I know I am changing the ending of New Moon here. In my version, they never got to the heart felt talk where they reaffirmed their undying love for each other. Seeing how I'm a bit older and have had the love of my life leave me "for my own good," I sympathize with Bella's pain in New Moon. I can't however, understand her decision to just forgive and forget. Pain like that takes a while to heal. She was not healed when she rescued him. She never wanted him to die, so she did what she could to save him. After the urgency of the situation was over, she had time to think. Did she want to open her heart to that kind of pain again? This is not an Edward bashing story in any way. Bella's just isn't going to cave so easily. I truly hope you like.

Twilight and New Moon are property Of Stephenie Meyer. I am making no money from this fiction and no copyright infringement is intended. All recognizable characters are property of Stephenie Meyer.

Prologue

The day I had opened my front door and seen Alice for the first time in months I was overjoyed. I had missed her…I had missed all of them so much. I knew that when she left I would have to face the pain that I had tried so hard to rid myself of. I welcomed this pain, if it was the price I would pay to see my dear friend again, to hear about the people I had loved so much, I would gladly pay it.

Of course, she didn't tell me about everyone. Alice left the details of Edward's life without me out of every story. In fact, she didn't mention him at all. I was grateful for that. As much as I wanted to know, I didn't want to know.

The entire time I've know Alice, she had never really been angry at me, I had never given her a reason to be I guess. But now, after she flew back to Forks to help Charlie through my death, only to find out, I was very much alive…technically. (My jump form that cliff did not stop my heart or my lungs or my brain activity. I was surviving, hanging on. No one would call what I was doing living), NOW she was angry. Alice had told Jasper and Carlisle, who told Esme, who told Rosalie, who told Emmett. Her whole family thought I had killed myself over the one member of their family they couldn't bring to tell.

She grabbed the silver phone in her pocket to call Carlisle, to tell him that she had been wrong, but it had bee Rosalie who answered. Rosalie had called Edward, told him what Alice had seen. She thought it would bring her family back together. She had no idea what he would do after learning about my death. Of course, calling the house to get confirmation would normally have stopped any of the chaos. Apparently, things can never be easy. He had called the day of Henry Clearwater's funeral. Jacob had answered the phone and, thinking Edward was Carlisle, told him simply that Charlie "was at the funeral."

Alice told me that Edward was headed to Italy. She was surprised that I knew what that meant. How serious it was. Against the pleadings of Jacob, my best friend, and savior through the hardest time of my life, I went with Alice to Italy to try to save him.

After finding him before he exposed his kind to unsuspecting merrymakers, being escorted to the pits of the Volturi's lair, and successfully double talking our way out of danger, we headed home. Exhaustion and relief flooded me as I gazed up at his perfect face. We didn't have much time to talk. There was so much that needed to be said. I didn't understand why he would try to take his own life. Even if I had died on that cliff, he no longer cared about me. He was tired of pretending to be something he wasn't; he had said that, the night he left. It all came back to me in a painful flood of memories.

When I got home, Charlie was so far past mad words could barley describe him. Apoplectic was a closer match to his emotion. Not to mention Edward was there. Edward, the source of my Zombie like lifestyle. Edward, the reason I left for three days, never telling Charlie where I was going and only leaving a note saying that I had gone to him. There he was, the reason his daughter had fallen apart at the seams, carrying me home like he had saved me.

When I woke up later the next day, a new emotion was surfacing. Anger. Did Edward really think that I would let him into my life that easily again? That the hurt and betrayal could be merely wiped away and things would be as if he never left?

He had a lot to atone for. I could only be grateful that his need to feed kept him out of my room last night. I had to think, really think about weather or not he had a place in my world. I loved him. That would never change. But I no longer trusted him, not with heart.