Come In With The Rain
"I could go back, to every laugh, but I don't wanna go there anymore, and I, knew all the steps, up to your door, but I don't wanna go there anymore, talk to the wind, talk to the sky, talk to the man with the reasons why, and let me know what you find. I'll leave my window open, 'cause I'm too tired at night to call your name. But just know, I'm right here hoping, that you'll come in with the rain "
Friday 4th of June 2010
Dear Nick,
I'm sorry for everything. I didn't mean for it to turn out this way, I hope you know that. I made a mistake Nick, I accused you of something I shouldn't of, and I said some things I didn't mean, I was an idiot, no….scratch that, I am an idiot. You deserve someone so much better than me. I never meant to hurt you….and it's killing me to think that I did. I don't know what's going to happen between us now, but I want you to know…..I loved you, I still love you, you weren't just my boyfriend, you were my best friend, my other half…..the love of my life. You're truly the most amazing person I've met, you're sweet, kind, strong, handsome, hot, sexy (just sayin') you're an amazing person, an amazing boyfriend, an amazing brother and an amazing son. I don't expect you to forgive me, I was out of line, but I want you know that I love you with all my heart. I thank God every night for giving me someone as wonderful as you in my life, because I must of done something pretty amazing to deserve you.
I've loved you unconditionally for 5 years of my life and no matter what happens, I'll love you 'till the day I close my eyes forever. People told us we were stupid, that we wouldn't last, they told us were just 2 kids , 2 kids that thought they knew what love was, well the truth is…..we are just 2 kids (but I prefer the word teenager). Yes….maybe we're not as wise as an adult, maybe we're more carefree, maybe we're a little immature, maybe we are just '2 kids'….but I love you, I've loved you for 3 years and I'll continue to love you for the rest of my life, so yeah….maybe we're just '2 kids'….but we were 2 kids who are head over heels in love with each other.
I miss you Nick, I miss you more than I thought it was possible to miss a person. I miss your smile, I miss messing with your hair, I miss making you laugh, I miss the feeling I get when you touch me, I miss the sparks that fly when you kiss me, I miss the tingle that runs down my spine when I can feel you breathing on me, I miss holding your hand, I miss how you say my name, I miss us calling each other nicknames that no one else in this world understood, I miss sitting on the beach at night watching the sun go down, I miss those little "Good morning beautiful" texts, I used to get off you every morning, I miss teasing you, I miss ALL your annoying little habits, I miss you holding me, I miss how you wear the same pair of converse every day and the fact that you've been doing so since we met, I miss lying in bed on a Saturday night watching crap TV shows with you but feeling like I'm in heaven. I miss the fact that no matter how bad the fight we had was or what it was about….you'd still kiss me and tell me you loved me afterwards before you went home…I just miss YOU Nicky.
I don't know why I'm writing this letter….I don't even thing I have the guts to actually give it to you, but if you're reading this…..then obviously I built up the nerve to give it to you or else someone dragged me to your house.
I know….I shouldn't be joking and this is serious, but I'm just trying to imagine your face while your reading this….I just want to see you smile. I'm sorry Nick, I know that's not enough, I know that's not gonna make you forgive me but I don't know what else to say. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry a bajillion…..and one times. If you ever need a friend….or someone to talk to…you know where I live, my balcony door's always open Nick…you know that, I mean, how long has it been since we've used the front door ?
I miss you Nick.
I love you…..forever and always3
I'm sorry for everything,
Love always,
- Miley
x x x x
P.S. I promised forever….I pretty darn determined to keep that promise. 3
I read the letter once more, then folded it in half all over again and placed it in my back pocket. I was sitting in my car across the street from his house….so I wouldn't look too stalker like….not working is it ?
I took a deep breath and opened the door….it had to be raining didn't it ? Stupid pathetic fallacy. I pulled my hood over my hair, and held it slightly as I started running, my converse hitting off the ground, rain pouring from the heavens, I was soaked by the time I reached his house, not my most attractive look if I'm honest with you. I stood in front his door, I didn't know what to do, my heart was beating a million miles an hour, I rang the door bell, pulled the envelope labelled "Nick" and placed it on the door step. I couldn't face him, I was a coward, I was a stupid, stupid coward. I ran, I ran back to my car….as fast as I could. I jumped into the drivers seat, started the car and before I pulled away, I looked back….there he was, standing in the rain, staring at me with the envelope in his hands. I looked away and drove off, I could see him in my rear view mirror, still looking at me, then to the envelope then back to me again. I could feel a tear rolling down my cheek, I quickly wiped it away. I drove home, my heart beating, rain dripping off me, cold….and lonely.
I walked out of the bathroom, wearing grey sweats, one of Nick's old white v-neck t-shirts and my black converse. My hair was till wet, I'd just had a shower, I thought it might make me better…it didn't. I sat on my bed, took my notebook out of my bedside table and grabbed my guitar from next to my bed. I started strumming a few chords and of course soon enough the song turned into Before The Storm…the song Nick and I had written after we had gone on a break…that lasted what ? The whole of a week ?
I started singing softly…
I know this isn't what I wanted,
I never thought it's come this far,
just thinking back to where we started, and how we lost all that we are.
We were young and times were easy,
but I could see it's the not the same,
I'm standing here but you don't see me,
I'd give it all for that to change.
But I don't want to lose her,
Don't want to let her go.
Standing out in the rain,
I need to know if it's over,
'cause I will leave you alone.
I'm flooded with all this pain,
Knowing that I'll never hold her,
Like I did,
Before the storm…
With every strike of lightening,
Comes a memory that last.
Not a word is let unspoken,
As the thunder starts to crash.
But maybe I should give up.
Standing out in the rain,
Need to know if it's over,
'cause I will leave you alone.
Flooded with all this pain,
Knowing that I'll never hold her,
Like I did,
Before the storm…
Trying to keep the lights from going out,
And the clouds fro ripping out my broken heart,
They always say, a heart is not a home,
Without the one who gets you through the storm.
Standing out in the rain,
Knowing that it's really over,
Please don't leave me alone…
I'm flooded with all this pain,
knowing that I'll never hold ya,
Like I did,
Before the storm…
Like I did,
Before the storm.
I sat my guitar back down next to my bed, I wiped the couple of tears that had fallen from my eyes while I had been singing when I heard a soft, gentle clapping….
I looked over to my balcony door, where the light curtains were blowing gently, and there he was.
He just l stared at me and I stared back, he was wet, there was rain dripping from every part of his body, but he looked so…..sexy.
"Oh…uh…" I finally snapped out of it "Uh…come in, you're soaked" I said.
"Thanks" he mumbled stepping inside the balcony door, It was only then that I looked down and saw that he was holding the letter. He must of followed my gaze because he looked down at the letter then up at me.
"Mi.." he started
"Do you want to change your clothes, I probably have something in here belonging to you or…" I was rummaging through drawers.
"Miles…." he continued.
"Ok….I'll just get you a towel or something so you can dry off or-" was I talking unbelievably fast ?
"Miley!" I stopped dead in my tracks, and looked up at him. "I'm sorry" he said shaking his head.
I sat on the edge of my bed "What are you sorry for ?" I asked confused, my voice was a little shaky.
"For shouting at you….I didn't mean to, but you just wouldn't stop talking" he said
I laughed slightly, then stopped. He looked up at me and half smiled.
"This is awkward" I blurted out.
"Blunt Miles" he replied laughing slightly
I giggled quietly "Sorry" I said shaking my head laughing.
"So Smiley ?" He asked.
I smiled too myself at the mention of my nickname. "Yesh Snickers ?" I asked smiling.
"Can we be serious for second here Miles ?" he asked hopefully..
"Yeah, of course, I'm sorry" I answered nervously
"Don't apologise" he said not looking at me, he started walking around my room, he stopped in front of my dresser, he picked up the picture that was in the silver metal frame with hearts carved into it. It was a picture of us (of course), we were at the beach with a load of our friends, but all I could seem to see every time I looked at that photo was Nick and I, we were holding hands, Nick was looking at me and I was smiling at the camera, everyone behind was either laughing or smiling, you could see my silver heart necklace, the one Nick had given me. In the background, the sun was going. We just looked so…happy. It really was a beautiful picture and a picture I will NEVER get rid of. He looked up at me and smiled, then he looked back at the picture and stroked it once with his thumb. He turned around to me, walked over and sat on the bed next to me.
"I'm so sorry, for everything, I shouldn't of believed her when she told me, I should of trusted you, I should never of said the things I said, I didn't mean any of them, I so sorry, and I don't know how to make it up to you but I promise, I'm gong to figure it out, I want everything to be back to the way it was…I'm just…sorry." I blurted out all at once, not taking a breath. I don't know why but I stood up and started pacing around the room, I didn't know what to do, I didn't know how he was going to react.
I felt a pair of strong arms grab my wrist, I stopped, and slowly turned around. There he was, less than an inch away from me, our bodies basically touching. I felt a shiver run through my body at his touch….this boy drives me crazy. It was silent for a moment, I could feel his eyes on me, I was looking at my feet awkwardly. I felt his hand underneath my chin, my head slowly raising up until I was looking into his eyes. "Stop talking" he said quietly with a smirk on his face, his chocolate brown eyes staring into my deep blue ones. He was still holding onto my wrist, and our bodies were still pushed up against each other. His lips pressed against mine softly as he captured my lips in a sweet kiss, wrapping his arms around my waist, my arms automatically wrapped around his neck as I deepened the kiss, running my tongue along his bottom lip, he happily parted his lips as I slid my tongue into his mouth, our tongues tangled together….I was in heaven. I pulled away after a few minutes in need of air. He rested his forehead on mine and smiled looking into my eyes, I stared back into his, getting lost for a moment until four words snapped me out of my trance.
"I love you Mi" he whispered into my ear, kissing my earlobe softy. I smiled, bigger than I've ever smiled before.
"I love you too Nick" I replied nuzzling my head into the crook of his neck. I felt his head on top of my hair, I just smiled and kissed his neck softly.
"I'm sorry" I whispered looking back up at him. He just smiled and pecked my lips once more, before letting go of my waist and grabbing both my hands "Let's go" he whispered into my ear.
"Go where" I asked confused, but still smiling.
"Just guess" he whispered in my ear, his lips lingering on my earlobe for a while. I smiled, I knew exactly where we were going.
At this point it had stopped raining and it was the time of the day when the sun was just about to go down.
We sat on sand, his arms wrapped around my body, my head was lying on his shoulders.
We sat there, on the deserted beach as we watched the sun set, it was beautiful, it was…..perfect.
"I love you Mi" Nick said to me. I was smiling from ear to ear, it was like nothing had happened, that we never had a fight, we never broke up. I guess we're just truly….inseparable.
"I love you too Nicky" I replied, my voice just above a whisper "Forever" I added, the same tone in my voice. I looked up at him, he was smiling, that rare smile of his, there was butterflies in my stomach….you know ? That feeling you get when you're nervous ? But I wasn't nervous….I was just…in love. And it was the best feeling in the world :)
Nick slowly stood up. "What are you doing ?" I asked confused.
"Come on Superstar" he replied smirking, he stuck his hand out, I grabbed onto it and he pulled me off the sand, I quickly wiped all the sand of the back of my jeans. Nick looked at me, staring into my eyes…..it just made me melt every time he did that, I smiled at him, and his eyes glistened….wow…he's just….perfect.
He put both of his arms around my waist, pulling me closer to him, I wrapped my arms around his neck and I lay my head on his chest….listening to the sound of his heart beating, it was the only sound I could hear except the occasional crashing of the waves along the shore. We stood there…on a deserted beach, swaying like we were dancing. There was no music, we didn't speak….we just swayed to the sound of our hearts beating…
This moment was perfect.
"I love you" I mumbled into his chest, I could stay like this forever, in the arms of my prince charming…
I felt him kiss the top of my head, instantly I smiled, I felt him rest his head on top of mine "I love you too" he whispered back. I dug my head deeper into his chest, I could feel him smiling. "My girl" I heard him whisper, but I think it was more to himself than to me, he was just….thinking out loud. I couldn't help but giggle, I tightened my grip around his neck….I never wanted to let go….never.
