Commander Shepard wasn't around to open her inbox, being dead and all, so she never saw the single piece of spam advertising that would have brought a chuckle to her lips.

To: TheGoodShepard
From: FFCH Specialist Solutions
Subject: New Product Announcement

Dear Shareholder,

Thank you once again for your generous support in our initial public offering and capital investment. As one of our founding shareholders, we have the pleasure and privilege to bring you this special advance announcement of our new product line. Please enjoy the video our marketing division has created.

As a valued investor and customer, we are offering you a limited-time offer of cost-price access to these new products. Simply use the link below and use the code 'Penicillin' to receive your special discount price!

From all the team at Fleming-Florey-Chain-Heatly Specialist Solutions, good hunting!

File attached: New Product Video – Anti-Biotics!

The video opens to a human in standard SA issue arms and armour, fighting various biotic mercenaries, and being thrown around.

"Tired of krogan battlemasters stomping your squad? Asari mercs getting you down? Volus vanguards just too tough?"

"Then you need to get some Anti-Biotics!"

The human is now in a much sleeker set of armour and holding some very shiny guns.

"The new Anti-Biotic product line from FFCH Specialist Solutions is the fix for your biotic problems, and comes in several customisable and swappable pieces."

"The main focus of the Anti-Biotic line is the Quinolone Unique Advanced Defence System. Using a combination of specially-crafted alloys, element zero micro-conduits and the latest in VI technology, the QUADS can eliminate 99% of incoming hostile biotic attacks."

"Enhance yourself and your chances against biotic opponents by adding in the latest in FFCH weapon development, the BetaLactam series assault rifle and Neomycin ammunition modules. Using specially designed micro-syringe technology, the latest research into biotic-supressing sedatives and armour-piercing technology, the BetaLactam series assault rifles allow for swift and decisive removal of biotic opponents, while keeping them alive for later. If you prefer your 'old reliable' though, don't worry! The Neomycin ammunition modules deliver the latest in weapon-delivered electrical disruption, delivering incapacitating amounts of electrical power to overload biotic and nervous systems to down even the toughest krogan warlord. Better yet, these modules will still leave them alive and mostly functional once the battle is over."

"So don't delay. Act now and secure yourself against biotic threats. Your enemies won't hesitate to use biotics to their advantage. Don't hesitate to use Anti-Biotics for yours!"

Video Ends


A/N: Hey guys, sorry it's been a while since I last looked alive here. Between work trying to simultaneously work me harder and fire me, looking for new jobs in case I get fired and other life things, I haven't been writing as much as I would like.

However, Wednesday is being worked on, slowly but surely! My lovely fiance and I are currently hashing out the story, and very soon I'll get my ten little fingers into gear and start actually writing the bloody thing! (Take that pun however you want)

In the meantime, enjoy this short little piece of crack that came to me at work today. Can you tell I work in a hospital yet?