Life is Short
** Note: This fanfiction is a Serenate (Serena x Nate) fanfic so if you don't like them you should probably leave now. Small amounts of Chair and Dair but considering there is too much in those ships, anyways the focus will be Serenate and NJBC. Rated T for now but the rating might change based on feedback or where the story goes. This takes place directly after the midseason break when Chuck and Blair are in the hospital from their limo accident.
** Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to any part of Gossip Girl but, if someone wants to gift me Chace Crawford for Christmas I would happily accept.
Nate sat with his head in his hands in one of the waiting room chairs. Not just anyone was in that hospital room but it was Chuck who was his best friend. And Nate had seen the whole thing happen. His cell phone rang and when he saw that it was his grandfather Nate just ignored it. He couldn't deal with him right now, not tonight. Then he heard another beep and double-checked to make sure it was just his grandfather leaving him a voice message. Instead it was a Gossip Girl blast about the accident. Nate threw his phone across the room and watched it hit the hard floor of the hospital. Serena had just walked into view to witness the outburst.
Getting angry like that was just not like Nate Archibald and Serena knew it. Then again Chuck had been closer to Nate than even Blair recently so who could blame him? She walked over to him; her heels making soft, clicking noises as she stepped. She sank into the seat next to him and, without saying anything, put her hands over his.
"I could've done something…." Nate said.
Serena pulled on his hands and forced Nate to look at her. His blue eyes were shining with unshed tears and Serena pushed past the fact that she had only seen Nate like this a few other times.
"No." Simple; one syllable dictated with such force that Nate knew not to continue with the self-pity.
"Nate it wasn't your fault. You couldn't do anything to stop it…to keep them from…. It was whoever sent out that Gossip Girl blast that's to blame."
Nate fought back the tears that were threatening to spill over. He wouldn't cry, not in front of Serena. Not in front of the one person who…Nate pushed the thought to the back of his mind.
"I saw it happen, Serena. The whole thing I just…."
Serena lifted one hand and wrapped it around Nate's shoulders.
"It's OK," She said quietly. She knew that he wasn't going to cry but she couldn't let him go. Out of habit more than a need for comfort she buried her head in Nate's chest and inhaled his scent. He always smelled like cologne mixed with grass though Serena was sure that the grass was just a memory from hanging out with him after his soccer games. She breathed in deeply and the scent instantly calmed her just as she knew that it would.
Nate kissed the top of Serena's head and moved one hand to smooth her hair. Any onlooker might thing that the two were reuniting after over a year of confused feelings and mixed messages but this was just how they were with each other. From a young age Serena and Nate had always been close and gestures such as cuddling or platonic kisses were just characteristic of their relationship. A relationship that was now tinged with other feelings that neither party wanted to admit to, especially not now. A relationship that they both relied on in times of need and one that they both had taken for granted so many times.
Serena removed her head from Nate's chest and looked up at him. She had to calm her heart as she looked into his endless blue eyes; Serena always got butterflies when she looked into Nate Archibald's eyes. She giggled a little as she averted her eyes and looked instead at Nate's phone on the floor. The once pristine iPhone was now cracked and had little scratches all over the back of it.
"You probably should have bought the case for it, like I told you."
Nate rolled his eyes but still smiled which had been Serena's whole point. "Yeah well I didn't expect that I would be throwing it anytime soon, I just bought it two weeks ago."
"Do you think…do you think he's going to be OK?" Serena asked quietly. She had meant to keep the question to herself but it had slipped out in a moment of honesty. She may be able to hide her feelings about Nate from him but the beautiful blonde had never been able to hide much else from one of her best friends.
Nate tried to smile but it came out as weary and somber. "He'll be fine. After all he's…."
"Chuck Bass," Both said it at the same time and couldn't help but smile.
Maybe Nate was right, Serena thought. Chuck was always a survivor and could pull through anything.
"He did get shot in Prague and lived," Serena said.
"Yeah he even managed to pick up a girl." Nate chuckled as he said it; it was so like his best friend to get shot and still manage to find a beautiful girl.
Serena broke Nate's thoughts when she wrapped her arms around him and laid her head on his shoulder. He felt his heart catch as she snuggled in close to him.
Being around Serena Van Der Woodsen always made Nate feel like he had a string around his heart. From the time he hit puberty and maybe even before that Nate had always lost his breath when he saw her. It was as though the string tightened as soon as she walked in the room and he could feel his breath hitch and he would always try to stay grounded. Serena just had that effect on people and Nate had never been an exception. Even with their sordid dating history Nate still loved her; he would never admit that he had never stopped. So he just wrapped on arm around Serena's shoulders and let her sleep and soon her rhythmic breathing helped ease him to sleep. Any onlooker would assume that the two were a couple and who could blame them? The two had always fit together well.
As Dan walked around the hospital he couldn't help but feel like he was all alone. Nate and Serena were wrapped up in each other on a couch in the waiting room with Nate's arm wrapped protectively around her. Though Dan hadn't wanted to be with Serena for a while, it still pained him to see that she belonged perfectly with someone else. She might have had a fit of jealousy over Blair's feature role in his book but Dan knew that they had never been soul-mates. Her heart had and would always belong to the boy that she had played with since kindergarten. As Dan continued walking he saw his father and Lily talking in hushed voices outside of one of the hospital rooms. Rufus was holding tight onto his wife's hands and she started to cry softly. Dan watched as his father pulled his stepmother in closer and held her. When he walked over to them and looked inside the room he saw Chuck lying motionless on a bed. It was obvious that the extent of his injuries was severe and though he was alone Dan knew that Blair would be there if she could. Blair Waldorf would be right by Chuck's side holding his hand if she were able, Dan knew it. He knew that on a day like today he shouldn't be thinking about himself but he couldn't help but think that, once again, he was lonely boy. Gossip Girl had been right all along in giving him that nickname and history proved that it could, in fact, repeat itself.
When Serena awoke she couldn't help but smile. After everything that she had done to Nate Archibald he was still always there for her and she wasn't sure that she deserved it. Nate always stood by her side and never judged her but she couldn't say she returned the favor. If only she could find a way to tell him the truth; Serena didn't run away from Nate because she didn't love him it was because she did and it scared her. With Dan it had always felt more like she was constantly chasing him; Serena was always explaining her past to him or trying to get him to see that she was different.
But Nate was different, from the time they were thirteen he had been chasing her. And, for a while, she had been content letting him. But then when he wanted to be with her she pushed him away: Blair wanted him and she wasn't so sure. Blair had always been unflinching in what she wanted while Serena had floated through middle school and high school content with everyone trying to tell her what she wanted. She hadn't realized that she honestly hadn't known what she wanted.
Of course after the Sheppard wedding Serena had to get away. Even if she hadn't accidentally killed someone she still would have left. The thought of being that close to someone who knew you that well was terrifying for Serena; she preferred the mystery that surrounded her name and person.
That was what had been so great about Dan; he wanted her and still knew nothing about her. She got to grow with him and be who she wanted without the fear of her past getting away. But when the past caught up to her she pushed him away, too.
The truth was Serena was ashamed. Dan had seen her dark side and that had failed but Nate had seen much, much worse. He had seen Serena at her darkest moments and had been part of some of them and that wasn't something Serena could take. She couldn't be with someone who was so much lighter than her and had so much less baggage. With her obvious daddy issues and substance abuse history Serena was a poster child for someone with all the baggage they could handle. So she took every excuse she could to stay away from the boy who she could never be good enough for: She used Dan, Tripp, her father, Carter…every one that Serena could find as an obstacle she used. And now here they were like old times and it terrified her. How he could care about someone like her was both wonderful and heartbreaking because she didn't think that she deserved it.
Nate began to stir and opened his eyes to see Serena. He had to admit that, even in the current situation this was the best sight to wake up to. But he immediately saw that something was wrong; Serena looked sad and lost and Nate was sure it wasn't just because of the accident.
"Hey, what's going on?"
Serena was startled by Nate's voice, "Nothing, I'm going to go check on Blair."
Serena got up and hurried off before Nate had a chance to protest. That was what Serena did though; she ran from him. To boarding school, his cousin, Paris: Serena was always running from Nate and he just wished that she would let him catch her.
Serena fled to Blair's room but, of course, the doctor wouldn't let her see her best friend.
"I'm sorry but we have to let her rest and take some more test before she's allowed any visitors besides family," The nurse said.
"But I am family! We're sisters."
"I'm sorry."
Serena turned around and walked away almost knocking over Dan in the process.
"Whoa, Serena, are you alright?"
"I'm fine, sorry for almost running you over."
"It's OK and no, you're not fine. Do you want to tell me what's wrong?"
"My best friend's in the hospital, Dan! And so is my step-brother! And who knows if either of them will be alright or if Blair's baby survived or if it even matters if Blair won't. So no I can't say that I'm fine but I think it's pretty obvious what's wrong."
Serena stormed off to the exit and rushed outside. She couldn't breathe; was it supposed to be impossible to breathe? Serena didn't know if there was a way that someone was supposed to deal with her best friend being in a car accident. How could she handle this? She wasn't strong enough to deal with this if Blair didn't survive…or Chuck. She couldn't live without her best friends….
Nate saw Serena and Dan's fight and was tempted to follow Serena outside but hesitated. What if she didn't want him there and just lashed out again? Whatever had caused her to be so sad this morning wasn't just about Blair and Chuck. Was it about Dan? Was Serena jealous that Dan was in love with her best friend and not her? Either way Nate knew that he couldn't let Serena sit out there alone and, regardless of whether or not they were dating, they were still best friends.
Nate took off his jacket and laid it around Serena's shoulders before sitting down on the pavement next to her.
"Maybe we should call a car and take you home," He suggested.
Serena just broke down. Why was it that Nate always had to be the one to save her? If she was falling into a black hole she was sure he would come to save her but why? What had she done to deserve his friendship?
Nate pulled his friend close to him and let her cry. He loved this girl more than anything in the world, if he could just tell her. She was the world to him and he wanted to be her world. Instead he sat quietly and let her sob into his arms. When she had finished crying Nate helped her up and led her back into the hospital. He left her in a chair to go tell Lily that he was taking Serena home.
"Thank you, Nathaniel. I have to stay here with Charles and…just…thank you."
Nate nodded, "No problem, Mrs. Humphrey."
Nate knew that Chuck was just as must Lily's child as Eric or Serena and knew that she wouldn't leave his side. So he figured if he could take care of at least one of the Van Der Woodsen's that it was the least he could do.
** I hope I didn't butcher Nate or Serena too much but this is just my hope for what happens. Like I said, this fanfic isn't going to focus on Chair so the only major hospital scenes are going to be when Nate and/or Serena are there. I'm going to try to episode tag when the show returns from break but, until then, it looks like I have free rein over the storyline. Please review because feedback is always appreciated!
