This idea was born from another prompt on vmfic_gameon. This time the prompt was from onceuponapillow, the prompt being Lilly's thoughts as she looks down on everyone from heaven. I don't think this was exaclty what the person had in mind though. I got this idea for a oneshot for this, but then I decided to read Lovely bones, and the two mingled and this was born. I'm not sure how many chapters this will be. Please review.
Disclaimer: I don't own Veronica Mars.
First there is nothing, absolutely nothing, which as she thinks about it is very strange, especially considering all those stories people tell about white lights and voices. But in the end, whatever the stories are, the fact still remains, that at first there is nothing, just the absence of something. An endless void of nothingness, and Lilly stands there somewhere in the middle or perhaps she stands at the end of it, she can't quite tell, but she doesn't think it truly matters where she stands, she's still there. Her first thought, or at least her first conscious thought at least, is that she can't see a thing, not a single thing. Then she laughs out loud – which sounds very strange in the empty void so she soon stops – at her own stupidity, because really there is nothing to see at all, so why would she be able to? She realizes that her thoughts aren't making any sense, but right now nothing makes sense, because she can't really understand where she is. But she is still there, no matter what she thinks.
She was sort of expecting some kind of white light and a voice guiding her towards it, perhaps even angels, but there was nothing, absolutely nothing. She begins to wonder – even though she still doesn't quite understand what is happening – if this is how she'll have to spend all of eternity, all around surrounded by darkness, surrounded by nothing at all. Because if this is how she'll spend forever, she'll rather go to hell, at least in hell there would be something if only flames and devils. She's still not sure where she is, or how exactly she got there, at least not at first. When she first opened her eyes and took in her surroundings, she could barely remember who she was, she couldn't remember much at all. She had no idea of what was going on, she didn't know what she was supposed to do, and it took her a while to get used to wherever she was. She began looking around, perhaps there was some kind of an exit, some way to get home, but there is nothing.
It takes her a few more seconds to realize she's wearing her pep squad outfit, what was more it was bloodstained, and she simply couldn't remember how that had happened. She's not sure how long she lies there, but eventually she does get up, and begins to walk – she walks to where she thinks is the ending of this space, or perhaps it's the beginning, it's very hard to tell – and different thoughts are running trough her head, weird thoughts like where all the colors are for example, but mainly she is wondering how it is possible that if there is nothing here she can still see. There's light as well, there must be because she can see – even though there is nothing to see – yet she can't see where it originates, it doesn't really matter anyway, it won't change anything about this place. Whatever this place is.
It would be logical to find an exit or some kind of wall at least, because every space has a beginning and an end.
But there is nothing logical about this place, there is nothing logical about death. And all she can think is how did I get here, and where am I, and perhaps the most important question of all; how do I get back home? How do I get back to where I belong? She has to get back, she's got too many things to do, plans she's made, plans she still has to make. She has to get back home, because she's still fighting with Logan and she needs to fix that, and she has to spend her evenings talking to Veronica because she has to tell her something, and she has to help Duncan discover if Veronica is really their sister. She has parties to go to, and pep squad try outs, and even more car washes to attend, she has an entire live to get back to, and she can't just walk around forever. She keeps on walking, hoping for the exit to appear so that she can get out of this place, and laugh about it later. Somewhere in the back of her mind there is a voice that say's she's not going home, but she chooses not to listen, she doesn't want to think about what that means. They're expecting her to come home, so she has to get back, she has to.
And yet with each step she takes nothing changes, the world doesn't shift, no ending is in sight.
There's only emptiness all around her, just an endless empty void, the absence of something. Sometime during her walk, she begins to realize the truth, and accept the reality, because really she has no other choice. She hadn't meant for this to happen, she was just sixteen, she was just being stupid. All she really wanted to do was mess around a bit, but she didn't want anyone to see those tapes, that are why she took them from Aaron. This wasn't supposed to happen, it wasn't right, she was just a child, a simple teenage girl who had her entire life ahead of her. She made mistakes, everyone makes mistakes, but that did not mean she had to die, she was so young and her mistakes weren't so bad, she still had so much to learn. She had a million things to do, most of which seems unimportant and stupid, only a few matter to her anymore. She has to talk to Veronica, eat with her family, help Donut and make things better with Logan. She was so young, this wasn't her fault – at least not completely – it really wasn't meant to go this far, this wasn't supposed to happen.
But that doesn't change the fact that the world stopped and she fell of, and the world simply kept on turning without her.
Leaving her standing in an endless empty void.
