Tattoos and Tears

Chapter 1: After

We had been heading to Atlanta when Merle got word that the place was overrun, that the geeks and rotters had taken down the help centers.

It only took us a few days to find a place to stay, a group of survivors had made a camp in the woods, near a quarry. It was simple, but it provided what we need, food, shelter and more guns.

Making camp away from everyone else was fine with me; I really didn't want to be around people anyway. As I make a fire, Merle walks up to me grinning. "Hey little brother, these assholes are ripe for the pickin. Tell ya what, we'll wait till they get comfy with havin us around then we'll wipe'em clean. You can't trust anyone out here but me, understand that? It's us against all of this … fuck'em I say."

Merle had his mind made up, we were gonna stay here for now, but as soon as the opportunity came, we'd take the guns, ammo and food and split. I was fine with that, everything and everyone I gave a shit about was gone.

The man I was now was someone I didn't even recognize. I woke up just as pissed off and angry as I did when I went to sleep. Merle was right about one thing, it was him and me against the world.

The night before I set out on a hunt one of the people from camp comes up to me. The gray haired man walks up, his fingers scratching at his gray beard. The stupid hat on his head makes me chuckle as I clean my crossbow. "What the hell ya want?"

"Just thought you'd want something to eat." He hands me a bowl of food, my eyes narrowing at him.

"Nah … I'm good." I go back to my crossbow, hoping he'd just leave.

He sits down by the fire, placing the bowl beside me. The look on his face reminds me of every look I'd gotten from my father in law, Robert's face flashing in my mind.

"You don't have to be out here by yourself, the group doesn't bite." He tries to make a joke, placing his hands on his knees.

"No, but I might." I gruff back at him, cocking the string back on my crossbow.

He extends his hand to me, waiting for me to shake it. I look back at him, my face like stone. "I don't need friends."

"I'm Dale, but I told you that before. Daryl … we need to work together to survive out here. You and your brother ain't exactly been the friendly type, but I'd hoped you'd at least join us for dinner tonight." Dale withdraws his hand, his eyes studying me.

I pick up a bolt, holding it tight in my hand. Rising from the dirt, I point the bolt at him. "We don't need anythang from you people. We'll do our part, but that's it."

Dale stares back at me, his eyes lingering on my left hand. "I know hurt and loss when I see it. You don't fool me son, you're hurting."

Tucking my hand behind my back, I turn to walk away from him. "I'm goin huntin in the mornin … you don't have to worry about me."

I feel his hand on my shoulder, my body going stiff. "Who's B.J.? Apparently she meant something to you for you to have her initials tattooed on your finger."

Bobbi Jo and Beryl's voices echo in my mind, their faces seeping back into my memory. I feel the chains around my heart rattle, the cold, icy cage around it starting to crack.

"Don't you mind who it is … mind yer own damn business … old man!" I shout at him, waving my bolt in his face.

Before Dale leaves, he gives me one more word of advice. "I lost my wife too, I miss her every day. Don't let that eat away at you son, it will consume you."

I pick up my crossbow and walk away from him. That night I dream of Bobbi Jo and Beryl, my happy dreams turning dark before I wake. I see my sweet ginger walking towards me, her eyes yellow and her body decayed and broken.

Waking up in a sweat, my breath coming out ragged, I take my crossbow and head out to the woods with the sun starting to wake the world.


We had driven all night, Sam looked like ten miles of bad road and I knew we had to stop and rest soon. We pull up to a gate, a large chain and lock around it. "Sam, what are you doing?"

"Getting in." He pulls a key from his pant pocket, smiling at me. Beryl wakes, rubbing her eyes.

I poke my head back out the truck window, watching as he opens the gate. He trots back to the truck, pulling it just inside. "Why are we here Sam?"

"I'll explain everything. Just stay tight until I get the gate closed back." He leaves again, closing and locking the gate back behind us.

We ride up the gravel and dirt road, the road twisting and turning until we it comes to a small hill. Slowly, Sam drives up the hill as the sun peeks from behind the hilltops.

"I found Ally and Adam, they are holding up in Adam's family farm. His brother in law has a farm not far from here, but for now they're staying put. Layla and the twins are gone; Ally was talking to her when she got attacked. I was on my way back to tell Merle when I found you bit and the house burning down. All I can do for you and Little Red is keep you safe until I find Daryl and Merle." He reaches over taking my hand, his gray eyes looking so sad.

I don't say a word, my heart to burden with loss and sadness to say much at all. Beryl twists her arms around my neck, her little head resting on my shoulder. "Sam-Sam gonna get Daddy?"

"Yes, he will sweetie. We'll get Daddy back, I promise." I stroke the back of her head, my tears falling again.

As we pull up to the gray and white two story farmhouse, I can see a barn in the distance, as well a corral of some sort. Adam comes out on the porch, his son by his side. "Hey Sam … who ya got there?"

"Hey, it's just me Adam." I step out of the truck, my body almost too weak to move.

Adam runs over to me, taking me by my arm. Sam takes Beryl from me as Adam lifts me up in his arms. "Is she okay?"

Sam shakes his head, telling Adam about the farm. They walk in, Adam laying me in a bed in the back of the house. Ally comes in, a bowl of water in her hands.

I let the abyss that had washed over me before take me again, welcoming the cold numbness it offered.

It's midday when I wake, my shoulder feeling tight. Ally smiles back at me, her face looking worried and worn. "How ya feeling?"

"Better, I think I was just exhausted." I look around, finding Beryl sleeping beside me.

"You got bit, but you didn't die and you know … become one of them. I must say, I'm shocked. Even Adam is puzzled; you shouldn't be alive right now." She hands me a pill, telling me it's antibiotic.

I take it, knowing it really won't help. "Where's Sam?"

"He left already, said he was going to find Daryl for you. He wanted to make sure you and Beryl were safe before he left. I'm not sure if here is safe but it's safer than most. I'm sorry about Daryl … I'm sure Sam will find him soon." She pats my arm, the quaking in her voice giving away her fears and doubts.

A few hours pass as I let my new surroundings sink in, taking in everything that had happened. Adam and Ally are more than gracious to us, taking us in and treating us like family.

The first week on the farm flies by, but with each passing day my heart sinks lower and lower. I missed holding my husband; missing kissing him and looking into those sky blue eyes that always calmed my soul. Sam was out there risking his life to bring me back mine and I pray each and every night that he's safe and he'll bring Daryl back to me.

Another week passes with no word from Sam, giving me little hope he's alive or that Daryl is either. Ally tells me to reside myself to the fact that this world doesn't allow us to hope, to accept the fact that the family I have now is all I have.

I sit on the porch, rocking Beryl in my lap. Was she right, I think to myself? My hope is all I had, but it was really more than that. It was a feeling, a feeling that if Daryl were really dead, if he was gone I'd feel it. I stroke the tattoo on my chest, remembering the ring that once adorned my finger, the angel wings that adorn the vest I made him and in that moment feel our love burn bright.

It's at the end of the week, when I'm out feeding the horses, when I feel a sudden rush of heat that makes me dizzy. Autumn was starting to settle in and I knew the heat of the day wasn't warm enough to affect me this way.

Ally hands me a bucket of water, her eyes studying my face. "You okay Bobbi Jo?"

"No, not really. I think I need to sit down for a little while." I take a seat on a stool in the corner, the heat blasting at me like a furnace.

Adam walks in with Beryl and his daughter Abby. "What's wrong?"

"Bobbi Jo got sick." Ally gives her husband an anxious look, Adam kneeling down beside me.

He places his hand on my forehead, feeling my face and neck. He next pulls my button up shirt to the side, looking at the bite mark on my shoulder. It had healed up nicely, barely viable at all.

"What exactly is wrong?" The look in his eyes worries me, Adam being a vet was a good and bad thing. He had knowledge enough to help us if we became ill, but he didn't have the necessary items to do much about it.

I rest my hands on my face, bending forward. "I'm just sick to my stomach is all and I got too much sun. I'll be fine … really."

He gives Ally a look, the two of them sharing an unspoken secret. "Do you think?" Ally smiles at me, taking my hand. "We need to go back to the house, you need some rest."

As we walk off, Adam whispers something to Ally. She nods her head, looking back at me. "What the hell is going on Ally, and you best tell me."

"Bobbi Jo … Adam thinks … he thinks you're pregnant." The words smack me hard. I reel back, my knees going week. Ally tries to catch me before I hit the ground. How could I be pregnant, how could this happen now?

I look up at her from the grassy patch I had landed on, my knees hurting from being scrapped on the rocky ground. "I need to be sure … Ally I need to be sure."

She takes my hand, leading me back to the house. I set on the bed, Ally coming back in with a pink box. "I have this left over from before … before everything went to hell. It might be a little outdated, but it will work."

Once again, I find myself facing this cursed white stick and for the first time since I lost my baby, I find myself praying I'm not pregnant.

As the two pink lines get brighter and brighter, I begin to cry. After all the tears, the worrying, the praying and disappointment here I am … pregnant.