I wrote this little bit of humor for some friends I role play with.
The entire thing is of course, parody, simply for laughs.
Jill's Logs are one of the few times I will write in 1st person since I prefer 3rd.
Anyway, I hope you all get as much amusement out of it as they did.
If you do, don't be afraid to drop a note. Perhaps I'll add more logs
and this will become a collective mixture of serious notes and
comedic moments from the p.o.v. of our beloved Ms. Valentine
Much love,
"Jill"


June 18, 1998

Another busy day in the office..
It's been several weeks since I transferred to Raccoon City but I feel much better than before.
Well, at least, I did.

Earlier today there was an incident and now I'm left pondering it as it eats away at me. I feel as though I've missed something.

Paperwork was overflowing and Captain Wesker assigned each of us double duty in order to finish it all on time. My only guess is sleazy Irons is on his ass again about the lack of files the S.T.A.R.S. are putting through. We can't help it if he's practically confined all of us to the office. When a job for Alpha comes up he sends in Bravo. It's as though a personal grudge against our captain is forcing him to be even more dick-ish than usual. Such an asshole. That's not why I feel so confused though...

We were all stressed and working well past lunch when Wesker told me to take a break long enough to grab a snack. He made it sound more like an order... and he wasn't wrong for it either. My stomach was grumbling for two hours but I ignored it to try and help contribute.

Long story short I came back with the perfect lunch and it smelled like heaven. My mouth was watering on the drive and by the time I was back in my seat I could hardly wait to dive into it.

I had spent the entire lunch hour scouring papers and filling out the rest while I could smell the food of the rest of the team. Joseph and Brad had left to eat at a diner seeing as they were the slowest of us. We could work faster without all their jokes anyway. Barry had something from his wife; the smell was amazing so she must be one hell of a cook. Chris had his standard burger, something juicy and delicious. Captain Wesker..well I'm convinced he just doesn't eat. The man's a machine I swear.

Seated at my desk I unwrapped the perfectly stacked sub. Oh, it was beautiful. Layered and classic. Like an old fashioned delectable dream. I took one bite and felt someone staring.

Carefully chewing and trying not to notice I couldn't miss the looks I was getting.

Captain Wesker at the forefront of the room, his eyes hidden by shades, but I could feel him staring as his mouth crept up in one corner for a permanent smirk as I ate.

...and Barry... if his eyes had been any wider I'm pretty sure they would have fallen out of his head. And I swear I saw him chewing with me like he was imagining my sandwich belonged to him. It makes me shiver. That was... strange.

I glanced at Chris wondering what the hell was making everyone so weird but he just stared at me shaking his head as though in disbelief and I swear I caught some amusement in his eyes.

It was the most awkward moment of my life. I mean, what, did they expect me to not enjoy my sandwich right in front of them? Hell, it was my sandwich. Damn right I was going to love it.

...Still... After today I don't believe I will ever bring Subway to the office ever again. I still feel as though I've missed a joke or something. Sometimes this team can be a little strange.