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I couldn't imagine anything worse—broken bones and a shattered heart, all on the same day. I concluded that when Bella had left my house, she'd taken it upon herself to spend some quality time with her soon to be husband and his bloodsucking family of vampires. I knew this was only an attempt to forget the damage she'd done to me, and I was fine with suffering for another day. I didn't blame her for any of this, even though a tiny part of me wanted to. The thought only made the dull ache in my bones feel less pleasant than I would have originally liked it to and to top things off, I was alone. Silence tended to make me feel things I might not otherwise, and the morphine Doctor Fang had given me barely eased my worry. It made me more aware of the situation in its entirety and even though we had won one fight, I was losing my own.
Bella didn't have long before she became the disgusting thing I hated so much, but a part of me still clung to that last ounce of hope—a possibility that she could still change her mind and choose me. I knew it wouldn't happen and I shouldn't hold my breath, but her ultimatum made me wish for her death. Was it so bad I didn't want the girl I had fallen in love with over a summer of laughter and tears to be turned into a murderous monster, fueled by an unstoppable thirst for blood?
It was sometime after two in the morning, and everything was completely silent for a majority of the time I'd been awake. I was drifting in and out of consciousness so often, I couldn't tell the real world from the blackness that surrounded my dreams. In my head, or somewhere beyond the bedroom door, I kept hearing a distant female voice talking about my condition to an older male voice I distinguished as my father.
Her voice was one I didn't immediately recognized because of the male to female ratio in this God forsaking town. When I became too tired to think or to wonder, I found the strength to anyway. Forcing myself to stay awake, I fought off the painkillers that made me unreasonably drowsy. I wanted to know what they were saying, and I strained myself to listen, ignoring the throbbing pain.
"But you think he's going to be okay though, right?" The rough and raspy female voice questioned. There was some mumbling from my father and then the female's tone turned angry. "He's so stubborn! I could have easily taken that thing, but the jerk got in the way."
I heard my dad give a brief response, but it was extremely hard to understand him when he was talking so low.
I wanted to yell. Maybe I would tell them to shut up, or ask them why they were talking about me. When a sharp pain shot through my shoulder, I whimpered weakly and I gave up trying to make sense of the voices. Relaxing against my pillows, soaked in sweat from burning off the morphine, I concentrated on breathing.
Trying not to think of the worst outcome possible for my endless list of problems, I instead thought of the past. In that small moment of time, I was normal and Edward didn't consume Bella's every thought. Here, we were just two best friends getting to know each other on a beach in early spring. When I felt tears stream down the sides of my face, I knew I had gone too far back in my memories.
I could hear footsteps in the hallway and without hesitation, quickly shut my eyes, pretending to be asleep. The door to my bedroom opened and someone stepped in, walking slowly to my bedside.
It took everything I had not to peek at whoever had the audacity to walk into my room, uninvited. I would have to remember to kindly ask my dad not to allow strangers to visit me while I was asleep and pretty much defenseless.
They knelt beside the bed, and I tried to keep my breathing even. I didn't know what he or she was planning to do, and honestly I just hoped it didn't involve any pain. I couldn't have taken anymore than I was dealing with now.
It took them what felt like forever to move or say something, and when they did, it startled me. "Jacob," Leah Clearwater's voice rung in my ears, "I'm sorry," she apologized in a tone less like her normal, unrefined voice. " I never meant for this to happen." She paused abruptly. "I was stupid. I thought I had something to prove, and it caused you to suffer what should have happened to me—maybe even worse than what you got." She laughed lightly to herself.
I wanted to groan. I wanted to tell her to stop talking and go away, but why didn't I? As much as I hated to admit it, she was right. She was stupid, and this was her fault. What the hell was making her come to her senses so suddenly?
"I wish you could understand the way I feel about this," she mumbled, and it almost sounded like crying.
I couldn't stand to hear a girl cry, and as much as I hated hearing it, I didn't stop her either. I wanted her to really feel sorry for what she had done. At that moment, I battled with myself; I didn't want to comfort her, but at the same time, I did? This was not me.
How much of that morphine did Doctor Fang prescribe for me? Hopefully, it was enough to kill me. Maybe I was having a really weird dream. I didn't know, but I did notice she called me Jake like I was someone she was best friends with. Her voice made me think of Bella. Bella would call me Jake all the time. It was actually rare I heard it from anyone else, even my two good pals, Embry and Quil.
She sighed heavily. "What I meant to say was...I-I-I...I've really messed things up for you, haven't I?"
Did she honestly expect me to answer that, or was she really just talking to the walls now?
"Jacob, I'm...I'm sorry." Her voice broke at the end as she tried to force the word out. She wasn't being bitter and it came as a complete shock. Wow, Leah did have a heart after all.
A moment later, she touched my uninjured hand and gathered it in hers. I was confused. This was so out of character for Leah. She was never sympathetic to anyone, especially not me. We fought like two kids on a playground. She would shove animal crackers down the back of my pants and I was spill red cherry kool-aid all over her pretty little white dress. It's how things were between us, even since Sam—
"I wish there was something I could do for you. Anything." She inturrupted my thoughts, running her fingers across the bumps of my knuckles and was quiet for a moment. "I know you'll be in a lot of pain when that drip runs out." She choked out a laugh.
Jokes? In the middle of my pain and suffering? Nice, Leah. Really nice, I thought sheepishly.
Her grip around my fingers tightened, and my mood changed. I felt, for a moment, her pulse racing beneath her hot skin. My breathing shifted, and I knew she would notice the immediate change. Stupid, stupid Jacob. I should really start trying harder at faking things.
"Jacob?" she whispered softly. Her voice didn't seem nearly as angry as I thought it would be.
I tried to slow my oxygen intake, but thinking about her in this way overwhelmed me to new heights. There was no way I had just cared about someone's bodily functions whose name wasn't Bella Swan. Hell, I didn't even care about my own. Maybe I was just so heartbroken I would have taken any girl's pity as an opportunity to score some sympathy. Who was I kidding? If I even considered such a thing, Sam Uley would sling my ass halfway across the ocean and make me swim back—injured or not.
"I should go," she said hesitantly, quickly letting go of my hand. I felt empty now, almost like I longed for her touch again, but I was sure any girl would have evoked the same feeling from me in a similar situation.
As Leah got up off the floor, I felt her glare on me. Did she know I was awake and just pretending to be asleep?
"If you ever say anything to anyone about what just happened," she growled in her usual bitter tone. "I will cut off your nuts and wear them as earrings!"
Yeah, she knew I was awake, or at least she assumed. But that was Leah, her dry and sarcastic voice, with a hint of affection buried deep within it, just to let you know she cared a little. I could see now how much damage Sam had really done to her at this point, and part of me felt sorry for her—just for her and I couldn't help when a small smile sparked across my face. I crossed my fingers, hoping she wouldn't notice my gesture in the shadows of my small room, but that flame quickly flickered out once she spoke.
"Jacob Black, so help me God," she said through what I could tell were her bared teeth.
I relaxed my face and didn't move a muscle further. She glowered at me for a whole three seconds and stomped out of the room, closing the door behind her with a thud.
I opened my sleepy eyes and looked around, imagining her face as it had been, just inches from mine, no less than ten seconds ago. I squeezed my fingers around the air weakly, almost as if I'd been expecting her delicate hand to close the gap in between. Disappointment spread throughout my body when I felt nothing more than my own skin and heat. Why was I so frustrated with myself for letting her leave the way she did? I was no where near being over Bella, so why would I try to chase after someone else, let alone, Leah Clearwater?
I blamed the morphine as I closed my eyes and drifted back into the darkness my eyelids provided, leaving one world behind for another. Dreams were everything I needed to forget the pain in both my body and my heart, because in my world, Bella loved me back.
