I don't know if i like this or not. I'm sleep deprived and etc, but yeah I just felt the need. xoxo.
Looking out at the flaming ruins of my old home, I sighed. The house I had come to love, the world I'd come to accept living in, on fire. My nostalgia couldn't be wrestled- I would miss this place, dearly. I had only lived there for a year, but it was the wood where I had carved my name, it was the handle of the toilet I pulled after I got the Oxycontin out of my intestines. It was where I lived after Edward. Post-mortem, one might say.
I couldn't find it in myself to regret torching the place- it was for the best- but I would miss it. I wouldn't have to miss it for long, but I would miss it.
I could hear a faint "Bella!" from behind me. Swallowed thickly. Fought the shiver up my spine, the pull from my heart. It came anyway.
Of course it was Him. It's always Him.
"Bella, Bella, please. Please don't do this I love you don't do this please oh god-"
"Shut up, Edward." I reprimanded softly. "I'm done." I laughed, slightly hysterical. "I'm tired and hungry and I love you but not really and I'm done. I get to be done. I reserve that right."
"I don't understand… Please." Was he crying?
Finally, I whipped around to face him and his godforsaken family, fire still in my eyes.
"No. It makes sense now, Edward. I know where I belong and it's not here. I deserve a life. I didn't believe it for a really long time, but I want to live. Let me live."
"I want you to live. We all want you to live. That's why we need you to step away from the fire."
I took a step closer to my old house and they all inched forward.
"You can't stop me." I blurted, defiant.
"Uh, we completely can." Emmett retorted.
A laugh burst out of my throat. "Only because those are the rules in this place. But you can't, because it's my decision. It's my head we're in. This isn't real, you're not real. I have complete control, and if I want to throw myself into this fire, I goddamn fucking will."
They looked around at each other, confused. "Bella…" Edward began. "This is real. I promise you, this is real."
"Not today, Cullen. Maybe last year. Maybe yesterday. But not today."
"No, you don't understand-"
"SHUT UP!" I screamed. "I HATE YOUR VOICE IN MY HEAD."
"What voice, Bella? I'm not in your-" He said, still confused.
"Yes, you are. Always, all the time, talking. All of you, talking, I can't hear myself think. I don't want to listen anymore. It's not fair." Traitor tears were slipping out of my eyes, I was breaking, finally cracking. "Don't come any closer or I'll roast myself alive, I swear to God!"
"Oh, Bella. What happened?" Alice sobbed.
Finally, I met their eyes.
"You did."
With that, I stood up, strong. "Goodbye, Cullens. It's been… Well. It's actually been, like, incredibly difficult. I wish I could say I'm sorry to see you go, but I decided last night that delusions aren't worth my sorrow."
Before they could react, I stepped back, and fell into the flames.
Softly, personally, I smiled to myself as the flesh melted off my bones. Done. I was finally done. Soon, I would wake up in the hospital bed, and I would be fine.
My head spun, and my eyes got heavy.
And then, quietly, whimperingly- I died.
