A/N: So glad you dropped by! The ensuing story is slightly nonsensical, because that was my mood when I began writing it. So pull up a seat and share your thoughts with me at the end. Wanna know how? Just press the pretty purplish button. With much love, Aurora.

Once Upon A Time there lived a Duchess.

She wouldn't have believed you if you called her beautiful. Pretty, perhaps she would allow, but honestly, her looks never really occurred to her. All she really knew was that no one ran away at the sight of her screaming "EWWWW! EWWW!" like her crush at five years old had when she tried to kiss him. So she figured that was a good sign.

And most of the time she was happy. Being a Duchess had its perks, after all. The finest silks for her dresses, the most exotic perfumes for her toilette, the beautiful balls, the dancing, you get the picture. So we understand that she was quite content and pleased with her station in life, thank you very much.

Except when someone was getting married.

Then, she just hated it.

It wasn't that she wasn't happy for the lovely couple-whoever they were this week-it was just that she could not understand the appeal of gathering together as many strangers as you possibly could and forcing them to make polite conversation while you stressed and sobbed over every minute detail of the proceedings. I mean, honestly.

And then, of course, they ask you to be a bridesmaid. And in some heinous delusion of monumental proportions the bride manages to find the most hideous…thing…to ever pretend to be a dress. And you're supposed to sit there and generally attempt to believe the most outrageous lie anyone has ever tried to tell. "If you shorten it, it could be a cocktail dress you'll wear for ages!" Uh huh. Sure.

She just couldn't understand. These were girls she had attended the Royal Academy with and-for the most part- they were sensible, reasonable. And yet they insisted on marrying straight away these men they had met only two days before. Usually after the supposed prince/traveler/adventurer had killed some poor beast that had only been trying to do its job and guard the respective tower and/or castle. Some random armed wanderer with a penchant for murdering kingdom employees didn't exactly sound like a dreamboat to Rippa.

And then she had to go to these things and then spout off assurances that she just knew that the couple would live happily ever after and make beautiful little heirs…well, there's only so much of that type of thing one can take.

So that's why Rippa found herself-instead of expiating on this most recent couple's surely most wondrous future- hiding in the garden just off of the ballroom-turned-pre-wedding breakfast-room, reading.

She would've been paying attention inside if they hadn't invited the most boring people they could possibly scrounge up for the occasion. In fact, she wouldn't have even been at the castle if she hadn't had to go to the reception. So, Rippa decided, it was really all the stupid wedding's fault that she was now bumping crossways on the arse of the horse of some bumbling idiot who kept insisting that she was a princess in need of rescuing. She sighed. Damn it, this was going to be a very long day.