Oh man, this might be a little too depressing for some. Don't go emo once you've read it, please. :-\
I know she's there. Staring out in to the ocean. Like she's dead herself. Her expression is numb like her heart. She's dying. I can see. I watch her everyday. Bits of her crumble away, she's losing who she is. I don't want her to be like this. I didn't want to die but here I am, watching her from a distance, transparent, inhuman. And I see her, I talk to her, but I can't touch her. For once I wish she could see me, hear me, touch me. But she can't.
I thought when she and Aaron were rescued she'd be happy again. But now I can see her world. The past she never revealed to me. Once she's been down to the beach, she drives back to her small apartment, pays the baby sitter and just stares at my ring. And my letter. I'm glad she found the ring. I'm glad she got the letter. But I'd rather be with her forever then being where I am now. And her being the way she is.
She's trying so hard not to cry. I can tell. She's shivering and her chest is rising and falling ever so quickly. I wish she didn't feel like she does. I didn't mean….I never thought…..I just figured once she was off the island, she'd get over me, She'd be Claire again. She'd smile every day and care for little Aaron and just be her friendly self. But she doesn't smile. Not really. She does that smile when someone asks how you are and you want them to think you are but really you feel terrible and want to hit them for even asking. It's not a real smile.
She's sitting on her bed with her small fingers stroking Aaron's little head. I'm sitting next to her. I tell her things. How I am, what I'm doing, what's going on with the other survivors-because I know. I visit them too. But I usually never leave Australia. I usually never leave Claire's apartment. Only to follow her. And I feel like I did when I first met her and I followed her around because I worried and cared for her. It was only when Ethan took her that I first realised I had feelings for her, stronger then friendship. And when I kissed her for the first time I reckoned it was God giving me a sign that I could be happy again. But she doesn't hear me when I tell her things. She doesn't feel me when my cold hands touch hers. She doesn't see my warm smile when I look in to her beautiful eyes. She doesn't even know I'm there.
She's grabbing Aaron. What is she doing? She's running to her car and driving in the dark. Please Claire, don't do this. Oh Claire, please don't do this to yourself!
But she can't hear me as I sit beside her in the car and beg her to just go back home and rest. Instead, she drives on, Aaron crying in the back. I tickle his chin and tell him to be quiet and to my surprise he stops and smiles as if he knows I'm there. It's scary. But Claire's stopped the car. She gets out, leaving Aaron. I follow her. She approaches the sandy beach and I run along side her.
Claire, please don't. Aaron needs you. Go back. Go back and be happy. Oh please, I only ever wanted you to be happy!
But she doesn't stop and tears pour down her pale cheeks. I try to wipe them away but my white hands go right through her. She's running in to the water and I stop frozen to the spot as she climbs deeper and deeper in to the dark blue and green water.
NO CLAIRE! NO! I yell in to the night. DON'T DO THIS! PLEASE!
But I know she doesn't hear me, or see me. But she's gone now. I can't see her! I panic and look around my ghostly self until I see her. I turn around. And she's standing in front of me as white and transparent as me. I watch her. And I can't help but smile.
Because she's see's me, she can hear me and touch me now.
And she does. She walks up to me and puts a hand to my cheek as ghostly tears run down her cheeks. And all she says is:
"Hello Charlie."
