Life had returned to normal, several weeks after the big Madison High School reunion. Connie Boynton nee Brooks' daughter had moved in across the street, into Mrs. Davis' old home. (2) Connie's husband, Phillip, now the tender age of ninety-three, was frog-hunting with his great-grandson. And Connie's old enemy, Daisy Leblanc nee Enright, was vexing her the way only Daisy could.
"I don't see how you could let Phillip go frog hunting at his age" Daisy needled, though like Connie, she herself was a healthy ninety. "Why, that uneven grass! That dirty, brackish pond in those insect infected woods! He will catch pneumonia or fall for sure. If he were my husband, I would never allow him to do such a fool thing!'
"Well, he's my husband" Connie rejoined, with a smile. "as you well know! I thought we settled that nearly sixty years ago."
"It was a figure of speech, darling" said Daisy. "A word or phrase used for rhetorical or vivid effect. Really, I'm surprise Connie? My fellow retired English teacher not understanding the definition of a figure of speech?"
"Understand, yes' said Connie. "Recite the definition unprompted? No."
"Well!" said Daisy, "the point remains. How could you let him do it?"
"Oh, Phil's not going to go in the water" said Connie. "Just supervise and instruct Pete on the finer points of frog hunting and frog-ology. But do you really think I'd nag Phillip out of doing one of the things he loves?"
"Just a few months ago you were saying how frog hunting at your age meant a dip in the pond and a case of pneumonia" said Daisy.
"I don't like frog hunting" said Connie simply.
"Well, I would go with him!" said Daisy. "If you're too infirm to take a simple walk in the park, well, that's not something I have to worry about."
"That's true. You wouldn't have to worry about that. You'd never go. You'd be afraid it would aggravate your arthritis" chided Connie. "It seems to me that you once said even thinking about frog-hunting did that to you. I never knew you had become such a hypochondriac, Daisy. But I suppose an old woman like you is prone to such alarms."
Connie and Daisy looked at one another and laughed. Truthfully, the two had become good friends once their rivalry over Mr. Boynton had ended with Connie's marriage decades before. Daisy's defeat had, in the long run, been graceful, leading as it had to a long and happy marriage to French teacher Monsieur Leblanc.
However, the two woman enjoyed sparring as if their rivalry was still white-hot.
"Honestly, Connie, aren't you just a tad worried?" asked Daisy.
"No" said Connie, although she was, in truth, slightly concerned. "You know Phil's been a biologist, these many years. Now, while he might have been something of a gourmand in years gone bye, what with his cast-iron stomach and all . . . ."
"Oh, I remember that barbeque he gave for me years ago! And his hot sauce!" said Daisy with a frown.
"As do I" said Connie. "But Phil has also been interested in proper nutrition for years. If I had a dime for every time he mentioned that bone density decreases in age, well, we would have enough money to goldplate the house here. (3) So, we've taken care to keep our joints from rusting with age. We've drank enough milk these past sixty years to justify keeping that cow we once had to hide in Phil's lab" (4)
"Oh, I never heard of that!" said Daisy, intrigued.
"Mrs. Davis bought a cow for her brother Victor" said Connie, looking at the portrait of her old landlady beaming in the afternoon sun. "She also bought me a cushion for my desk chair. Good old absent-minded Mrs. Davis mixed-up the orders and sent the cow to my classroom and the pillow to her brother."
"Oh my" said Daisy. "A cow in the school! Mr. Conklin must have had a fit."
"He certainly did" said Connie, shaking her head. "Though I don't see how it was so much worse than boarding the school goat. The goat you had eat my school garden." (5)
"Oh, let's not discuss that again!" said Daisy. "You do tend to go on. But I suppose its because you've developed quite the green thumb since."
"Phillip does like green" said Connie ironically. "But I'm sure my thumb isn't so bad as that time Walter Denton's Easter Egg dye made my face turn literally green." (6)
"Oh, you know what I mean" said Daisy. "I envy your ability to dig around in the dirt like a gopher and bringing up all these flowers around this quaint cottage of yours."
"I know what you mean" said Connie sarcastically. "The only thing you'd want to do on a hot day like this is to curl up and take a nice catnap in the sun."
"Connie! Are you calling me a cat?"
"If the whiskers fit" said Connie. (7)
"Are you saying I have whiskers?"
"Well, if you take off that pound of makeup maybe we'll see."
"Really!" said Daisy, slowly rising. "If I'm to be insulted I may as well just leave."
"Oh, calm down Daisy" said Connie smiling tolerantly.
"Well, you did get me that time" Daisy admitted, sitting down again. "No, really, Connie. The truth is it is a beautiful garden. I honestly don't have the patience for it. Especially on a hot day like this. I just want to stay inside with the air conditioning. I've been privileged that way. Why when I was a young girl, they were so expensive. But Mama and Papa, they had the best."
"When you were a young girl, to keep cool you took a refreshing dip in the Roman aqueducts."
"No, I'm serious, Connie" said Daisy, exasperated.
"I well know how uncomfortable it gets" said Connie, diplomatically. "I remember that year I taught summer school. It was a hundred and ten degrees, and we were all, students and teachers alike, angling to take a dip in the old swimming hole. Walter, Stretch, Harriet and even Mr. Boynton had bathing suits on under their clothes, just waiting for the chance to take a dip . . . The old style, full length types no less." (8)
"Of course, I must have been at the resort at Eagle Springs or Crystal Lake at the time" said Daisy. (9) "I am sorry you had to endure so many of those summers."
"That was the last hot summer I had to endure" said Connie. "The very next year Mrs. Davis had a plug-in, portable airconditioner to place in her living room."
"Mrs. Davis? But how could she afford it? With you always so behind in your rent?" (10).
"Walter Denton, of course" said Connie. "One of his schemes backfired, and this air conditioning system fell into our hands as a result. It all began at breakfast, at Mrs. Davis', over sixty years ago . . . ."
NOTES
(1) The "Madison High School Reunion" refers to "The Reunion Assembly", the other Our Miss Brooks story I wrote.
At the conclusion of the "Our Miss Brooks" film, Mr. Boynton buys the house across the street from Mrs. Davis and becomes engaged to Miss Brooks.
(2) The radio episode "Mr. Boynton's Barbeque". Mr. Boynton makes a "mild" hot sauce that has Miss Enright and Mr. Conklin rushing for a drink of water. There's also the radio episode "Pensacola Popovers" where Miss Brooks feeds Mr. Boynton a steady supply of food throughout the day in order to make him sick (and call upon Miss Brooks to nurse him in his illness).
(3) In an effort to avoid buying lunch, the radio episode "Mr. Boynton's Lots" has Mr. Boynton warn Miss Brooks that people over the age of thirty shouldn't eat too much. After the age of thirty, excess caloric intake becomes "unsightly blubber" warned Mr. Boynton. And he clinched the matter by complimenting Miss Brooks on being slim. In "Trying to Pick a Fight" (television) and "Arguments, Arguments" (radio), Mr. Boynton lectures Miss Brooks on the nutritional value of jellybeans.
(4) "Cow in Closet" (radio)
(5) "Miss Brooks Takes Over Spring Garden" (radio)
(6) "Dyeing Easter Eggs" (radio)
(7) Calling Miss Enright a cat (due to her being "catty") was a favourite tactic of Miss Brooks. For example, in "Home Cooked Meal" (television) Miss Brooks said to Miss Enright "Oh, you use your own needle! I thought you just used your own claws!"
(8) "The Heat Wave" (radio). What Connie doesn't mention is that she too had on an old-style bathing suit under her dress.
(9) "Eagle Springs" was mentioned a few times as a vacation spot near Madison. In "Trip to Eagle Springs" (radio), Miss Brooks plots to pay a visit. In "Swap Week" and "Turnabout Day", Miss Brooks and Mr. Boynton go up to Eagle Springs to see the head of the school board.
"Crystal Lake" was a favourite vacation spot on the program. The Conklins had a cottage on Crystal Lake, having Connie over a couple times ("Weekend at Crystal Lake" and "An American Tragedy", both radio episodes). In "Hawkins Travel Agency" (an episode with identical radio and television versions), Harriet Conklin mentions her mother was sick of spending summers at their Crystal Lake cottage. Crystal Lake is also home to a few hotels. In "Who's Going Where," Mr. Boynton and Miss Brooks each book rooms at a resort on the lake. Oddly enough, in the movie, it's referred to as "Crystal Bay." Gary Nolan keeps his motor yacht, The Paradise, on the lake/bay.
(10) A running gag through the series was Miss Brooks being in arrears in her room rent, i.e. on television "The Embezzled Dress" (television) and it's radio equivalent "Student Banking."
