DEF: Oh jakkie boy, the things I do to you.
Thunder rumbled loudly overhead, I turned restlessly wishing I could fall asleep somehow but there was a wild energy inside me that refused to be turned off. I threw my legs over the side of the bed, resting my hands on my knees and counted to ten, it helped in a way. It gave me a chance to clear my mind and think, if I didn't do it once in a while, I would go insane.
I glanced at the illuminated numbers on my alarm clock, three o'clock in the friggen morning and I was still up, the demonic hour. I snorted, how damn ironic, the precise time for all the foul creatures that inhabited this hell hole to be free was the time I couldn't sleep. How fucking ironic!
'But you're one of them, aren't you, you freak!'
I growled burying my face in my hands, I thought these obscure visions had stopped, why couldn't I have peace even after the bastard's death? I could almost feel the cold steel biting into my wrists as I was restrained once more, just another day of pain. The hard metal of the chair and the laughter of the eco as I was prepared for more torture, I could never forget it.
'What's the matter Jak? Can't seem to forget your rightful place as my lab rat?'
"Get out of my head," I hissed digging my fingers deep into my scalp as though I could tear out the memories by the roots somehow.
"You're dead, I saw you die," I whispered in something resembling a prayer, that was strange, I had never prayed, not even in Sand Over. Sure I believed in the Precursors but I didn't worship them, after all they'd left us in this unfinished world full of monsters and death. If they didn't care enough to complete our world, then what was the point of worshipping their statues?
'I told you, I am this City, you can't get rid of me. Not unless you tear it down brick by brick'
"I intend to you psychotic bastard," I snarled shaking my head, cold so cold, fingers numb, throat raw from screaming. I sucked in a deep breath, the torture chamber was too close, the thunder was dying, being replaced by the laughing, that horrible mocking laughter. Needles piercing my skin, the slow fiery agony filling my veins, so much pain leaving me no where to run no where to hide, not even my own mind was safe. Hours upon hours of pain, maybe days, there was no way of measuring time in that place of constant death and darkness.
When I wasn't strapped down to the torture chair I was in my cell, in the pitch black it was hard to even remember there used to be a time before all this pain. It was hard to remember what the sun looked like, the pleasant warmth across my skin, the touch of the ocean waves against my feet. My friends, what were their names, Dexter, Kara? Sometimes I couldn't even remember what I looked like, did I have blue eyes or green? Was I blond or red head? How was I to know these weren't all a sham created by my diseased mind as a way of escaping the hell of my real life?
Everything I had once been faded away, my innocence, my hope, until I was nothing more than a husk of myself. That was when the voices came, like a thief in the night, silent and deadly they promised a release from the pain, a place where I could hide and no one would ever find me, a way to make my tormenters feel my pain. In a way, that was worse than being experimented on in the hope of achieving success, because these voices did not belong to anyone else, they were a part of me. I suppose that was when I truly lost that thin sliver of my humanity, the very first time I gave in to the darkness out of desperation. I could remember only glimpses of what happened that first time but it was enough that I knew the beast I had become.
Pain, pain was always first and foremost then slowly scenes of blood the feel of the heated crimson covering my arms in a warm blanket. I knew it was wrong to enjoy the taste when it drenched me from head to toe but knowing it was wrong did nothing to mar the fact that I liked it. In the basest way possible, I had shared my pain with those who caused it, I had my revenge and it felt oh so good.
'Do you need anymore proof or have you finally realized what a monster you are?'
"Shut the fuck up, I'm like this because of you," I reminded him in a low voice, lightening cracked illuminating the shadowed corners brilliantly. My head snapped to the one closest to the door, I could have sworn there was a flash of red painted metal, uncannily similar to that of the former Krimson Guard. I rubbed my temples wearily, I was exhausted, I hadn't slept in almost two days now, I was hallucinating and worse I was arguing with those hallucinations.
Another flash of light revealed his armored form, the face I hated so much, the colour I had come to despise but couldn't seem to stop myself from painting the City in it. I felt as though I could almost reach out and touch him, after all, how was I to know what was real anymore? Was this all a delusion created by my fevered psyche or was it all real?
'You think this is all in your head. Well maybe it is, or maybe it isn't, how could you possibly know?'
"Focus God damn it, he isn't really there, he's dead and rotting outside the City," I rasped ignoring the dull ache as my fingers dug into my temples painfully. Truth be told the pain helped, it gave me something that connected me to the here and now, the sharp pain kept the memories at bay.
'Maybe those little tricks can work on him but not me, or did you forget? I love pain, I live for it!'
"No, you're just another part of me, not real," I breathed, squeezing my eyes shut, but still I could feel the shift of the air as a clawed hand rested on my shoulder. My breath hitched in my throat, I kept my eyes closed, if I couldn't see him then he wasn't real, yup, not real if you couldn't see it.
'What's wrong, do I scare you? I thought we were one, how could you be afraid of yourself?'
I shook my head, he wasn't real but why could I still feel the grip on my shoulder tighten, the soft panting in my ear? Why could I smell the scent of death, a revolting odor, it was a mixture of decay and old blood, yes blood had a smell, no one ever had it around them long enough to experience. What did that say about the man I had become? I had become a true monster if I was in contact with blood enough to learn its smell.
'I'm just as much alive as you, you gave me life once more Jak, do you remember the last time we met? You were so much more innocent then but that was easily fixed, back to the time when you had no voice of your own.'
I tired to keep the images back but like all those times before I wasn't in control, he was and there was nothing I could do to stop him. I could almost hear the soft whisper of eco as the silo doors slid open; see the broken Precursor robot and the two twisted Sages it held. I remembered how appalled I was that they had become so infected by the darkness, how could someone become so corrupt so quickly? They spoke of power, of creating the world in their image but that was just plain insanity, no one could control the eco once it was released. For years afterward I would hear the screams as they were absorbed into the eco, Samos thought they had lived but I knew better, they were dead as soon as they hit. One secret I had always kept to myself was that I could hear eco, it truly was a living being, it talked but no one ever listened long enough to understand and those who did were driven mad.
'They were pathetic hosts, so weak but are you any better? You still fear that half-assed Baron, those grand council bastards plan to throw you out and yet you do nothing!'
My temples ached as horns grew into a grotesque crown, and I tore at them helplessly in an attempt to stop him. What would those who feared me say if they could see me now at my most venerable? Would they laugh or would they run still as the monster appeared before their eyes? I threw myself against the wall in pain as claws shot out in a spray of blood, already the eco was repairing the damage left by the harder than diamond daggers. I gasped in pain as they retracted only to shoot out once more, he loved to torture me this way, he was the ultimate predator and I was his unfortunate prey.
'If only you stopped fighting me, it wouldn't hurt as much buuutttt since you insist on being stubborn.'
I saw my skin bleach out to a sickly blue pallor and I knew the same had happened to my hair, the pain was fast approaching an unbearable level and I was starting to see black spots. I always wondered why he was unaffected by the pain but the answer was easy, he wasn't, he just enjoyed it, the sick bastard. But was I really any better than him? I enjoyed the pain of others, hell sometimes I enjoyed my own pain!
'Why don't you take a nice nap? I promise the City will still be standing when you come back.'
The city, did I even care about it anymore? They had done this to me, they were the ones who were too weak to fight their own battles and relied upon others to do it for them, to die for them. Shouldn't they bear this pain as well, they had neglected it for the last two years, turned a blind eye as innocents were subjected to this. Well, now it was time for them to face the result of that particular ignorance, it didn't matter that only a few had done this, they would all pay for those few. I suppose it was unfair but wasn't life unfair?
'It'll make you feel so much better, let them experience what you have for the last two years. Why should you have to bear this burden on your own?'
He was right in his own demented way, I didn't have to be a victim of this anymore, I could use it to my advantage. Call it the insanity or pain, whatever you wanted to name it, talking but to me this actually made sense. I had suffered too long on my own, it was time I shared my curse with them, showed them how much of a monster I had become.
