good mood. As far as Ashley knew before she got pregnant, having a baby was simple enough. Nine months of weird body changes, odd appetites and mood swings and then delivery. And while she could bear with the swollen feet and giant belly, she could not stand for Shepard's insistence on making a thirty page report, complete with diagrams, birthing plan.
After all, they were having a baby, not waging a military artillery strike.
But she supposed she could put up with Shepard's nervous dad jitters, if it weren't for the fact that she could see he was unwell. He never recovered completely since he was dragged out from under that mound of rubble that was once a Citadel arm While he healed miraculously physically, the psychological damage was extensive. He hid it well; no one at their wedding would have thought that Shepard was anything but alive and robust. But Ashley woke up on the nights to find him sitting at the table, engrossed in something beyond his sight. The shadows under his eyes wouldn't fade and seemed to sit there in a permanent place. She was frustrated with him. He was a model husband and dad-to-be, always there when she needed him, getting her things, listening to her. That was the problem. He never shared any of his concerns or worries with her, in fear that it would make her upset. She was more annoyed with the fact that she couldn't even justifiably be mad at him. He hadn't done anything wrong per say.
But he was making her crazy. And that's why, regardless of justification, she was going to tell him tonight just what she thought.
Shepard walked out of the hospital to find Ashley sitting waiting for him on a nearby bench.
'So what do you think Ash? Pretty good huh?' Jarryd said smiling down at her.
She smiled back, but it was drawn and weary.
'I think that the upgrades definitely add something that the last one didn't have. If they...' he paused noticing her mood.
He knelt down to face her.
'Ash? You ok?'
Her gaze pierced him for a moment making him unbalanced, but then it softened.
'Nothing to worry about Skipper' she said calmly.
Not convinced the Commander continued. 'Is it the ward? Because if you don't like it just say the word. I've already got two others lined up and ready to go and I can send the birth plan to them right now and we can see them tomorrow and it...' his rattling stopped abruptly when Ashley placed a finger on his lips. She slipped her arms around his neck and leaned in and whispered softly.
'Everything you do for me, is perfect Shepard'
She rested her forehead on his and hesitated. 'I just wish...'
'What?'
She paused. 'Nothing, I'll tell you later'
Shepard was silent for a moment and then said. 'Today was pretty exhausting, how about we go home?'
Ashley huffed, stood up abruptly and then waddled aggressively towards the skycar muttering something that sounded like '...always treats me like glass...' under her breath, leaving a bewildered Shepard behind.
Pregnancy was confusing. He never knew half the time what to do, and Ashley always seemed mad.
Everyday. At him.
He sighed, and followed her to the car. Sometimes destroying the Reapers seemed easier than managing his wife's moods.
'So how is everything on your end sis? How's the hubby treating you?' Sarah asked her voice crackling over the vid screen.
Sarah was working in restoration on Rannoch. She had followed in their mother's footsteps and had a degree in Geology. After the final battle, Sarah had helped with the recovering wounded. Somehow, she had managed to get herself on a quarian liveship. It wasn't that much of a surprise really. While the quarian's immune systems were delicate still, even after the help of the geth, they simply did not have the numbers to successfully rehabilitate their own species' wounds.
While the geth were available in large numbers, and there was little risk of infection, they lacked a certain bedside manner that recovering soldier's required. So Sarah, being Sarah, had volunteered to help. Within no time, she and one of her quarian charges were going out to see the latest vids. A hop, skip and a mass effect jump away and they were living together on le boyfiend's homeworld. Ashley worried that they were going to fast, but soon remembered how happy Sarah was since Jarl'Antor came into her life. She had not been this happy since Thomas had died, and Ashley wasn't going to burst her bubble.
Besides, Jarl seemed like a nice young man, with a good enough aim to shoot anyone who came near her sister with bad intentions. Shepard had teased that she only really started to warm to Jarl, after she realised he had received two separate commendations after the war. One for bravery, and the other for superior marksmanship. She just blamed her protectiveness on the hormones.
Still, Jarl was more than happy for Sarah to spend hours over the extranet with her family, despite the heavy cost. Ashley was certain that when Jarl said he would have no problem living on a human colony or Earth, something Sarah viewed as sweet, that he was actually just trying to avoid the expensive bill he was about to foot for data use. But for this consideration Ashley was grateful. Ashley needed her little sister's advice when Shepard was being a pig-headed idiot like now.
Shaking herself back to reality, she sighed at Sar's question.
'I don't know, something is troubling him, and I mean really troubling him, but he won't tell me what it is. He wakes up from nightmares. At first I thought it was from the war, but he still talked to me about those, but in the past couple of weeks...' Ashley trailed off.
Sarah was silent before she said 'And your going to... errr... Confront him? About his behaviour I mean?'
Ashley shrugged awkwardly at Sarah's doubtful tone. 'I just don't know what to do anymore Sar. He won't get help, he says he doesn't need it as long as he has me with him. He said he didn't need it when he was in hospital. It was the only time I have seen him get that mad at me. Even on Horizon.' Ashley finished.
Sarah considered her before saying. 'Just do it gently Ashley. You know what men are like, they hate it when you tell them what to do with their lives, and military husband's are even worse'
Ashley listened to what Sarah had to say, there would have been a time she would have scoffed at Sar's advice. She had grown since then.
'Thomas was terrible. Always safety this, and safety that, but not when it concerned him, it was horrible. And then when he was in trouble, he had to play the strong male. Jarl is just as bad. The amount of times he gets mad at me when I tell him to stop mixing up the dextro and amino food when he eats. He yells and eats the way he wants, but he always makes sure to label the containers when he goes away for me.'
Ashley pondered this; it was almost certainly true in Shepard's case. He had no problem making sure that she didn't use an elevator without using a safety harness 'just in case'. However, he had no trouble trying to convince Ashley to let him accept Wrex's offer to go for a boys weekend run though Thresher Maw territory on Tuchanka in a Mako that had been 'borrowed' from the human Alliance embassy on the planet.
She thought about what she could say, gently. It was hardly in her nature to be soft, and the pregnancy was not helping her patience levels. Her first obstetrician said she would feel a 'glow' in this part of the pregnancy. Needless to say, the relationship didn't last much to Shepard's chargrin at her habit of sacking doctors. Doctor Chakwas was enlisted, and Ashley was under strict orders to behave with the delivery staff. Regardless of this, she would try to be gentle when she brought it up, she didn't want to force him, but she couldn't stand to see him go down this self-destructive path either.
'Okay. I'll think about it' Ashley said uncertainly.
Sarah rolled her eyes. 'You are just as bad as dad was, always doing things your own way.'
Ashley smiled fondly. She wished her dad could have met Shepard and could have been there at their wedding. Nothing would have shocked him more than seeing Ashley in a dress. Of course he would have insisted to go week ending on Tuchanka, while leaving Ashley behind in the care of her obsessive sisters. Still, she had to talk to him and what was the harm in trying it gently first.
She doubted it would work though.
'For you Madame, nothing but the best cuisine' Shepard said in a French accent while placing a plate in front of her. Shepard loved to cook as it turned out, which was a good thing considering that when the baby was born, it would have died from Ashley's attempts to feed it her 'creations', as Shepard called them fondly.
Shepard was now the resident domestic.
She looked down at her plate while Shepard tucked into his meal at the other end of the table. It looked delicious, but her stomach was in knots over what she was about to say.
'Shepard...' Ashley said while Jarryd looked up from him food at her.
She hesitated, but he waited.
'Do you remember what you told me, when we first met?' she questioned seriously.
Shepard frowned in remembrance. 'I think it was along the lines of "are you wounded?"'
Ashley shook her head, shaking away Eden Prime.
'No, I mean back on the SR-1, when you asked how I was emotionally. I opened uo to you. I told you the truth, because even back then, I knew that I could trust you.'
Shepard looked uncertain before saying slowly 'You can always trust me Ash.'
'I know I can' she quickly answered 'but the question is, can you trust me?'
Shepard answered just of fast 'Ashley, I wouldn't have married you otherwise.'
Ashley's heart skipped a beat, before she returned to the situation at hand.
'I'm not sure' she said quietly.
'Why do you think I don't trust you Ash?' Shepard questioned gently.
She paused, before taking a deep breath. Just dive in head first she thought.
'You won't get help about the nightmares' she said before studying Shepard's face.
Shepard's concern quickly changed to shock, and even faster to anger. He clenched his fork so tightly, that the metal almost shrieked. He sat there for almost half a minute, before saying.
'No'
That was when she got really mad. The way he said it, completely dismissive.
'Shepard' she said in an equally deadly tone his glare locking with hers. 'We are going to talk about this.'
He shook his head. 'I. Am. Not. Doing. It. There, we talked.' Before returning to his dinner.
Ashley sat in silence. He had never talked to her that way before. Like she was a child and not his wife. She had worked her whole life for respect, and damn it to hell, if she was going to let her stupid, annoying husband talk to her that way.
She stood up abruptly, and marched to the bedroom. She stopped at the door, and turned to face him.
'If you don't want to treat me like your wife, and talk with me, than you can sleep on the couch until this is resolved.' She said, watching his reaction. Jarryd hated sleeping apart from her, if there was anything that would make him talk, it was the couch threat.
She was not ready for the quiet anger that rolled off his voice when he stood up went to the front door and opened the door.
Turning to face a stunned Ashley he said 'You can sleep in the apartment alone as well then' before walking out and closing the door, leaving a stunned Ashley alone in the middle of a now rather empty home.
-
Tears poured down his face, while he wandered down the night strip of Sydney. Australia had recovered well from the war, and the night life was loud and rowdy on the Opera Strip. He walked aimlessly, he was still angry by the way he had behaved with Ashley. Growing up in the slums of New York, he had seen how badly treated some of the women were. Especially the girlfriends of the Reds. He had sworn that he would never treat a woman like that.
He just had just broken that vow.
But she was treading to close to a wound that had never been healed.
People, fans mostly, liked to think of Shepard as a hero. He had cured the Genophage, united the Geth and Quarians, and was helpful when destroying the Reapers.
Just a bit.
But in reality, he was still just a slum rat. And there was a reason that Shepard kept that part of his life out of the biographies.
If the people knew what he really was and what he had done when he was a child. If Ashley knew.
Shepard sighed and made his way towards a nearby hotel.
Some things were better left buried.
But never forgotten.
What do we think? Hmmmm? Please review, otherwise I may return to my naturally lazy state... or even worse... I may actually do some study!
