The difference between us
I thought that hardest thing about you going to college would be the distance, and I guess in a way it was. Because, I think that without the distance you might still love me, even if it was only for a little longer.
I realize now, that our love did different things for us, the fact that you were in love with your best friend made you come to the realization that you were gay and helped you come to terms with it. For me, being in love with you saved me.
In all honesty I have no idea what my life would be like if you hadn't been in it. Sleeping with the entire school probably wasn't the best decision, but I was trying to feel something I was missing in my life. Eventually you gave me that feeling, love, and I realized that you were all I ever needed. I didn't need to feel loved and accepted by anyone else as long as I had you. But I don't have you anymore, and that's the scariest thing
in the world.
I didn't doubt you when you said you'd always love me, we were best friends before our relationship, and I know we can continue
to be now that you've ended it. But I need some time, because you and I are different people.
You gave me a piece of your heart, and because of that I know you'll always love me the most. Even if I just go back to being your best friend. But the difference between you and me is that while I have a piece of your heart, you have all of mine. Totally and completely. I was your first love,
but I'm sure that you're my only. I spent a year and a half trying to feel something that only you gave me, and maybe I was just too young, maybe one day I'll find someone else that makes me feel the way you do, but I don't think so. I may not be sure of many things in life, but if there's anything, I'm sure that you're my soulmate. I was meant to be with you.
I used to think that it went both ways, that you were meant to be with me just as much, but now I realize that maybe we're like puzzle pieces. I'm the corner piece that only fits with you, and you fit with me, but other sides of you fit with other pieces, so no matter what, your piece won't only belong to mine, even though mine only belongs to yours.
I was fooled into thinking we'd be together forever. All the plans we made to start a life together after high school, go to college together, get out of Lima, they were all contingent on whether I passed senior year or not. And I need you to know, I tried my best, I really did. When I didn't pass I thought about dropping out and following you to Louisville, so that we could be together, but you convinced me to stick it out, you said you
believed in me. I know you did and still do, but it's tough being here alone. I don't fit in anywhere without you.
Maybe if I were in college I would have met other people and wanted to explore my options too, but even if I did I know I would have made my way back to you. When I'm with you everything feels right and everything makes sense. I'm never going to feel that with anyone else. I need you in my life Santana, because without you, it really isn't worth living.
That being said I'm prepared to go back to being your best friend because I love you. I just want you to be happy, and maybe if someday you realize that being happy means being with me, I'll be happy too.
You have my whole heart Santana, and I'll always love you. Period.
Your best friend,
Brittany S. Pierce
