You Love me, But you don't know who I am
Harry and Hermione strolled along the pathway to Hagrid's cottage slowly. They had been dating for several months now, and Hermione thought they were truly happy, and was chattering away about their future, unaware of Harry's glum mood.
'If only she knew what a bomb was about to be dropped on her, then maybe she wouldn't be naming our non-excitant future kids,' Harry thought as he pulled his hand out of hers. He had to tell her something, something that would no doubt crush her. The last thing that he wanted to do was to hurt Hermione. But, at the same time, he was tired of pretending to be something that he wasn't. Times were changing in the wizarding world, and with the loss of Dumbledore, Harry really didn't care who respected him, and who didn't and he cared even less what people thought of him.
"And finally I was thinking of Aiden Alexander, what do you think, Harry?" Hermione asked, and though he didn't want to, he knew that it was time.
"Look Hermione, I know that you aren't going to like this but, trust me, its nothing personal, " Harry began,
"Oh Posh, Harry, If you don't like it just say so..." she interjected, thinking he was talking about baby names as she was.
Harry shifted his weight, feeling very uncomfortable. It was never easy to break up with a girl but the reason that he had was definitely not making it any easier. Not to mention the fact that he and Hermione had been friends for so long. He should have never agreed to date her, but he was still at that time trying to deny the real him. But with the death of Dumbledore, the part of him that wanted to be what people expected of him died too. "Er...listen 'Mione, its not that...Its that I think we should break up."
Hermione stared at him disbelieving, and still not fully comprehending. "You're dumping me over a baby name?" tears pooled in her brown eyes and she began to twist a strand of her long brown hair nervously.
"No, not over a baby name. It's just that I don't...Hermione look, I am in love with someone else. This whole thing, this relationship...it just is a facade. I was using you to a certain extent to try to change myself."
Hermione let his words sink in, and tried to act like they didn't bother her, and that her heart was breaking, even though it was. "I see. Is it Cho? Have you been seeing her all along?"
Harry sighed. Now he just had to get the rest of it out. The part that no one, not even Ron knew about. If only it was a simple as his crus on Cho returning. But it wasn't. "No, I haven't been seeing Cho, and no it has nothing to do with her. Hermione, I'm gay. I can't hide it anymore, and I don't want to. I like boys, boys turn me on, you got it?"
Hermione was stunned, and felt betrayed. Before she realized what she was doing she had slapped him hard across the face. "How dare you!" She shrieked, "How dare you use me to hide your sick perversion??? YOU KNOW I AM AGAINST THAT!"
Harry ducked his head. He did know that she hated the thoughts of being gay, but he couldn't help who he was and he didn't want to lose her friendship. But it was too late for that now, and all he could do was plead with her not to say anything to Ron, so Harry could tell him personally. "Yes, I know. I thought I could change Hermione, I really did. But I can't, because this is just who I am. But I am begging you, please don't tell Ron. Let me do it. Even if you never want to speak to me again, grant me that one wish."
Hermione glared at him. "That I will Harry, ONLY because we have been friends so long, but right now, and until further notice, you're right, I don't want to speak to you." Then she turned and ran back to the castle, and out of his life, at least temporarily.
Harry kicked a rock off the path, and reached into his robe for something muggles called a cigarette. He lit it, inhaled deeply and thought, one hurdle crossed, and a million to go. Now what was his next step? He had a crush on two different guys at Hogwarts...Should he fess up and hope that one of them feels the same way? But what if they both do? Then What?
