Jekkal's First Cliche

NOTE: This was written in an AIM conversation, so parts associated with Crayak are the work of Pareko. Also, the German Marco is a character from the Deutsch Aktuell series, if that will help to explain why he speaks German. Our Marco is A. Marco, the German Marco is G. Marco.

Jekkal: I feel like meddling. Lessee, cell phone, Pikachu backpack, deck of cards....

G. Marco: Und mich!

Jekkal: Marco, no. I don't like how you treat Zehra.

G. Marco: Bitte? *Goes on his knees*

Jekkal: Fine. You can tag along.

G. Marco: Danke schon! Das ist super!

Jekkal: You even so much as flirt with a girl, I am nailing you. Got it?

G. Marco: Ja, ja.

*Jekkal and G. Marco walk into the barn*

Jake: Who are you?

Jekkal: I'm Jekkal, and this is my tag-along, Marco.

Tobias: Didn't you make me infest you once?

Jekkal: That was Jekkal-Corlen-Fahlo, the Andalite. I'm Jekkal, the fanfic author.

Tobias: Oh.

*G. Marco walks over to Rachel*

G. Marco: Du machst ich auf Touren.

*Everyone ignores the comment, except Jekkal who can understand German.*

Jekkal: MARCO, YOU WOMANIZING #######!

A. Marco: Hey!

Jekkal: Not you, The German Marco.

A. Marco: So I'm not penalized for fooling around with Cassie?

Jake: WHAT????

THWACK!

*A. Marco lies there, unconscious*

G. Marco: Guten Tag, Aximili.

Ax: Um.... oooookay.

G. Marco: Kommt, Rachel. Tschu, Jake.

*G. Marco leaves with Rachel*

*G. Marco tries to kiss Rachel*

Minutes later...

*G. Marco is hopping around the barn, screaming, and clutching something in pain*

Rachel: And next time, STAY back, creep!

*curtain drops*

*thundorous applause*

Jekkal: *comes from behind the curtain* Thank you, thank--

YOINK!

*Jekkal is pulled back behind the curtain, and punches are heard*

Cassie: and THIS one is for saying I slept with Marco!

Crowd: Jerry, Jerry!

Jekkal: You rather I tell the truth and say you're pregnant with Jake's kid?

Cassie: That's a lie! He's as limp as a rag!

*Jake blushes*

Ax: What did she mean by 'limp as a rag?'

Jake: None of your beeswax.

*Jekkal crawls away from the fight and lifts the curtain up again.This time the setting is a court set. Jekkal comes out in judgery gear (Well, what do YOU call it?)and takes her seat.*

Jekkal: Welcome to the court of Judge Jekkal, please be seated. Now, the case is: 'Who slept with whom'? Cassie, please testify.

Cassie: On September 27,1999, Marco said that he had been fooling around with me. However, I do not have a relationship with anyone.

Jekkal: Whatt about this impending pregnancy? You're already in your second month.

Cassie: What pregnancy?

Jekkal: The one you had with Jake.

Cassie: He's not the father.

Crowd: *Gasp*

Jekkal: If he's not, who is?

Cassie: Visser Three is.

All: *GASP*

Cassie: What's more, the children will be half-andalite.

Jake: NOOOO!!!!

V3: How's the muffin in the oven?

*V3 enters, holding out a bouquet, handing it to Cassie*

Jekkal: Wait... wouldn't the fact you're not even the same species stop this?

Cassie: Not if I did it in morph.

Ax: NOOOO!!!

Cassie: Yep, I acquired Ax to do it.

Jekkal: Wait... if she used Ax as a morph to score, then that would make V3's host gay... and aren't gay couples NOT supposed to have children?

V3: Well, Aximili is a kind of... oh, what's the word... but he doesn't show just male characteristics.

Animorphs: *turn heads slowly to Ax*

Jekkal: So he's not a male?

V3: Well, he is, but he does have a--

Animorphs: *BARF*

Jekkal: Okay, if the child was conceived in morph, what's with the half-andalite bit?

Cassie: A morphing thing. I'm not stuck as an Andalite this way.

Jekkal: Fine.

V3: Um... well, considering this is a court...

Jekkal: Oh, all right. Do you, Esplin 9466, take Cassie ---------- to be your lawfully wedded wife?

V3: Of course.

Jekkal: Same question to Cassie -----------, nouns switched?

Cassie: I do.

Jekkal: I now pronounce you Yeerk and wife, you may kiss the bride.

Crayak: *barges in* WAIT! NO! V3 IS MINE!

Jekkal: Too late.

Crayak: *WAIL*

*V3 carries Cassie out of the courtroom, Bouquet in hand*

*Jake comforts Crayak*

Tobias: Well, THAT was interesting.

Jekkal: And what did we all learn today?

Jake: That the woman you love is now married to your worst enemy.

Someone: I thought his worst was Crayak.

Rachel: That you should never let a German escort you out of the barn.

Tobias: That Ax can screw himself.

Cassie: *screams back* THAT BEING PREGNANT WITH A FREAK ROCKS!

A. Marco: Never screw a girl, 'cause your best freind will kill you.

Crayak: Don't waiot until it's too late.

Ax: That everyone here is just plain sicko.

Jekkal: *mumbles* Says the Andalite who masturbates daily.

Ax: That's a personal thing, thank you very much.

Marco: Is it my imagination or are you getting fatter?

Pareko, who is sitting in the court: HE'S PREGNANT, TOO!

Jekkal: Okay with me. I've got baby gifts!

*The Animorphs leave to have two baby showers*

THE END!