Hopeless rouge author Unknown Alias is back for a terribly planned, often confusing nonstop rip-off filled with already heard humor, Original Characters and too much rum. Apparently, Alias still has a blood debt to pay despite the story being over. He still owes his soul to the legendary Davy Jones, ghostly ruler of the ocean depths, but Alias never goes down without a fight. Along the way, the engaged couple of Keitaro Urashima and Naru Narusegawa get caught up in the thrilling whirlpool of misadventures stirred up in Alias's quest to avoid eternal damnation by seizing the fabled Dead Man's Chest!
Hina of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
Chapter 1
Consequences
Ame Maeda sighed in the wilderness. The stranger was busy making final repairs to his car. That way she can return the veil she 'stole' and start moving in. But then they turned at hearing the sound of mechanical marching.
Through the wilderness came what seemed to be robots in the style of Japanese police. And leading them was a man in his forties, a black trench coat, a jaw made of iron, a bald head with a tattoo of a hammer on his forehead and a five o'clock shadow.
"Keitaro Urashima, by the authority of the Fanfiction Association, you are under arrest."
The next morning was quickly becoming worse for the engaged Naru Narusegawa. Keitaro has yet to return from his drive, and it's their wedding day for crying out loud! The heavy rain poured down, and the weather man said for a 100 percent chance of sunshine all day. The guests who arrived were agitated but fine. And to top everything off, Su had disappeared last night! She had gone up to her room after she finished decorating, and hasn't been down since. All that was found was a note.
Heyas everyone!
Sorry I had to split, but I'm gonna meet an old friend of mine and I just can't pass this up! I'll make sure to come back in time for the weddin'! Just don't throw out my bananas while I'm gone!
-Su.
She sighed as she looked back out of her room window to the stairs of the inn, waiting to see a familiar face climbing up the steps. What came instead was a shock. Robots in the style of Japanese police were marching up, the new resident and the landlord in captured tow. She immediately took off.
She burst through the doors before the group could finish the steps, running and pushing through the crowd until she got to her fiancée.
"Keitaro!" she cried as she arrived to the man. "What is this? What's happening?"
"I don't know," he said humbly. He looked up to his now depressed bride, but couldn't help but smile. "You look beautiful."
She smiled sadly as the on pouring rain continued to drench her wedding dress. "They say that it's bad luck to see the bride before the marriage."
"Ah," he said with a shrug, "I can handle a little more bad luck."
Ame looked up from her arrested state. "So you two are the married couple," she concluded, recalling what the residents told her earlier. "I'm so sorry that I got you into trouble like this," she said with her head bowed.
"Quite the contrary," Keitaro corrected, "we should apologize for dragging you into this. Whatever it is," he finished with a mumble.
It was at this point that the other guests arrived, each shooting their own barrage of questions. But the elderly lady that led the barrage was no more than Grandma Hina herself. You might think that she shouldn't be alive at this point, but she surprised everyone being stubborn enough to keep on. She was the one who hobbled to the machines.
"I demand to speak to your leading officer for an explanation!" she shouted with an angered voice.
"You need not search any farther then," a cold rough voice spoke up. From the crowd came the man, three envelopes in hand. "My name is Construct. I am the leading official of the Fanfiction Administration."
"Fanfiction?!?" Naru shouted/repeated with pure killing intent. "That's what this is all about?!? That's why you're arresting Keitaro for no apparent reason?!?"
"I will have you know," Construct replied, unaffected by Naru's anger, "that I have full permission to do this." He then handed the top envelope to Grandma Hina. "The warrant for the arrest of Keitaro Urashima."
Grandma opened the envelope quickly and opened the folded paper inside. Her eyes at once went wide in shock. "But… this warrant is for Naru!"
Construct looked it over, noticing that she was correct. "Hmm. My apologies. Arrest her too."
The soldiers seized her as well, causing more uproars of objection. Meantime Construct was handing another envelope to Grandma. "Here's the warrant for Keitaro. And is there a Miss Kaolla Su here? I have a warrant for her as well," he spoke loudly as he waved the last envelope.
"Su seems to have gone missing since last night," Granny answered.
"But that doesn't exactly answer my question, does it?" Construct asked coldly.
"Mr. Construct," Keitaro spoke up, "I don't know al of the rules of Fanfiction,"
"But surely there's a rule for letting the arrested know of the charges," Naru finished hotly.
"The charges," Granny read from the envelopes, "are conspiring and succeeding in freeing from authority a rouge Fanfiction Author who has committed multiple crime against the Fanfiction Association and sentenced to death. The punish…." Granny had become too shocked to finish.
"The punishment for which is also death," Construct finished. He then came forth to Naru and Keitaro as his voice lowered. "Perhaps you'll remember a certain boy author from a few years back. One that goes by the name of Alias?"
"Unknown!" the both of them spoke before Keitaro turned to his fiancée in surprise that she knew. "Unknown Alias," she spoke correcting.
"Yes," Construct spoke with a grimace. "The Unknown Alias."
The winds whipped around in the night as the Black Tama's sails rippled with it. The new crew waited inside; save for two. One walked about on deck, a bottle of rum in her hand. She took to pirate clothes over her usual outfits since she had arrived and the quest had already gone a good deal underway. Now all the crew could do is wait for their captain.
"Fifteen men on a dead man's chest," she sang, "Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum. Drink and the devil had done for the rest, yo ho ho and a bottle of rum."
She took another swig of her bottle before she stopped and looked to land. There, was a Turkish prison, the bell of which had begun to ring. He had warned them that if the bell rang, then things have gone wrong. She looked overhead to see that crows that had roosted on the ship were taking off to the island.
At the prison gates, the guards were taking some of the prisoners to the opening door. Others were hanging on the side of the bridge in cages. All the men were terrified, even more so when the crows arrived. They began to scream in fear as the crows began to peck at the prisoners in their cages. One screamed on final time before a crow reached in and pulled out his eyeball for a meal. All the prisoners screamed even louder as the door closed with them inside.
Down on the shores of the island, two more guards were bringing the oldest coffins in use to toss to sea so as to make room for the ones to be buried. One by one they tossed the coffins of decayed corpses into the sea, not a second thought on one. Not even for the one that weighed like there were two passengers instead of one. The coffins sailed out to sea, each making an occasional splash.
The stormy winds had died down as morning had yet to break. A few coffins were still sailing. A lone crow, which was still hungry from his live meal, landed on a coffin. The bird began to peck at the coffin to get to the corpse inside.
Peck peck peck, peck peck peck peck, peck peck peck peck peck peck- BANG!
The crow that was launched into the air due to a bullet being shot in its head splashed into the water. Out of the bullet hole in the coffin, a hand rose with a cocked pistol and pointed around like a periscope. Once he knew it was safe, the hand went back in. Then the boy burst from the coffin.
Not much had changed of the Unknown Alias since his last pirate adventure. His hair was still curly, although he had it greatly cut. He still had that ridiculous 'beauty mark' on the left-hand side of his face, right above his lip. He still had that noticeable cut right in the middle of his lower lip. But his outfit had changed at least. He now wore a shirt, and just happed to be the cast and crew shirt of the actual third Pirates movie, Chinese writing and all. He wore a pair of dark green camouflage cargo pants over olive green crocs (New type of shoe). He also wore a necklace with a cross made from three nails around his neck, and finally he was wearing his trademark silver ring with the entwined symbols of Alpha and Omega on his right hand middle finger.
He sat up and put his pistol away as he spat out a splinter. He then reached into the coffin, and pulled out the same pirate hat from his story. He fitted it on his head as he looked out on the surrounding horizon. He looked down and sighed as he reached in and pulled out the corpse's leg. Fighting down his puke a bit, he got ready to row.
"Do you mind if we take a little bit of a side trip?" he asked the body. He then started to row to the nearby ship known as the Black Tama. "Didn't think so."
Su reached her hand out to take Alias's, only to have a decaying leg instead as he pulled himself onto the ship, taking a nearby blanket and wrapping it about himself.
"Didn't go so well, did it?" Su asked as she tossed the leg into the waters.
"Nope," Alias answered. "Things came up, things went down, but things were conquered."
"So you got whatcha came in for then?" Su asked, not waiting to see the treasure.
Alias only smiled as he reached into his shirt and pulled out a folded up piece of cloth. He then turned to see the entire crew staring at him. They were just Dusk Nobodies from Kingdom Hearts, but there were three members in particular. One was blonde, blue eyes and an orange jumpsuit named Naruto Uzamaki. Another was also blonde with blue eyes, but a blue muscle shirt and gray pants. Beside him was an iron ball with eyes, nose, mouth and a mustache connected by a chain to a silver hammer with four red gems in it. This is Ginta Toramizu and his living Arm, Babbo from the world of MAR. The final was in pirate clothes, but was about 1/8 their size. This was Mini-me from the Austin Powers movies.
"Uh, captain?" Su spoke up as she rested her head on Alias's shoulder, "the crew, meaning me too, were expecting some actual shiny treasure. You know, since you've invited us to a treasure hunt and we've found out that the Isla de Muerta had sunk to the sea with the treasure."
"And don't forget about those navy guys that've chased us ever since we got here," Naruto added.
"And the hurricane!" Ginta added.
"So basically," Su summarized, "we were expecting that we would actually do some real pirating."
Alias remained unchanged with a stoic look on his face. "'Shiny'?"
"Yes captain," Su answered, "Shiny."
"So that's how you're all feeling then?" Alias asked the crew. "That perhaps dear ol' captin Alias, is not looking to your best interests as captain? For I'll let you know that not all treasure is silver and gold."
… "Hmph," Babbo muttered silently, "Someone should send this ungrateful child to the plank."
Ginta then quickly covered his mouth as Alias drew his cocked pistol and pointed it at the living weapon's mouth. "WHAT DID HE SAY?!?"
"Eee! Eeeeee!" Mini-me 'spoke'. "Mmm," he spoke as he pointed to the cloth still in my hand.
"You wanna know what's on this?" Alias spoke as he raised the cloth in his left hand. "Well I'll tell ya. You see, it's-"
That was all he could say before a new guest dropped in. A flying turtle that looked more like it became a living corpse. Everyone screamed in shock as Alias shot his pistol, only have it fizzle sparks from the powder getting wet. The turtle, whose name was in fact Alias-tama, flew down and grabbed the cloth from him. Alias then quickly grabbed Su's pistol and fired at the turtle. It dropped the cloth and flew off to recover, even though the shot would've killed it if it were alive.
"Captain, you know that doesn't do it any good! It can't even be made into a proper supper!" Su spoke.
"Does me plenty of good Su!" Alias shouted back.
Meantime, Mini-me had picked up the cloth and opened it. "Eee! Eee!" he spoke.
"Much better than that!" Alias spoke as he rushed to grab the cloth. He then held it up for everyone to see. "It's the drawing, of the key."
There, on the cloth was a familiar key. It had a circle handle, and two stick ends going out. One was shorter than the other, and both had an edge pointing outward like harpoons. The entire crew only looked with questioning looks. Alias's smile grew. He loved doing this!
"Gentlemen, what do keys do?" he spoke.
"Keys, lock things?" Naruto answered.
Su then had a look of realization. "Or unlock!" she said happily. "And whatever this key unlocks there's something valuable inside! So we're going after whatever it is that this key unlocks!"
Alias drew a breath before answering. "No," to Su's surprise. "If we don't have this key, then we can't unlock whatever it is it unlocks which we don't have. So what's the point of finding something that needs to be unlocked, which we don't have, without having first found the key which unlocks it?"
"So…" Su spoke, "we're going after this key?"
He leaned his head forward. "Now you're makin' no sense. Any more questions?"
Only one spoke up. "So, do we have a heading?" Ginta called.
"Ah yes!" Alias remembered. "A heading." He then drew a compass out of his pocket and opened it up. "Set sail in a…" The arrow kept changing directions at random, something it shouldn't be doing. "in a general…" his swirling finger then began to one a way before shooting to the other direction. "That way direction!"
Su raised an eyebrow. "Captain?"
Alias just tucked the compass back into his pocket. "Well you know how it goes. Raise the anchor, set the sails and all that junk," he commanded before walking off to his room on the ship.
Su leaned over the ship's edge as she thought. Naruto soon joined her.
"Hey, have you noticed?" he spoke. "Alias seems to be acting a little bit strange…er."
"He is," Su replied gravely. "Setting sail without knowing his heading? Something's going wrong with him. And believe me, whatever goes wrong with him, goes wrong with us all."
This story is being done under the supervision and permission of the original author, The Unknown Alias.
