Disclaimer: The events that will transpire are intended to entertain you, the reader. If you feel that these events are highly unlikely or purely stupid, it's because it is meant to be. Hence why the genre is humor. In other words, don't be trollin'. Enjoy the chapter!
A/N: Hey, guys! I've decided to take a break from Responsibilities, but that doesn't mean it's not going to be finished! So sit tight!
I. The Pervy OC, Ultimate Rapeface
In a grand manor in the outskirts of London, England, there conversed two people, one original character and one canon character. Because they're actually going to be of importance in this story's plot, it would help if you could follow their dialogue carefully. They were both talking in a room designed vaguely like the original character's birthplace. There was a painting of Alois Trancy and Claude Faustus of the Black Butler II series on a light pink wall positioned to the left of the slightly worn oak desk situated in front of window, where the aspiring writer created "Musings of A New Girl" which you should totally read if you haven't. It was the creator's pride and joy, nearly three weeks of mental swearing and jacking up Claude's hair. She was totally going to give it to J. Michael Tatum or Nana Mizuki, if the Japanese seiyu decided to come to America.
But that's besides the point.
Behind the desk was Ophelia Cornelius, known as Lady Aubergine in this era. Awarded "Best OC Ever" by the MOANGFA (Musings of a New Girl Fangirl Association), this original character was considered famous by the other new characters that were lingering in late eighteen-hundreds England in hopes of being employed in the role of the baker in "Musings of A New Servant" and officially becoming successor to her.
It was Ophelia's duty to pick the appropriate person for her boss's newest creation. Hence the ornamental sign displayed across the manor.
Now Holding Auditions for "Musings of A New Servant"
(No Mary Sues Allowed!)
Hundreds of females (some even male) swarmed to the manor, ages ranging from twelve to twelve years from death. Some were decent and most were horrible. This irked Ophelia and she was well-known for her imaginative mind, so when she started to space out more than normal, she was praying that these next couple of paragraphs would soon introduce the person she was looking for.
"Grell, could you get the next person? Beryl's gonna have to kiss my ass if she thinks I'm gonna go through another hundred candidates," the black-haired girl proclaimed, taking off her purple hat and fixing her mussed hair.
Grell Sutcliff was the red-headed transsexual grim reaper and if it weren't for the Kuroshitsuji series (or the craziness that was considered normal in anime), that sentence wouldn't have made sense to you. This Grell was the Grell that actually existed in this era, not the one who attached so easily to Ophelia in "Musing of a New Girl." However, after he returned to the Shinigami realm, Ronald Knox told him to check out this story he found on this fanfiction site and fell in love with her…again. And this is where we get off topic, a bit.
Grell spread the word about it to Elizabeth Ren, a silly Supervisor Shinigami, who shared the news to Victoria Perez. She was a Supervisor Shinigami, as well, though not so into play during work, but all she needed to know was that her crush, William T. Spears, would be in the humorous story. She enjoyed the thought of her superior being a gym teacher and didn't mind if he gave her a little workout. Just as she was immersed into it (nosebleeds and all), she was interrupted by the stern Shinigami himself.
William was shocked to know that one of the Shinigami Realm's most efficient workers would allow herself to be distracted by such childish drivel…then he read it himself. By the time he read the seventh chapter, he face-palmed himself into a coma at the way he was portrayed. Once he came back, he searched everyone's computers, punishing those who had a account with extra paperwork. For anyone who had that story under their favorites…were escorted to the gym for one vigorous workout.
Back to the story at hand.
"I don't why you can't do the part yourself, Ollie," commented Grell, sporting his "useless butler" look.
"Have you read the plot, Ginger?" Ophelia retorted, passing him the paper that listed the summarized events of the story.
" 'A lecher servant searches for work in hopes of reimbursing his/her father for an embarrassing event that shamed his/her family. Their family's benefactor, Ophelia Cornelius, refers the servant to Phantomhive Manor, where he/she meets the demonic butler, Sebastian Michaelis, who he/she plans to ravish, no matter what the cost,'" he read, growing more displeased by the second.
"Something tells me that I won't like this character much. I don't need any competition!"
Suddenly, a girl with brown eyes and teased black hair came out of the floor. She wore a tee-shirt that had the words "The Original Boss" on it and black shorts. Ophelia blanched.
"Yes, you do. Besides, you didn't have a rival for Sebastian's affections!" the brown-skinned authoress argued. "Speaking of…did you find one?"
"Uh…no?" the maroon-eyed OC squeaked, getting away from behind the desk. She moved to Grell's back, afraid of her "mother's" wrath.
"What's going on, then? You know I can't keep my readers waiting. How the hell am I gonna do that without a main character?"
The redhead-turned-brunet rose a brown eyebrow at the girl making demands of his Ollie.
"Who are you?" he asked indignantly, hand on his hip.
"Who are you!" she repeated, holding up a finger. "Wait, lemme get on my glasses. Holy shit, it's Grell~!"
She hopped on the unsuspecting grim reaper, running her fingers through his long mane. Her hand passed over his rear a couple of times, a perverted giggle passing her lips every time she indulged. She backed up, and cleared her throat.
"Call me Tomato," she nonchalantly requested, going to sit down on the oak desk. "Uh…pretend that I'm not here and bring in the next person, please."
He left the room, feeling slightly violated. Ophelia faced her creator, confused.
"Ginger would've been all over you if you told him who you really are and I know you, Beryl. You've been trying to rape him ever since you saw him on 'Kuroshitsuji Crack,'" the purple-clad girl reasoned.
"True…but if you really knew me, you would know that I'm strategic with these kind of things. Is my evil glasses glint on?"
"Yeah."
"Oh, okay. Making sure that the point was delivered successfully."
Grell returned with a blue-haired girl. Her hair was long and tied into a ponytail that stopped at the middle of her back. She was dressed in a sky blue short-sleeved maid outfit and carried an apron over her arm. Beryl turned on the glint on her glasses once more.
"It's nice to meet you, Lady Aubergine. My name is Mer Sullivan and I'm ready to audition," she greeted, chestnut-brown eyes shining with confidence.
"All right," Ophelia approved, turning to the authoress. "Could you like, poof him in here?"
Out of nowhere, Sebastian Michaelis appeared. He was in the middle of pouring tea, his eyes closed until he was ready to serve the beverage to nothing but air. He calmly observed his surroundings, spotting Ophelia.
"Ah, Lady Aubergine. May I ask what you have to done to the Young Master's study? And how you've managed to bring me here?" he interrogated.
She was busy studying the face of Mer, pleased that she wasn't screaming "Kawaii!" and dying of a massive nosebleed, like the others who auditioned. However, Mer's face was quite the disturbing image. Yes, her expression could only be described as the Ultimate Rapeface. A lot like Sebastian's, except her face had menacing shadows when applied correctly which made her look absolutely, murderously lecherous.
And if that wasn't creepy enough, she grew horns, her tongue was long and forked, and her eyes had no pupils.
"O-Okay, you pass that part!" the creeped-out Ophelia admitted, gesturing to the butler. "Um, Sebastian, read over this and recite it to our lovely lady here."
Sebastian studied the paper for a moment and handed the paper back to the short-haired girl. He walked over to Mer, whose Ultimate Rapeface receded quickly.
"I have nothing to give you, so why do you constantly badger me? You know where my loyalties lie," he performed perfectly, as expected. Don't worry, this won't be actually be in the story…maybe.
"Yes, you do, Mr. Sebastian. It's something all of your admirers want from you and few are lucky to have it…as long as they have something you want," Mer eloquently replied, tying on the apron she carried. "And I simply must have that ass."
On the apron, the words "Screw the Baker" were in bold print. Everyone who weren't Grell or Sebastian laughed their asses off. Beryl fell off of the desk, almost breaking her glasses while Ophelia went over to Mer (pronounced "Mare", if you were wondering) and hugged her.
"You're definitely worthy of being Beryl's second baby! You get the part! You get the part!" she exclaimed, overwhelmed by her giggles.
"Thank you, Lady Aubergine!" cheered the brown-eyed seventeen-year-old, hugging her back while sending Sebastian the Ultimate Rapeface. "Prepare to be charmed out of your slacks, Mr. Sebastian. Quite literally."
Before the poor butler could dignify that with a response, the Young Master walked into the whole fiasco.
"What is going on here, Ophelia! I let you use my study and you end up using my entire manor for some audition venue for some silly play! I can't even tell you how many girls tried to pinch my cheeks and coddle me as if I was some…some child!" Ciel ranted, marching up to the flushed original character.
"Uh…I don't know what you're talking 'bout! FANFICTION START!"
…That is, in the next chapter.
A/N: …Review, please!
