Blue's the Color of Our Sky
"He told me that I was great the way I am." Mariana rolled her eyes as she wiped a long, hard day's of make up away. "If I was great already, I would not be worrying if he likes me. Right?" She looked at Jude than back at herself in her mirror. The light reflected off her new nose ring.
Jude shook his head. "You're not that bad, Mariana."
"I mean, I know I'm not ugly it's just…" she shrugged. "I don't know. I'm smart but I'm not…like social justice smart. He was talking to me about Wendy Davis and a filibuster at the party and there was so many things I had to Google after he left."
Jude looked at her, understanding. It was so easy with Jude, almost as easy as it used to be with her and Lexi. She had spent all of post-dinner talking to him, because Jesus and Callie had Lexi and Wyatt over and Brandon was at his dad's house. They both needed to talk desperately. They talked about color schemes and watched Marriage Bootcamp together. They complained about Jesus and Lexi. She might miss Lexi, but Jude was doing just fine.
Callie hadn't come back from her date with Wyatt yet. It wasn't really a date actually. He just came over before dinner and they sat on the couch and did homework, or she did and he tried to distract her. Lena was cooking dinner downstairs and kept her eye on them. He stayed for dinner, helped clean up, and they went for a walk. Stef remained upstairs to make her rounds on Jesus.
Mariana had a sudden ache for how it used to be. Brandon trying not to sleep with Talya in one room, Jesus out skateboarding with their neighbors, and Lexi in her room being the one to talk to her about Garrett. And it wasn't like Jude was doing anything wrong; it's just that Jude never scooped her up and took her to the nurse when she realized that no matter what, she could never be a princess.
The door handle jostled. Jude sat up, but settled back down once he realized it was just Callie. She was sort of glowing, oddly enough, in a just kissed way. It actually made Mariana groan out loud, because everyone was getting kissed but her. Brandon wasn't a virgin, Lexi and Jesus can't keep it together, and now Callie's here for two minutes and has a boy tripping over her feet.
"Jude?" Callie said. "You knew I was…out, why are you here?"
"I was talking to Mariana." Jude answered.
"Out with Wyatt?" Mariana teased. "Uh, we have eyes."
Jude smiled. "He's your boyfriend."
Callie turned away, but the matching grin on her face was too tell-tale already. "Shut up!"
"Is he a good kisser?" Mariana plopped on her bed besides Jude.
Callie shrugged. "How would I know? I mean I've kissed him but… I don't really kiss a lot of guys."
"I've never kissed anyone." Mariana admitted. Callie and Jude gave her a dubious look. "Ok, ok. I've never kissed anyone who looks at me the way my moms look at each other. Or the way Wyatt looks at you when you're not looking."
Callie snorted and changed into her pajamas. "And how does he look at me?"
Mariana and Jude looked at each other. They had talked about this during a commercial of Marriage Bootcamp. Mariana snapped her fingers, trying to remember.
"I don't know. It's like he's scared he's going to mess something up with you if he breathes wrong."
"And he never looks at your lips unless you're looking back at him." Jude added.
"It's so cute, I want one." Mariana complained in one breath. "All I have is Garrett who sees me and still sees the girl with braces and a really bad middle part."
"Speaking of Garrett, how'd you learn to pierce your nose without bleeding out?" Callie asked.
"I was in my second foster home and I saw this older girl doing it, while I was brushing my teeth and I memorized exactly how she did it and she looked so pretty and grown-up and tough. And so did the girl Garrett was talking to…no one could ever hurt her. She was a queen. It was girls like her that made me want to be a princess, you know." Mariana scoffed and shook her head. "I used to have this dream that Jesus and I were switched at birth with royalty. I was a princess, who everyone loved, and Jesus was a prince. I told everybody that. Jesus let me have my dream but I knew he thought it was dumb."
Jude looked at Callie then back to his blue nails. Callie swallowed.
"But, um… it was stupid. " Mariana shook her head and stared at her phone, begging it to vibrate for her. "Just like having a crush on Garrett."
"It's not dumb to have a crush." Callie tried to comfort her. "It's dumb to pierce your nose for him."
"Hey, even Brandon's kissed someone." Mariana shook her head. "A boring piece of paper like him can get kissed and I can't. That's a travesty."
"Brandon's just really, really nice." Callie shrugged. "Try being really, really nice to him."
"I am really nice to him!"
"Well, then you're barking up the wrong tree!" Callie and Mariana started to laugh. Jude was confused.
"You're not that nice to Wyatt." Jude reminded Callie.
"No…but that's because me and Wyatt are really weird." Callie said. Mariana laughed. "I'm serious, I don't get him. Don't compare."
"Lexi and Jesus, though, she risked our friendship for him." Mariana sighed. "and my other best friend is in rehab…" Mariana's eyes added 'and it's my fault'.
"Don't compare." Callie said. "You'll drive yourself crazy."
"Maybe I already am crazy." Mariana put her hand in Jude's hair. "It doesn't matter."
Callie eyed their interaction. All this time, she'd been Jude's rock, Jude's second mom. She'd call him baby and wipe his tears away. She'd tend to his wounds. She made some tough choices, all for him. She hadn't promised her mother he would be safe because she couldn't. She promised her mother she wouldn't let him get hurt.
He didn't make her job easy. Her eyes flicked to the nail polish. Blue. She remembered what it symbolized this from Timothy's class: the color of water, relaxation, peace, and knowledge. It was also the color of the bruises he'd get if he lived anywhere but here in Gay Barbie's Dream House. And life, it wasn't fair to him or to her, and he had basically told her she was failing the one thing she promised their dying mother on her death bed.
There was a knock at the door.
"Have any of you seen Ju—oh, there you are. Sweets, I'm just about to get Brandon and drive Lexi home and you have school tomorrow so it's time for bed." Stef offered her hand to Jude. He looked at Callie. She nodded. Before leaving however, he passed Callie's bed. Wrapping his tiny arms around her, interlocking his fingers with the blue nails behind her back, he hugged her hard.
"Goodnight," She called. She watched as he trotted back to Stef and she embraced him. Her arms closed around his shoulders like they belonged.
She regretted nothing she did to keep him safe. But she wasn't used to sharing the job. She thought of Jude and Jesus's video game matches and Mariana painting Jude's nails. Stef making him feel protected and Lena tutoring him so he could pass that test and stay in school. And even then, at the risk of heartbreak, she kept thinking that maybe she could squeeze two more years out of this family and she can be 18 and work out a deal with them. Jude would be14 then but by that time… there would be no deal. Jude was too far gone already; two more years would have him attached.
Mariana yawned and turned off her light. She didn't mind Callie's light that much anymore.
Her phone vibrated. It was Wyatt, telling her goodnight. She smiled and picked up her phone, right next to her guitar and a pair of Jesus's old headphones. Callie almost swore. Well shit.
Two more years would have her attached too.
